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1/11 c9 7Hu-E3rd
I think that she would be in a lot more pain after losing her leg.
5/23/2018 c9 LealovesMokuba
Awww, feel so sad for Olivia that she lost her leg. Btw, nice story! I also loved the father-daughter relationship between Alan and Olivia!
10/14/2017 c1 1animeluvr4everndalwayz2014
sorry about my previous review my niece got a hold of my phone and wrote the review about it being the same story she didn't realise you and Sophia kaiba are the same author sorry for the mix up
10/14/2017 c1 animeluvr4everndalwayz2014
I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here but I've read this story and it is exactly the same as the one published by Sophia kaiba
11/27/2016 c9 uwu0romelu
Smeep! Cool job! ;D
7/18/2015 c9 12Emmalicious
If I was Olivia.
Alan: Are you okay?
Me thinking: Oh yeah I just got half of my leg ripped off by a raptor. OF COURSE IM OKAY!
5/25/2012 c9 The Queen of Water
Cool!
5/7/2012 c9 9Love.Fiction.2021
loved it :) you should of put alans and ellies povs in it and ellie never got much of speaking role in this but please update number 3!
7/12/2011 c9 Lindsey
Yup, I was right. You do realize that this is, quite literally, a point-for-point reinactment of the original movie? This is why writing OC stories is so tricky: the only way they really work are in instances when the author is willing to and/or creative enough to deviate from the original plotline. Otherwise, you end up with a novelization of the movie and one weak character that only seems to add in occasional pointless banter or meaningless, charming quips. But at the end of the day, you just have to end up asking yourself one question..."What does my OC bring to the original plotlines of the movie?"

Sadly, in your case, Liv brings quite literally nothing. I mean, Alan Grant's daughter's leg has just been torn off...and the only thing he says differently from the original script is "Are you okay, sweetie?" And since Grant is supposed to hate kids, you could have used this story to see how a daughter has affected his life. Instead, he says the EXACT SAME LINES as he uses in the movie. And is she Ellies daughter too? This is never clarified.

While difficult, a Jurassic Park OC story is certainly achievable. You, however, have not achieved much. This site, however, is no New York Times Bestseller List, and is a place to learn and better your writing skills. I hope you will learn from this story and take my advice to heart, because - and I have no qualms with saying so - my advice is accurate.
7/12/2011 c1 Lindsey
Well...this is, err, rather disappointing. Besides the one or two lines chirped in by this Mary-Sue character (Liv, was it?), it's nearly just a novelization of Jurassic Park's first five minutes. Mind you, I've not had a chance to look over any further chapters, but I sure hope this turns out at least slightly better.
5/18/2011 c9 21My Lady Vader
Aww, poor Liv. That musta hurt like heck. Good job!
5/18/2011 c9 Gryffindor 20
AWESOME chapters =-D but i have a question did Olivia loose her leg or did she manage to have the Raptor let go of her leg? but please update soon thanx =-D
5/18/2011 c8 My Lady Vader
Every time I see the scene with the raptor, I freak out. Every stinking time. :p
5/18/2011 c7 My Lady Vader
Poor Lex, Tim and Livvy! Great chapter!
5/18/2011 c9 19Acro111
Poor Liv. Great though, really amazing!
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