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for Landstradd's First Chapters

1/25/2011 c3 SomeGuyFawkes
›› the Weasleys had paper thin wards, and both parents were crap duelists.

Well, if that Dreadful Hallows book is to be believed, Molly could somehow outduel the fearsome Bellatrix!

›› "if Dumbledore is trying to keep you away from the children that means he doesn't know I took them back yet!"

This is unbelievable and a plot hole. Molly, and probably Arthur would have told Dumbledore.

›› Lara Croft

The story would probably be stronger without a crossover.

Premise has promise. The story could be good, with heavy editing.
1/25/2011 c3 TarheelGrey
Well, That was three very interesting story starts. At first I thought the time travel fic was going to be my favorite, for I do love a good time travel story, but after finishing the final story, I find myself more curious about Sunlight, Moonlight, Starlight. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
1/25/2011 c3 MartinDeShade
Of the 3 stories, the first is the best, but the second has the most potential. I didn't really care for the third story. The problem of potential for the first story is that a) it is a small variation on a well tread plot and b) by knowing what will happen you remove a lot of the suspense for at least the first several years.
1/25/2011 c2 SomeGuyFawkes
Skip.
1/25/2011 c1 SomeGuyFawkes
Way, *way* too much time was spent on unimportant details of Harry's time-travel gimmick - unimportant to the plot and boring to the reader.

Likewise, the crypto-"conversation" with unintroduced characters was both unlikely and off-putting.

You, could reduce everything before "Harry Potter hurtled through time..." to 2 paragraphs (or even zero paragraphs) and not lose a damn thing, while making the opening vastly better.

Do not underline speech or thought! You won't find that in any style manual, for good reason. It's very distracting/annoying.

The story picks up, nicely with Harry's arrival in 1987. Always a good sign when major changes are first up. Also good that Dumbledore seems to be taking sensible steps.

The story has a massive number of spelling/typo/grammar errors (Get a beta/editor), but it ends up on a good note.
1/25/2011 c3 Dragonstorm316
take your pick all three will be great, would prefer the 2nd cchapter to be first done...
1/25/2011 c3 DoggyPaddle
Great story. What happened to hermione in the fists year or wasnt there the stone in the school and therefore no voldy to let the troll in and did Harry kill the basilisk in the chamber if he was living in it.?
1/25/2011 c3 9Slicerness
i like chapter 3 the best. followed VERY closely by chapter 1. 2 was meh, good, but just not something i'm overly interested in.
1/24/2011 c3 power2corrupt
I really loved the first and third. If I was forced to pick a favorite though, it would be the third. Having an genius asskicking Harry Potter is awesome, but the whole older-younger self was getting a bit tedious. I would love to read a scene with Harry and Laura having good times with parkour lol. Keep up the awesome work!
1/24/2011 c1 Nightwind90
A project like this deserves a review for each well written chapter.

New way of time travel, check.

Over powered Harry, check.

Toying with the "hard limits", check.

Done in a way that you can accept it and love the story. Check, twice even.

It does not yet do for me to call any of them favorites having only read the first, but I can say I rather enjoyed it.
1/24/2011 c3 Magnus
They all sound awesome, I can't decide. I would have to say that you should try and do them all at somepoint. If you get stumped by one, take a break and work on another.
1/24/2011 c3 Maltor
If I had to rank the stories it wold be as follows:

1 By Sunlight, By Moonlight, By Starlight

2 The White Mage of Time

3 End of the Status Quo

I liked all three, but feel that 'By Sunlight,' was the best of the bunch only narrowly beating out 'White Mage' for top honors. 'Status Quo' needs more work. I'd recommend opening right into the scene where he first arrives at #4 for the summer and do a time jump or 2 forward before he has those flashbacks on the top of the train.
1/24/2011 c2 Nox
Flashback fail.

I'm serious, flashbacks are the quickest way to lose a readers attention. You lost mine about three lines into the first flashback, I skimmed the rest.
1/24/2011 c3 burtikus
I was really expecting to like your time travel idea best, but this one actually really intrigues me. I'd love to see a well-written triwizard story based on this premise, so long as it didn't wind up being a super-power harry destroys the three tasks with ease type thing. Could be lots of fun.

I will say that this was the least polished of the three, I think - missing sections, grammar and typos, etc. but I still really liked it.
1/24/2011 c2 burtikus
I agree with your assessment - not as good as 1 or 3. Still in all, an entertaining read. I just think the others are a better option.
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