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for Landstradd's First Chapters

1/26/2011 c1 fanofmany
Hmm I like it but kinda miffed that Older harry didn't merge with Younger then. But eh first time seeing one like this.
1/26/2011 c3 13Olaf74
*removes his Jaw from the floor*


You are full of surprises! In the positive turn i mean.

Please continue the story very very soon.
1/26/2011 c2 4lendaras
Well, if I had to choose, I would put the order of 2, 3, and then 1.

Reason being is that out of the three, "End the Status Quo" has a lot of potential with the good angst that are in all teenagers. Though to improve it, I suggest that you add more background to the secret of Harry Potter, especially to his "grandparents".

Story number three, "Sunlight, Moonlight, Starlight" is actually tied with "Status Quo" in that you are using a mixture of a lot of different story themes from other fanficts and combining them together. I'm reading "Sirius Saviour" and it's a good read.

Story number one, "White Mage of Time", though has a strong beginning, doesn't have that much potential as "Status Quo". The plus side to this story is that I've seen a lot of bashings on Dumbledore, but not enough of those that are giving him a second chance, I mean, yeah, he might have, but come on, he's human, not many people like to take him off the pedestal and leave him there for target practice.

A suggestion to all stories is to get a beta reader to help spot for simple mistakes and grammer checking.

Hope to see these stories in their full context soon.
1/26/2011 c3 2Jonis
They are all very promising and I hope you'll write them later.
1/26/2011 c3 Jessalynvix
I enjoyed all three of the chapters. I tried to vote but I forgot the fact that I'm set up for mobile viewing and switching to regular didn't let me vote.

I'd vote for the third one most definately. I'm more interested in seeing how that one turns out first. Even though I liked the other two. The first one is definately interesting to see a time travel story set up that way I haven't seen it done before.

An AU of 6th year is also interesting and you don't see a great deal of sixth year stories set up the way you intended to do it.
1/25/2011 c1 liarscope
this one is my favorite! Although they are all really brilliant. Are you going to continue this one? because holy shit. it is awesome.
1/25/2011 c2 pazed
Flashback style a bit much. And I'd really have to know how the box came to harry.

Otherwise an interesting idea, fairly well-presented. I like the cloak.

Cheers ...p
1/25/2011 c1 pazed

Lots of word/structure/missing word errors, presumably you'll fix if / when


But what a lovely concept and what a lovely laying out of the background; beautifully drawn images - the ritual scene eg, and the chasing magic landing in the mindscape. I also liked the way you set out Dumbledore's basic position with just a few brushstrokes.

Very promising start.

Cheers ...p
1/25/2011 c3 2hyper-swain
i would love to see you continue any of these stories i chose to review on this chapter bc my vote is for this one :D
1/25/2011 c3 nunyabizness.com
Again, an interesting start. Harry raised by the brains of the Marauders (Sirius), with the conscience of the Marauders (Remus), and taught by a series of Masters from around the world...while I have seen these elements in other stories over the years, I have never seen them used all together.

And while I have seen other stories where Harry has a younger sibling, hidden away by Dumbledore, I don't think I have ever seen Ginny Weasley used as Harry's ickle sister.

BTW, I think you are right...the second story is probably the weakest of the three, though still a good read, with an interesting premise.
1/25/2011 c1 nunyabizness.com
Well begun is half done, indeed...

A good start, to what could prove to be an interesting story. Having read a number of 'time travel Harry' stories on this, and other, sites, I have to say that your 'rough start bunny' is already head and shoulders above 90 percent of them.

Hope to see this continued at some point in the near future.
1/25/2011 c3 Nightwind90
I'm going to have to start my review of this one, otherwise a very promising story, by asking you to shift Croft, Laura to some other name. Do try to avoid anybody in the Jones family as well. This is a story that is less well served with pop culture references, they lighten the mood too much and make the story of his study more trivial then it should be.

Setting that aside for the moment, this story does have very solid potential. You have made it hard to pick.
1/25/2011 c3 nth-x
Hmmm, I suppose that after reading all three story intros, the one I liked the most was the third. The time travel story was interesting, but felt entirely too similar to other stories I've read before. The sixth year story felt too cliched period; I guess the soulstone thing with his grandparents was somewhat novel, but was essentially the same mechanic as learning from portraits of his ancestors.

The third story is the one I liked the most. In particular, I enjoyed a competent and non-angsty Remus, as well as the fact that it definitely won't be a Harry/Ginny pairing, since they are siblings :). I did feel like you glossed over too much of the early years in order to get to the tournament. I agree that fourth year is one of the most exciting times to work with, but some more foundation on Harry's growth and development, as well as that of Ginny, Remus, and Sirius, would make for a better story overall, I think. Also, if you're going to include Lara Croft, you should definitely do more than just mention her in passing. Otherwise it's just a pointless crossover.

Finally, whichever story you choose, you definitely need a beta reader to help you out. There were a multitude of misspelled and misused words in all three chapters that really detracted from my reading. I am assuming you didn't bother with much editing since you were just looking for feedback on which story to continue, but please spend more time on it before beginning to post a full story. Thanks for writing!
1/25/2011 c3 jbfritz
Excellent! Would love to read any of them all are great starts! Please post when you decide which one to do!
1/25/2011 c2 Nightwind90
The flashback style works for the short story that this chapter is, but a longer version might be better off if it covered that time more in detail. The pop culture references give this one some whimsy that the others lack, letting this one be more light hearted offsets the depressive nature of this version of Harry. A good piece of work, it does not have to be the weakest of the three if your willing to work for it.
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