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1/12/2012 c23 12NerdyBookLover
Filled your glass with gin, filled your heart with pride... Right?
12/17/2011 c21 NerdyBookLover
We're it up to me, all from your eyes. (at least I think that's it...)

PS: H0w are y0u, my g00d friiend? II l0ve y0u 200 much ii can't c0ntaiin my2elf. N0w II wiill c0ntiinue two talk two y0u 0n me22enger.
11/7/2011 c20 NerdyBookLover
SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO READ. IT'S REALLY SHORT, BUT I STILL LOVED IT. THANK YOU FOR DEDICATING IT TO ME. I FEEL SPECIAL. Anyway, I shall now quote Panic by Sublime:

"You open doors and close them

Quicker than the hands of most

Can't you see there is hope here?

It's time for reaction

Realize what's wrong, wrong with your life

Quicker than the eyes of most

Can't you see, there's hope here?

It's time for reaction."

...I love this song.
11/6/2011 c20 Sandrine Georges
Is the ability to sense smiles over the phone one of the bad superpowers?
10/16/2011 c18 NerdyBookLover
DAMMIT, I DID QUOTE THAT ONE IN MY LAST REVIEW! ...Dude, I totally just held down my 'U' key for like, 5 minutes straight. That was awesome.
10/16/2011 c19 NerdyBookLover
Oh, hey, how's it goin'? I'll leave you something that's actually useful on Messenger, but I just wanted to review. AND YOU BETTER BE GREATFUL. I'M NEGLECTING MY DOGS TO WRITE THIS FOR YOU. Anyway, yeah.

"This is my thesis statement."

"This is page 3."

"This is my conclusion. THE END."

"The Greeks invented anal lube."

...In case you were wondering...

I love you.

Oh, and I'm reading this SasoDei fic and there was a chapter called 'He's Coming'. I immediately started quoting the George Washington rap, obviously.

PS: If a girl won't come 'round, SHE MUST BE A LESBIAN.

I am. BUT NOT FOR YOU.

PPS: HE MADE LOVE LIKE AN EAGLE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY, KILLED HIS SENSEI IN A DUEL AND HE NEVER SAID WHY.

PPPS: Did I say that in my last review? I know I quoted stuff, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER.

PPPPS: Okay, bye.

PPPPPS: NO. WAIT. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I MUST SAY, BUT I CANNOT REMEMBER. NVIFUHBOIERJVGWIARVHO;NZIARGH;EIOHSGJKLHLSKZ

PPPPPPS: Okay, I think I should just stop. Bye. FOR REAL THIS TIME!

PPPPPPPS: ...Bye.
10/11/2011 c19 Sandrine Georges
Um. Translation error?

Aaaanyway. After an action-packed first couple of lines, you give us "Flames curled around his body. They were so warm." Is this an intentional understatement? I don't think it should be. The tone was serious and gripping, and this just leaves me confused as to whether or not you know that fire is excruciatingly hot.

And and "electronic smile" is an interesting turn of phrase. Don't know if I like it or not. It's somewhere between a mechanical and a magnetic smile I suppose? But modern and sexy...

Overall: cute but not enough content for me to ignore your comma placement. I like the time references. Yeah.
10/11/2011 c18 Sandrine Georges
1. "It was more of an assertion than anything." WHAT does this mean?

2. What is "freezer pizza?" I am intrigued.

3. "'Oh. And she says: He'd be an okay dad, though.'" Omigoshkor, yes. This.

That is all.
10/11/2011 c17 Sandrine Georges
If this isn't my favorite chapter so far, it's definitely in the top three. I love the details: argyle bed sheets, the empty bottle of Cherbourg as the brand makes its reappearance, the different reels of news flicking past on the TV. I found the dialogue to be compelling and extremely telling.

I love "'I'm going to go for a walk.' 'You don't need your keys for that.'"

And of course the comic relief "(We come from a small village.)" Yes, we often ask questions of the search engine that we would blush at in real life.

And, of course, I always adore his wife. So flirty, her continued existence is pure accusation.

All in all, will you give me the honor of riding tuna boats with me to arrive to the Homecoming together with me? You are so average that you are magnificent.
9/28/2011 c16 Sandrine Georges
The ending saved this, but here are some problems I had with this:

-It would be more elegant to be general in the beginning. "Adolescent fantasies have a strange way... they are nothing more than..."

-What is an execution ticket?

-Some of the... er... action is confusing.

-The last chapter was, overall, more emotionally engaging though the ending of this one was better than the body.
9/28/2011 c15 Sandrine Georges
Emotionally engaging except for the 'scrape' which I didn't think was a very effective little trick. Nice otherwise, though.
9/28/2011 c14 Sandrine Georges
"In contrast" is best used with abstractions. Like "In contrast to my belief that the 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' is actually a misnomer, many still think that he flies not glide." When dealing with concrete things, try "Instead, he'd have to have gone somwhere relatively far away."

More comma problems...

"Relatively" is used in a strange way two times in as many sentences.

The back story and dialogue that follows are nice, and I like the sentence "The doctor found himself craving an omelette." The search is innovative... but you don't have to double click on links.
9/28/2011 c13 Sandrine Georges
The episode with the keys - when she looks at them and guesses about them and is wrong - is the part that left and impression on me. It's much more organic than the rest of the chapter.

You said you wanted a back-handed compliment. There you go.
9/26/2011 c17 Gemelli
This chapter was wonderful! I especially liked the dialogue and the angst in this chapter! :D Keep up the good work! ^^
9/16/2011 c16 NerdyBookLover
. IT'S EVERYWHERE. But strangely enough I think I like that. Anyway, this WAS really good. Not just in an I-have-nothing-else-to-say way. My favorite part is the end of this chapter with SO MUCH ANGST. Seriously. But I really don't think there was any way to get around that, so... Hmmm... What else shall I say. This sort of thing could be made into a REAL BOOK with the AMBER DIAMONDS TOMORROW FOREVER.

Sue me if I go too fast, but the sons of his opponents wish that he was their dad.

Had a wig for his wig, had a brain for his heart. He'll kick you apart, he'll kick you apart, ooh. HE'LL SAVE CHILDREN, BUT NOT THE BRITISH CHILDREN.

He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky. Killed his sensei in a duel and he never said why.

...WASHINGTON, WASHINGTON. SIX FT. TWENTY, FUCKING KILLING FOR FUN.

And you will have to tell me later if that part was censored. :P

Okay, maybe I DON'T have anything else to say...

I love you.

Love, Your Creepy Unrelated Uncle.

XOXOxoXoxOoxxXo

Actually, one more thing. A bit of constructive criticism. The lemon-ish thing that is here (I say Lemon-ish, just because I can) seems kind of awkward, and I know you've said that writing lemon in detail is awkward for you and whatnot, but I really liked how you wrote that lime from your Mushi-shi fic. The wording you used was kind of vague (in a good way), and I personally thought it was really cool because I hadn't seen someone write quite like that before. You still kind of had that in this, but not as much as the Mush-shi one. I always like comparing other people's writing to my own and whenever I find something that's really different from mine (at least in my own opinion) that still manages to be really good... It's just cool. Which is why I like your stuff.

Okay, now I'm done. This is probably my longest review ever. Lucky you. :3
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