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for Taking It Too Far

2/25/2011 c5 CAILEY
Loved it the first time, love it now (especially because I can review it). I love seeing Valerie show SOME sanity, lose it, then regain it. And of course I love the Cailey... This is a fantastic story you have written, and I just might start watching Flashpoint ;-) way to go Psav!
2/7/2011 c5 70tiger002
Nice story here. I think my favorite scene here was Valerye's confession when we learned some of her back-story, and it makes sense why she'd do something like that. Depression and drugs can be a powerful combination. You do a good job of creating OCs to fit into the story. I also like how you show a recap of the last chapter at the beginning. Granted, reading it all at once, I remember, but it's a good idea for those who have to wait. I like the glimpse we got into Lewis' past too, it might have been better to expand that more throughout the story.

However, it felt like you could have done more with the suspense and the emotions. You had some of this like when time slowed as Cody was shot, but you really could have gotten into his pain. I'm sure it was the most painful thing he had experienced, so show that. Maybe show more of Bailey caring for him, and Zack too, but also show his anger and wanting to kill Valerye for that. Perhaps get deeper into London's thoughts, show her being afraid, confused, worried, there have to be a thousand thoughts going through her head at a time like this. One mistake I saw is that a quote needs to end with a question mark if it is a question, even if it's not at the end of the sentence. Other than that, it is mechanically sound.

Overall, a good story. Some thing I think you could have done to make this better, but no story is perfect.

PS: Why am I not surprised your story took place at a baseball game? :)
2/7/2011 c2 tiger002
You got me there. I thought that Marcus would be the only one to be shot after he was, so Cody being shot surprised me. I'm surprised Cody would have enough time to protect Bailey with the speed of the bullet, but it works to show his love for her. I think I'll just finish this before reviewing more.
2/7/2011 c1 tiger002
An interesting story so far. You do a nice job setting up the characters, and I like how you don't waste much time in getting to the action. I admit, I don't know the Flashpoint characters so that part didn't interest me, but I'm sure it was necessary. Only complaint I have is that you seem to overuse the characters names, though that was really only noticeable with first rewind scene. Good chapter overall.
2/1/2011 c3 54jasonstoneface
Glad to see this story back up. I was going to read it about a week ago, but I was disappointed to see it as well as Power Rangers on Deck gone. But I'm glad that both stories will be back up. As for this story, I liked it then, and I like it now. I just wish you had more reviews, you deserve them. But then again, some of my stories don't get the reviews I wish they would, but what can I do?
1/31/2011 c3 13deathlyhallows123
You deserve way more reviews than this! You're one of the best authors I know?
1/26/2011 c1 deathlyhallows123
Terrific story and you know it.

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