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for A Sparkling Friendship

10/25/2017 c1 2notsofrilly
There cute together
11/4/2012 c1 89phoenixyfriend
Alright, a few helpful comments:

Introduce paragraph breaks and more punctuation into your writing. You have a habit of writing long, run-on sentences with no punctuation.

There were instances where you also forgot to capitalize key words like names, and the words at the beginning of dialogue, which also needs rectification.

The plot was alright, for a one-shot, but you need more help with your formatting and mechanics.
7/28/2012 c1 32RyokoMist
I think you had a good idea of what to do. I like one-shots, even though i typically dont write them myself. (i have like only 3 out of my 10 stories) My only suggestion, try to find a beta reader or double check your writing before posting. No story is going to be uploaded perfectly: i guarantee in my stories you'll find some typos of maybe missing words and i proofread three times before i post. there were some minor sentence structure mistakes and lack of puncutation but this was a really good story. (and im sure your other stories have improvement since you've been writing more. the first couple of stories are always going to seem like the most "bleh" ones to the author. good work, i will try to read more.)
5/21/2011 c1 1PurplePumpkin12
Hi, I really enjoyed the first chapter of your story. You have a great start! The only suggestion is find a beta reader. You know, to check your spelling and punctuation. However, it is still a good story and I encourage you to continue!
4/5/2011 c1 toffee22
I really like your story. You are a good writer.

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