for HarryGinny Drabbles5/29/2014 c53 DeletedAccount3498
Haha, sweet. Though you would think by the time Harry and Ginny have had James, the wizarding world would've moved on from parchments and quills xD (did you know that parchment is made from the skin of dead animals? interesting fact)
The end is cute, I can actually imagine it happening. Even pranksters need their romance.
Haha, sweet. Though you would think by the time Harry and Ginny have had James, the wizarding world would've moved on from parchments and quills xD (did you know that parchment is made from the skin of dead animals? interesting fact)
The end is cute, I can actually imagine it happening. Even pranksters need their romance.
4/22/2014 c49 DeletedAccount3498
Wouldn't the firebolt have gone out of fashion by the time Harry's children are old enough to get their own broom?
Wouldn't the firebolt have gone out of fashion by the time Harry's children are old enough to get their own broom?
4/22/2014 c48 DeletedAccount3498
AWwww, so sweet and a beautiful companion piece to Enraptured! I loved Hermione's role in this because she so rarely appears in this story; it's so refreshing to see her make an appearance in one of these drabbles every nown and then.
AWwww, so sweet and a beautiful companion piece to Enraptured! I loved Hermione's role in this because she so rarely appears in this story; it's so refreshing to see her make an appearance in one of these drabbles every nown and then.
4/22/2014 c47 DeletedAccount3498
[All she needed right now was a drink to keep the winter chill away and Harry] - There are two ways to interpret that sentence.
1. All she needed was a drink, and her fiancée Harry, who would presumably cheer her up, and therefore keep away the winter chill.
2. All she needed was a drink to keep away Harry, and the winter chill.
With the sentence structure, the last line is open to both interpretations, though I think number 2 is the grammatically correct one (with that sentence structure anyway) but I think you were getting at 1. I would change the sentence structure to; All she needed right now was a drink to keep the winter chill away; and Harry.
[All she needed right now was a drink to keep the winter chill away and Harry] - There are two ways to interpret that sentence.
1. All she needed was a drink, and her fiancée Harry, who would presumably cheer her up, and therefore keep away the winter chill.
2. All she needed was a drink to keep away Harry, and the winter chill.
With the sentence structure, the last line is open to both interpretations, though I think number 2 is the grammatically correct one (with that sentence structure anyway) but I think you were getting at 1. I would change the sentence structure to; All she needed right now was a drink to keep the winter chill away; and Harry.
4/22/2014 c46 DeletedAccount3498
Haha, I think I know what she's going to do with the mistletoe! A very nice chapter indeed :)
Haha, I think I know what she's going to do with the mistletoe! A very nice chapter indeed :)
4/22/2014 c45 DeletedAccount3498
This chapter was good, the lack of dialogue punctuation errors is a definite improvement. However I thought it to be rather shallow in Harry's aspirations for Lily.
[Her hair is going to be that gorgeous red I love, and her eyes are the same shape too; I bet they're going to be the exact same colour too."] - It's still a very loving phrase, but I think it would be improved if Harry listed off positive personality traits rather than physical appearance distinctions, because it makes it seem as if Harry's only value in Ginny is her appearance.
Also, (and this is probably just me lol) I find it a bit awkward abbreviating Ginny's name to Gin in fanfictions, seeing as gin is a type of liquor and Ginny's name (full name: Ginerva) has been shortened already. But that's probably me, though it did hamper the smoothness of this chapter's word flow in my opinion.
This chapter was good, the lack of dialogue punctuation errors is a definite improvement. However I thought it to be rather shallow in Harry's aspirations for Lily.
[Her hair is going to be that gorgeous red I love, and her eyes are the same shape too; I bet they're going to be the exact same colour too."] - It's still a very loving phrase, but I think it would be improved if Harry listed off positive personality traits rather than physical appearance distinctions, because it makes it seem as if Harry's only value in Ginny is her appearance.
Also, (and this is probably just me lol) I find it a bit awkward abbreviating Ginny's name to Gin in fanfictions, seeing as gin is a type of liquor and Ginny's name (full name: Ginerva) has been shortened already. But that's probably me, though it did hamper the smoothness of this chapter's word flow in my opinion.
4/22/2014 c44 DeletedAccount3498
NOO. It must be called Lily!
That aside, this drabble was cute, funny and lovable.
[opened a bag of salted pretzels] - pregnancy craving? Lol.
Same SPaG dialogue punctuation errors though:
[Fine, whatever." He kissed] - should be "Fine, whatever," he kissed...
[pretzels. "Dinner's ready soon."] - should ideally be: pretzels, "dinner's ready soon."
[crossed?" He returned,] - (He returned...) should be on the next line.
And I'm so glad Harry and Ginny chose the name Lily instead. It just wouldn't have been right if they called it Holly...
NOO. It must be called Lily!
That aside, this drabble was cute, funny and lovable.
[opened a bag of salted pretzels] - pregnancy craving? Lol.
Same SPaG dialogue punctuation errors though:
[Fine, whatever." He kissed] - should be "Fine, whatever," he kissed...
[pretzels. "Dinner's ready soon."] - should ideally be: pretzels, "dinner's ready soon."
[crossed?" He returned,] - (He returned...) should be on the next line.
And I'm so glad Harry and Ginny chose the name Lily instead. It just wouldn't have been right if they called it Holly...
4/22/2014 c42 DeletedAccount3498
Aww, I loved the simile on the last line. And another reflection from Ron's point of view! Can we see a contemplation/reflection on the two of them from Hermione's view next?
Also, some suggestions for future chapters of this story would be:
- Thunder
- Storm
- Clouds
- Candy
- Gold
- Mirror (maybe how Harry & Ginny reflect aspects of each other?)
- Two Peas in a Pod (not a single word, but it's a commonly used idiom)
- Snitch (maybe have Harry saying 'the best ones are always the hardest to catch'; referring to Ginny)
and
- Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans (a humorous one is sure to ensure)
Aww, I loved the simile on the last line. And another reflection from Ron's point of view! Can we see a contemplation/reflection on the two of them from Hermione's view next?
Also, some suggestions for future chapters of this story would be:
- Thunder
- Storm
- Clouds
- Candy
- Gold
- Mirror (maybe how Harry & Ginny reflect aspects of each other?)
- Two Peas in a Pod (not a single word, but it's a commonly used idiom)
- Snitch (maybe have Harry saying 'the best ones are always the hardest to catch'; referring to Ginny)
and
- Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans (a humorous one is sure to ensure)
4/22/2014 c41 DeletedAccount3498
The idea/theme of this chapter is very good. However the dialogue tags were not. I got easily confused as to who was saying what, and it took me a full minute or so to figure it out. But then again...it could be just me.
["That's going a bit slowly for a meteoroid. It must be a Muggle Aeroplane."] I'm guessing Luna was saying that? If so then 'Ginny nodded.' should be on the next line, otherwise it makes it seem as if Ginny's the one who's saying that, and the dialogue ["You know, Muggles wish on shooting stars."] ought to be the line below it.
[Ginny nodded again] - I think this should be on the next line, and you better join 'Can we pretend it's a shooting star' with it to make one sentence. So it'll be:
Ginny nodded again, "Can we pretend it's a shooting star?" she knew what she wanted to wish for: Harry.
Apart from those, there were no other grammatical, spelling or punctuation errors.
The idea/theme of this chapter is very good. However the dialogue tags were not. I got easily confused as to who was saying what, and it took me a full minute or so to figure it out. But then again...it could be just me.
["That's going a bit slowly for a meteoroid. It must be a Muggle Aeroplane."] I'm guessing Luna was saying that? If so then 'Ginny nodded.' should be on the next line, otherwise it makes it seem as if Ginny's the one who's saying that, and the dialogue ["You know, Muggles wish on shooting stars."] ought to be the line below it.
[Ginny nodded again] - I think this should be on the next line, and you better join 'Can we pretend it's a shooting star' with it to make one sentence. So it'll be:
Ginny nodded again, "Can we pretend it's a shooting star?" she knew what she wanted to wish for: Harry.
Apart from those, there were no other grammatical, spelling or punctuation errors.
4/22/2014 c40 DeletedAccount3498
Lol, the last line left me chuckling a little bit. Lucky Ron this time! I can't wait to read the other chapters :D
Lol, the last line left me chuckling a little bit. Lucky Ron this time! I can't wait to read the other chapters :D
4/22/2014 c39 DeletedAccount3498
Haha, I get it. Ooh poor Ron. So far he's been the unfortunate seer of all of Harry and Ginny's...more intimate moments throughout this fanfiction.
There was one minor SPaG error which was the sentence 'He wishes!', seeing as the rest of the drabble was in past tense, it should be 'He wished!' to match.
Haha, I get it. Ooh poor Ron. So far he's been the unfortunate seer of all of Harry and Ginny's...more intimate moments throughout this fanfiction.
There was one minor SPaG error which was the sentence 'He wishes!', seeing as the rest of the drabble was in past tense, it should be 'He wished!' to match.