for Royal Secrets3/21/2011 c1 
30PyrusAngel
okay so first comes the constructive criticizes, sorry but they're needed.
1) add something to show the switching of Point Of View (POV), this allows your reader to know that the scene has changed and we are now with different characters. Its a bit odd when you go from "The Royal Flush Gang" to some random unnamed person talking.
Example:
"Look" showing a flyer about a band called the Royal Flush Gang
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"Hey Zackary we'll be on the plain in like 3 minutes"
2)Don't bold random things, they maybe important to you but the reader doesn't need them.
All done see that was painless! Now for the good news I'm hooked. Can't wait to see what you do with this next. Update soon :D
30PyrusAngelokay so first comes the constructive criticizes, sorry but they're needed.
1) add something to show the switching of Point Of View (POV), this allows your reader to know that the scene has changed and we are now with different characters. Its a bit odd when you go from "The Royal Flush Gang" to some random unnamed person talking.
Example:
"Look" showing a flyer about a band called the Royal Flush Gang
0000000000
"Hey Zackary we'll be on the plain in like 3 minutes"
2)Don't bold random things, they maybe important to you but the reader doesn't need them.
All done see that was painless! Now for the good news I'm hooked. Can't wait to see what you do with this next. Update soon :D
3/19/2011 c1 your friend
Love you !
Love you !