Just In
for Traveler

6/22/2012 c1 9innail
You have a real talent for this! If I may suggest a book series that you make like: George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series is well worth reading, but be warned: ANYONE (and I do mean ANYONE) CAN DIE in this series! And these are not exactly family-friendly deaths either (that means you mr-molten-gold-poured-over-head)
4/2/2011 c1 429Aria Breuer
I enjoyed reading through this poem. The way you wrote it made me believe, within the space I was reading, that I was there with the characters from the different books and book series.

I like the first four verses:

"In eighteen years I have traveled far and wide,

Seen Aman, viewed Taniquetil's height,

Stood in Farthen Dur, Varden's pride,

And looked upon Narnia gleaming snowy white."

Of course, I did find some grammatical mistakes. In the fourth line, there needs to be a comma after "Narnia". I also became confused with the word "And" in line eight, and whether or not it needs to be replaced with another word, possibly "At", but that could mess up the wording. This is your choice. In the next four lines after the one I was concerned with, I became confused as to whether or not all the periods need to be taken out, except for the line that states "Have rejoiced at Aslan's victory over death", and replaced with commas. Again, this could mess up the wording and the poem itself, but this is up to you to decide.

Other than that, I think this poem is well-written. Good job.

-Aria Breuer

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service