for Paul's Imprint Jasper8/18/2013 c1 
11Flamboyantmesss
Is it wrong that I only read this because of your avatar? Criminal minds! Yay! Anyway, Jasper Kilen? Sounds alot like Cullen, but its okay! Good job! -N
11FlamboyantmesssIs it wrong that I only read this because of your avatar? Criminal minds! Yay! Anyway, Jasper Kilen? Sounds alot like Cullen, but its okay! Good job! -N
8/18/2013 c3 ookami mariku
The plot looks promissing and its not nice of other people to talk to you like that. Im sorry you gave up on this story but i was wondering could i use the plot?Im going to make this story perfection!Cus its such a waste that a story like this goes unnoticed! The story is great belive me!
The plot looks promissing and its not nice of other people to talk to you like that. Im sorry you gave up on this story but i was wondering could i use the plot?Im going to make this story perfection!Cus its such a waste that a story like this goes unnoticed! The story is great belive me!
11/7/2011 c3 16saffiremoon21
In light of the negative review you received: It was rude and unhelpful. It was, however, not entirely uncalled for.
Your spelling is pretty weak. There's really no excuse for that. Any decent word processor will have spell check, and most browsers (Firefox, Chrome, Safari) have a built-in spell checker that should be sufficient for your general purposes. If you want a word processor with spell check, ff.net recommends LibreOffice. I personally use OpenOffice, which is free and works quite well.
The constant flash backs and point of view changes are confusing and unnecessary. If you must change povs, limit yourself to one pov per chapter.
This is perhaps nitpicky, but numbers should be typed out, for example, sixty instead of 60.
And while I don't think I've ever heard of a girl called Jasper, I'd be totally okay with you using it as a female name were there not a (male) canon character named Jasper already in Twilight. If this is intended to be a female version of the canon Jasper, it's not at all clear.
Furthermore, your use of things like "u" instead of "you" make you seem immature and cause me to question your respect for the English language.
I'm not saying these things to be cruel or mean. Your writing does need work and I think if you spent a little more time proofreading your own work your story would be much more compelling and easier to read. As it is, the spelling errors are glaringly distracting.
16saffiremoon21In light of the negative review you received: It was rude and unhelpful. It was, however, not entirely uncalled for.
Your spelling is pretty weak. There's really no excuse for that. Any decent word processor will have spell check, and most browsers (Firefox, Chrome, Safari) have a built-in spell checker that should be sufficient for your general purposes. If you want a word processor with spell check, ff.net recommends LibreOffice. I personally use OpenOffice, which is free and works quite well.
The constant flash backs and point of view changes are confusing and unnecessary. If you must change povs, limit yourself to one pov per chapter.
This is perhaps nitpicky, but numbers should be typed out, for example, sixty instead of 60.
And while I don't think I've ever heard of a girl called Jasper, I'd be totally okay with you using it as a female name were there not a (male) canon character named Jasper already in Twilight. If this is intended to be a female version of the canon Jasper, it's not at all clear.
Furthermore, your use of things like "u" instead of "you" make you seem immature and cause me to question your respect for the English language.
I'm not saying these things to be cruel or mean. Your writing does need work and I think if you spent a little more time proofreading your own work your story would be much more compelling and easier to read. As it is, the spelling errors are glaringly distracting.
9/24/2011 c1 bella
ok Jasper sounds ALOT like bella...
ok Jasper sounds ALOT like bella...
9/13/2011 c1 Heartz of Darkness
I love your story idea!
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I do not think u write like kindergardener.
The story idea is not retarded.
You are not doing Meyers characters any wrong.
And anyone who sends scorch reviews is an asshole.
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I hope you continue with your story and I can't wait read your next chapter! plz Update soon! :D
I love your story idea!
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I do not think u write like kindergardener.
The story idea is not retarded.
You are not doing Meyers characters any wrong.
And anyone who sends scorch reviews is an asshole.
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I hope you continue with your story and I can't wait read your next chapter! plz Update soon! :D
6/30/2011 c3 Brooklyns Finest Hufflepuff
Do what you need to do ill read it when you write/update glad to know you are not quiting:)
Do what you need to do ill read it when you write/update glad to know you are not quiting:)
6/29/2011 c3 Steers.and.Roses
the story is great
dont let any pissed off guy tell u it isn't
rock on and stand out
-MACI
the story is great
dont let any pissed off guy tell u it isn't
rock on and stand out
-MACI
6/14/2011 c1 too lazy to sign in
Why the hell is jasper a girl,this is retarded to the point where I wont even read any-more.You write like a kindergarten student.
You abuse Meyers characters to the point of no return. bending them for the needs of this simple plot and ruining them in all reality's. You need some better ideas and A writing coarse.
Why the hell is jasper a girl,this is retarded to the point where I wont even read any-more.You write like a kindergarten student.
You abuse Meyers characters to the point of no return. bending them for the needs of this simple plot and ruining them in all reality's. You need some better ideas and A writing coarse.
4/18/2011 c2 Brooklyns Finest Hufflepuff
WOW UMMMM AMAZING UPDATE SOOOOON PLEEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CANT WAIT ITS GOIN GREAT:):)
WOW UMMMM AMAZING UPDATE SOOOOON PLEEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CANT WAIT ITS GOIN GREAT:):)
4/13/2011 c1 Brooklyns Finest Hufflepuff
OHHH MYYY GOSSHH THIS WAS SOOO AMAZING I LOVED THIS IT WAS SOO COOL I LOVED IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CANT WAIT PLEASE
OHHH MYYY GOSSHH THIS WAS SOOO AMAZING I LOVED THIS IT WAS SOO COOL I LOVED IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CANT WAIT PLEASE