for The Outcasts5/7 c1 Guest
Dios te bendiga Jesús te amo mi vida ️
Dios te bendiga Jesús te amo mi vida ️
7/31/2013 c1 
10Rapidfyrez
There is a limit to how many personal Messages per day you can send. I reached my max so if you want to keep talking, PM me your email
10RapidfyrezThere is a limit to how many personal Messages per day you can send. I reached my max so if you want to keep talking, PM me your email
3/10/2011 c2 9Avenging Angels
Hey, you asked me to read and so I did. I gotta say it's got a great plot but there are a few grammatical errors that distract from the story. But that's okay, stuff like that can be fixed. Also, when you type two characters having a conversation do the following for example:
Angel glanced at Cole and her eyes narrowed. "Why are you helping me?"
"H'm, oh I don't know, little girl being held in the middle of an overly guarded warehouse? Yeah, I thought you might be in just a little trouble. You know, seeing as you were strapped down on a metal table and all."
Angel frowned but nodded. "Yeah, I guess." She looked up at Cole.
And so on, basically just hit enter. :)
Other than that and a few other word choice mistakes this story has great potential. Because it is based of inFamous and kind of the stand alone adventure type story I think you should definitely move it to the main site. You'll get a lot more attention and comments.
Sincerely,
Avenging Angels
9Avenging AngelsHey, you asked me to read and so I did. I gotta say it's got a great plot but there are a few grammatical errors that distract from the story. But that's okay, stuff like that can be fixed. Also, when you type two characters having a conversation do the following for example:
Angel glanced at Cole and her eyes narrowed. "Why are you helping me?"
"H'm, oh I don't know, little girl being held in the middle of an overly guarded warehouse? Yeah, I thought you might be in just a little trouble. You know, seeing as you were strapped down on a metal table and all."
Angel frowned but nodded. "Yeah, I guess." She looked up at Cole.
And so on, basically just hit enter. :)
Other than that and a few other word choice mistakes this story has great potential. Because it is based of inFamous and kind of the stand alone adventure type story I think you should definitely move it to the main site. You'll get a lot more attention and comments.
Sincerely,
Avenging Angels
3/6/2011 c1 6MEleeSmasher
Alright, to anyone reviewing this please let me say thanks for support. Dont put up flames or i Am putting this story down.
SO whaddya guys think? If This story wont get a lot of reviews, Im moving it to the original stories section, because crossovers are always overlooked in this section.
6MEleeSmasherAlright, to anyone reviewing this please let me say thanks for support. Dont put up flames or i Am putting this story down.
SO whaddya guys think? If This story wont get a lot of reviews, Im moving it to the original stories section, because crossovers are always overlooked in this section.