for Young XMen: Omega Level Threat6/6/2020 c1 Guest
Search for Omega mutant fanfictions and you find an angst filled story with a weak protagonist that gets fucked up by his own classmates... Thats great, exactly what i was searching for.
Search for Omega mutant fanfictions and you find an angst filled story with a weak protagonist that gets fucked up by his own classmates... Thats great, exactly what i was searching for.
7/15/2019 c9 Well then
Just a waste of time really. Every x men novel I see is always the same. Give them an amazing x gene but then nerf the fck outta them and they get shat on by everyone... Also you need to work on your flow cause honestly... I can see why you haven't got many people reading this story. Up to this point leading from the chapter before it's all mixing up leading to a harder read.
Just a waste of time really. Every x men novel I see is always the same. Give them an amazing x gene but then nerf the fck outta them and they get shat on by everyone... Also you need to work on your flow cause honestly... I can see why you haven't got many people reading this story. Up to this point leading from the chapter before it's all mixing up leading to a harder read.
12/17/2011 c1 black guy
I hate black people.
I hate black people.
6/20/2011 c26 
1NahlaLebeau
the way you described the final scene between Null and Caduceus was almost cinematic in how descriptive you were. loving this story more everytime I read it.
1NahlaLebeauthe way you described the final scene between Null and Caduceus was almost cinematic in how descriptive you were. loving this story more everytime I read it.
6/19/2011 c26 32Spyash2
A brilliant end; and I'm rather glad that that happened to Caduceus. He was such a dick that I really wanted to choke him to death myself. Really, I did.
I wonder what would happen now though? Because you just made me want more.
32Spyash2A brilliant end; and I'm rather glad that that happened to Caduceus. He was such a dick that I really wanted to choke him to death myself. Really, I did.
I wonder what would happen now though? Because you just made me want more.
6/4/2011 c21 1Wolfdude131
"Disembowel one guy and they assume you're Hannibal Lector." He said to himself
"it was like the forest at night that held the big bad wolf that scared little kids except this wolf was all too real and his fangs were a little sharper than any fairy tale lupine."
I love these two lines about Cad, I love what you have done with my character... I always new he was cruel... but not evil. I adore evil Cad.
Sorry if I haven't been reading your stories in a while, I've been ocupied... I'm graduating from BOCES in a week and from District on the 24th... lots of preparation...
1Wolfdude131"Disembowel one guy and they assume you're Hannibal Lector." He said to himself
"it was like the forest at night that held the big bad wolf that scared little kids except this wolf was all too real and his fangs were a little sharper than any fairy tale lupine."
I love these two lines about Cad, I love what you have done with my character... I always new he was cruel... but not evil. I adore evil Cad.
Sorry if I haven't been reading your stories in a while, I've been ocupied... I'm graduating from BOCES in a week and from District on the 24th... lots of preparation...
6/3/2011 c22 pglong95
yo narutokid239 i just wanted to let you know that chapter 22 is the same as chapter 21
yo narutokid239 i just wanted to let you know that chapter 22 is the same as chapter 21
5/30/2011 c21 NahlaLebeau
love love LOVE the story so far, i can actually see this printed as a comic, which tells me it's amazing. just one little thing, chapters 21 and 22 seem to be the same chapter. Other than that I love the story. Absolutely amazing.
love love LOVE the story so far, i can actually see this printed as a comic, which tells me it's amazing. just one little thing, chapters 21 and 22 seem to be the same chapter. Other than that I love the story. Absolutely amazing.
5/25/2011 c20 Spyash2
You know, the more I read this the more I want. You've got my completely hooked and that doesn't happen often.
Keep up the good work.
You know, the more I read this the more I want. You've got my completely hooked and that doesn't happen often.
Keep up the good work.
5/20/2011 c1 CU Administration
Hello dear! Critic's United has come to review your story. Hope this helps you =].
First, absolutely love your writing style. Immediately I fell into it and I didn't have to force myself to read it like I some stuff I read lol.
First thing, let me show you this part:
"Patience, Keenan, I'm deciding how I'm going to beat you." Jaqueris responded with a smirk, in his mind he knew that with just about any move he could get past his cousin whether it was a drive, pull-up or crossover it didn't matter.
A period does not end declarative dialogue when a dialogue tag (ex: Jaqueris responded), a comma does. Then the sentence following is a run on sentence. Let me show you the correct way:
"Patience, Keenan, I'm deciding how I'm going to beat you," Jaqueris responded with a smirk. In his mind he knew that with just about any move he could get past his cousin whether it was a drive, pull-up, or crossover; it didn't matter.
A comma is just for pausing. The first one should have been a full stop because it was a completely new sentence. The last one should have been a semi-colon or period. A semi-colon works because those two sentences relate to each other while being two separate sentences.
Numbers under ten are supposed to be spelled out.
As I read on, I see you got lazy and stopped putting ending punctuation on sentences. There always has to be punctuation at the end of a sentence no matter what.
Wait, Jaqueris just gets in the car with a stranger without much of a fight? That doest sound realistic. Perhaps putting up more of a fight would help.
The main issue with your writing is it lacks visual aspect. You didn't set the atmosphere, describe the characters, or put any feel to the story. It's just being written and is hard to connect with due to those things missing. I am not familiar with these characters so from the lack of visual on them, they are like naked mannequins. True those who read in this fandom know what the characters look like and how they act, but writing like your readers have no idea, as if this is original work helps you to make all your writing more connectable. You gave some description on the man in the limo so that was good. Just don't do the "he was wearing" his hair was" kind of thing.
Other issue is you have a lot of run on sentences. Don't be afraid to use periods and for questions, they need a question mark. Hope this helps.
Signed,
DarkSacredJewelXoX
[Founder of Critics United ✔ⓒ]
Hello dear! Critic's United has come to review your story. Hope this helps you =].
First, absolutely love your writing style. Immediately I fell into it and I didn't have to force myself to read it like I some stuff I read lol.
First thing, let me show you this part:
"Patience, Keenan, I'm deciding how I'm going to beat you." Jaqueris responded with a smirk, in his mind he knew that with just about any move he could get past his cousin whether it was a drive, pull-up or crossover it didn't matter.
A period does not end declarative dialogue when a dialogue tag (ex: Jaqueris responded), a comma does. Then the sentence following is a run on sentence. Let me show you the correct way:
"Patience, Keenan, I'm deciding how I'm going to beat you," Jaqueris responded with a smirk. In his mind he knew that with just about any move he could get past his cousin whether it was a drive, pull-up, or crossover; it didn't matter.
A comma is just for pausing. The first one should have been a full stop because it was a completely new sentence. The last one should have been a semi-colon or period. A semi-colon works because those two sentences relate to each other while being two separate sentences.
Numbers under ten are supposed to be spelled out.
As I read on, I see you got lazy and stopped putting ending punctuation on sentences. There always has to be punctuation at the end of a sentence no matter what.
Wait, Jaqueris just gets in the car with a stranger without much of a fight? That doest sound realistic. Perhaps putting up more of a fight would help.
The main issue with your writing is it lacks visual aspect. You didn't set the atmosphere, describe the characters, or put any feel to the story. It's just being written and is hard to connect with due to those things missing. I am not familiar with these characters so from the lack of visual on them, they are like naked mannequins. True those who read in this fandom know what the characters look like and how they act, but writing like your readers have no idea, as if this is original work helps you to make all your writing more connectable. You gave some description on the man in the limo so that was good. Just don't do the "he was wearing" his hair was" kind of thing.
Other issue is you have a lot of run on sentences. Don't be afraid to use periods and for questions, they need a question mark. Hope this helps.
Signed,
DarkSacredJewelXoX
[Founder of Critics United ✔ⓒ]