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for Talon of the Empire

6/22/2015 c5 9OpticalRacer
Wow! Vivid descriptions of the crash and aftermath. It conjured up some really sharp images in my mind as I read on. The interaction between Talon and Jan is very interesting. It illustrates a friction between the navy and army that is believable. Jan's got quite the internal conflict between honor and hatred for the Rebellion. It's good to see that he recognized that the honorable outward image was more important than killing the rebel. I look forward to reading more about these interesting characters. Let's hear it for OCs!
6/21/2015 c16 FFEMT2203
Well written and thoroughly laid out. I must applaud this Fanfic. I applaud to the fact that I read this through and hardly ever felt as though I was reading a Fanfic. You are very lavish in your details providing for a very clear, cognitive cinematic experience for those reading your work. I do agree with one of the other reviews on this story that there are some minor grammatical and spelling errors that trip you up slightly. But I have found the same thing in books that are published world wide, so do not let that dishearten you in the slightest. You have superb literature skills, I would honestly encourage you to possibly persue publication to get your talents seen by a much more comprehensive audience.
6/20/2015 c1 6The Blackjack
The story a pretty fun premise, and I like the dynamic between the experienced and less experienced crewmembers. Conversations have a nautical, almost Hornblower-like feel.

There's a little too much exposition at the beginning. Try to find ways to either limit information that isn't necessary, or to deliver it in more organic ways. Work it into dialogue or thoughts. You even do this by showing Talon and Aeron's mismatch in skill, but if you show it there, you don't need to say it above.

Not a bad start by any means, and something to keep an eye on.
6/14/2015 c3 9OpticalRacer
Talon should get a major commendation for his efforts! The way you were describing the chaos and destruction, I don't know how anyone could keep it together enough to lead the repair and reinforcement efforts in spite of the dangers. Your descriptions of the sounds metal makes under such strain are very vibrant and memorable. I look forward to more enjoyable reading, as slow as I am.
6/12/2015 c14 TheSilenceIsVast
As always, well written. I must admit, I'm slightly confused about what happened here as well...(with Raylon's assholeness :P)
9/24/2013 c8 Kaylen Cooper

Glad to see this updated. Awesome chapter!

The continuous development of your characters is very well done. :)
10/3/2012 c2 OpticalRacer
Excellent suspense! The details you put into the ship-to-ship battle were very vivid, creating strong images as I read along. I find myself rooting for the Resolve and cursing those New Republic bastards!
However, some typos made their way through disguised as perfectly fine words. Maybe auto-correct wreaking havoc on the text?
Also, there's a few commas missing throughout that made some sentences a little harder to read. And a couple of the larger paragraphs could have probably been split.
Either way, I'm really enjoying the story and looking forward to reading more!
9/20/2012 c1 OpticalRacer
Excellent start! I like the unique premise of taking the Empire's point of view, especially after the destruction of the second Death Star. I also like that it focuses on original characters. As much as I like clan Skywalker and the rest, I really like to read stories that explore the tales from the countless other beings in the galaxy.
The dynamic you're setting up between Aeron and Talon is very interesting. I look forward to seeing where this relationship goes.
I have one recommendation. I think that a couple of the larger paragraphs could be broken up to be a little easier to read.
Either way, I will keep reading!
9/9/2012 c7 Kaylen Cooper
Really good chapter!

I love how you show the dissension in the ranks - especially over what would be an extreme knife-edge situation, which happened with the surrendering prisoners. You have those on the ground who experience the horrors of war right up in the face, and tend to react instinctively rather than logically. Then you have someone who, while just as involved, is distanced just enough to be able to see a bigger picture.

The mark of an excellent officer is to be able to bring the two opposites into a balance, to get the best outcome for those under their command.

Can Talon do this? Well - we shall see! I look forward to seeing how this gets handled, and what the outcome will be.

Awesome! :D
9/6/2012 c6 Kaylen Cooper
Yay! New chapter.

Way awesome. :D
4/20/2011 c5 Kaylen Cooper
This is so awesome! I am loving this, and can't wait to read more! :)
2/25/2011 c5 1oldman543
pretty good.
2/20/2011 c5 1weizhong
Excellent chapter. I would however, use a greater variety of words. It's always, Jan this, Jan that, Lani said, Lani went, etc. Use words such as "the stormtrooper officer" or "the young scout trooper." Also. in a reply to one of my reviews, you mentioned that you were reading my story. Do you mind reviewing it? I need all the help I can get.
2/20/2011 c4 weizhong
Good chapter. I would generally stay away from using a narrator who has opinions, like when you said, "Well, to describe it as having an underside..." Another instance was when you wrote, "But it couldn't get any worse.." Try to use a character to say that. What would have been a better idea is to make Talon as just recovering, like he wakes up from unconsciousness, and someone tells him this info, but it's your choice. Also, use a little more detail in describing the silence between Jan and Talon.
2/13/2011 c3 weizhong
Argh a cliffhanger! A lot better than the last few, though I would suggest checking the grammar in some parts, a few typos from here and there. All in all, a very good chapter, and aside from what I've said in previous chapters, I have nothing else to say!
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