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2/24/2017 c3 RedstoneGeek223
Can haz more please?
1/25/2012 c3 Patrik
This is great so far, but put in a fight scene sometime soon that shows the NCIS team Jyce's powers. Please, I'm begging you!
7/11/2011 c3 childofthelord
The main thing you need to work on is format, try double space, and break up your paragraphs more. Other than that update soon.
6/25/2011 c2 3Cindar
It's not supost to be Après avoid sais après vous
5/6/2011 c3 Daman30026

You may want to really work on slowing down... I ran into this same problem when I tried to write that zombie apocalypse story in 7th grade. It really shows up that you wrote it hastily because it has a few spelling errors and typos. I'm not trying to offend you, but you really need to slow down and take time to both read your chapter before you submit it, and you may want to get someone to read it over and make sure everything is clear. Again, I'm just trying to help.

Your friend,

5/3/2011 c3 313Lycans Are Gods Gift To Furrys
Nice story, very cute
5/3/2011 c3 1Kieran Croi Orga
This story is going very well!

Chapter 3 is my favorite as of yet, and that implies that the story is getting better as it goes on...

Keep up the good work, my friend!

All hail ze fourth Reich!


Kieran Croi Orga
4/25/2011 c2 1Orthodox
Ah, just like a novel! Reminds me of Dan Brown or James Patterson. You've got the characters down, and the story's great, but the organization could use improvement. Firstly, REALLY big paragraph! Too big for one bite! You need to cut up paragraphs per situation. Second and finally, run on sentences in the beginning of chapter one. Might've missed some, but look out for those! Oh, and combine words! Change things like I will to I'll. This isn't school anymore, you gotta focus! Overall, you're doing great so far! I can't wait to see more! :D

P.S. Forgot to add this; check your capitalization!

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