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6/25/2014 c1 Guest
This is really kind of sad. We all know that feeling of being trapped like Raphael, it sucks and that resentment we all harbor inside for one reason or another. He's such a relate able character for that though.
8/16/2013 c7 1199aza
While reading, it was nice seeing your writing improve with each chapter. However, I have to take issue with the narrative. With each chapter, I feel like there are important scenes missing and honestly that just makes the story harder to understand. My apologies if I come off as rude.
12/3/2012 c6 HetaliaIsAwesome
*oh-hi-oh*... well, it's spelt 'ohayou' in romaji actually
Btw, great story!
9/24/2012 c7 8No More Love
You hit almost all the reasons why I relate to Raph o.e damn lol

There are a few times throughout the chapters that your words get jumbled up, their quite easy to spot. Other then that its a great story and has true feeling in it, good job!

*No More Love*
5/5/2012 c6 LoyalFanFicReader
I like how you're actually trying to dig deeper on Raph's feelings rather than just make him the big angry idiot that so many other writers do. However eventhough you don't like Leo much you portray him well. Just try not to diss Leo if you can to avoid offending other fans. :)
5/4/2012 c6 T.DHASMOVED
Hi! I'm T.D Rayne! Nice to meetcha!

Normally, I'm not partial to these kind of stories, but I looked at this one out of curiosity. And honestly, while I'm a little annoyed by such a large amount of angst(as I always am) this story isn't badly written! It's actually pretty good!

But like Bubbly Shell said, you have quite a few grammar errors; you use commas a little too much sometimes, where the sentences would work better with periods, and periods where other punctuation marks should be. You also leave /out/ commas where there /should/ be commas.

Here, I'll give you a small example! The vertical lines indicate the punctuation that I inserted as minor corrections to a piece of dialogue in this story:

/"Raph|,| what are you talking about|?| You're a great brother|.| A pain in the shell sometimes, but that doesn't change our opinion of you."/

It's hard explain in a review; some research online about punctuation should help out with your grammatical flow.

Otherwise, like I said above, this story is okay! It's not the story itself that I'm really wondering about though. Rather, it's the content of your authors notes at the end of chapter 5.

I have to say, while you're most certainly welcome to your opinion, you were being just /a little/ rude. Stating your opinion and then telling us that we can't state our own is just plain unfair. If you don't want people commenting on your opinion, that kind of info is better suited to your profile. The tone of the note isn't very nice either, especially to any Leonardo fans reading your story.

So, since we're stating opinions, I speak as a Donatello fan jumping to the defense of his older brother; While I do believe that Leonardo is self-righteous, I don't see how he could be perceived as an "ass" or as "smug": in fact, he's usually polite and respectful to others in canon(in 2003 canon and others). Him and Raph don't get along because of their different attitudes, beliefs, and ways of doing things, so they often butt heads and argue. This doesn't make one mean to the other, flat-out wrong, or worse than the other: they just plain don't agree on a lot of things.

There again, I like both Raph /and/ Leo, so I have no problems acknowledging each of their perks and flaws. They're both pretty damn badass, ha ha ha!

What's cool, though, is that if you hadn't told me, I never would have known that you hated Leonardo; thankfully, you have the grace as a writer to keep your opinion from affecting the way you write Leo: some writers, especially ones that write angst-centric fics, don't do this. You win points from me for not demonizing him just because you don't like him. Kudos!
1/2/2012 c5 TMNTLittleTomboy
Oh dear, Leo caught Raphie. Update soon!
12/27/2011 c4 TMNTLittleTomboy
My poor Raphie. Please update soon!
11/4/2011 c2 203BubblyShell22
Hmm. Very interesting. You do have some mistakes that I'll be correcting, but first I really don't think Splinter would choose the red bandanna for Raph because of his anger. I would think that the red bandanna may symbolize his passion for his emotions and his fierce loyalty to the others. I wouldn't think that maybe Splinter would choose it because of Raph's anger.

Now for the mistakes:

"Look, my sons, I have gifts for you." He raised his arm and there lay four different colored masks.

Wear's should be wearer's.

Protective." There should be a period inside the quotes there.

He had a feeling that his sons wouldn't care... He should be capitalized.

Gave up should have a period after it as it's the end of a sentence.

"Kneel, my sons.

"Michelangelo, You should have a comma here since you are addressing him. The same goes for the other turtles as well.

For the countless times should be a separate sentence.

I think you should proofread your work more so you don't make mistakes.

The Bubbly One,

Shell
11/4/2011 c1 BubblyShell22
Wow. A very interesting story so far. I really enjoy this concept of Raph getting mad because he didn't get his favorite color.

You do have some mistakes which I'll be happy to correct. Here they are:

Why was it red should have a question mark since you're asking a question here. Why was it red?

Raphael stared at the color he hated red could be corrected in two ways. 1. Raphael stared at the color. He hated red. 2. Raphael stared at the color he hated: red.

"angry" should have a period before the quote since it's the end of the sentence like this: "angry."

tears gathered in his eyes not from sadness but from rage should be this: Tears gathered in his eyes, not from sadness but from rage.

"Why red" the turtle whispered as he ran to his room and slammed the door should be this: "Why red?" the turtle whispered as he ran into his room and slammed the door.

Herd should be heard.

Leo had gotten blue, why was he always gettting what he wanted it wasn't fair should be like this: Leo had gotten blue. Why was he always getting what he wanted? It wasn't fair.

Other than that, good job so far.

The Bubbly One,

Shell
11/3/2011 c3 1Luna Lockhart
AAWwww it makes me wanna hug ralph's sadness away
11/3/2011 c3 16TMNTLittleTomboy
Good story so far. Poor Raphie. He wants blue, but Leo got it. Don't worry, Raphie. You'll get used to the color red. Update soon!
11/3/2011 c3 TMNTLittleTomboy
Good story so far. Poor Raphie. He wants blue, but Leo got it. Don't worry, Raphie. You'll get used to the color red.
2/9/2011 c2 1Frost Beak
Cute story, though it could be longer, with more polished description and dialouge. Poor Raph, getting the brunt end of the bad luck stick...

Gee, the red mask symbolism seems unusually...negative. In fact, in Japanese culture, red stands for healing. Red is also a traditional color for heroic figures. On the Japanese flag, it stands for brightness, sincerity and warmth. Of course, the internet has been known for horrible inaccuracies...

Can't wait to see you continue with this! It's adorable, and I love it.
2/4/2011 c2 MillionDollarNinja
Want more! Update soon!

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