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5/10/2011 c2 8hentai18ancilla
Is Ren gay since you made it sound like he has slept with other men (ex, Rick) and has he decided to give up pursuing a relationship with her or will he try again after returning from L.A. since he must think her too dense to understand his previous advances or even understand he was talking about her when he talked to her as Bo. Is SHo even interested in her in your story since he did not seem at all worried about running over her when in the canon manga version he was emotionally torn for slapping her.
5/10/2011 c1 hentai18ancilla
Ahaha! So Kyouko knows that Ren wants to have sex with her but she's not interested in him because she sees him as a respected older man and is repulsed by his interest which is why she is keeping this Bo secret, right? Finally this credible portrayal of a young teen girl who has no intimate experience about relationships and how she would feel discomfited with Ren's interest. That's why she was not sad not to have to act intimately close to him as Setsuka, and the fact that she felt that Ren wanted to make it an incestuous relationship...Love it! And Hiakru too, he should be used more often, and this angle of his ex-girlfriend instead of him being 2-dimensional and lovelorn for her is much better for plot development.
5/5/2011 c1 7Fangurl Ayane
You stopped reading the manga at chapter 190? But...that could only mean... :O YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE?(O.O)

Your sarcastic undertones are funny and the situations you put them in (the unexpected Hikaru/Sho date, and Ren crying on Lory's shoulder drinking a fuzzy navel) are kind of twisted in an amusing way. On to chapter 2.
5/4/2011 c2 1ibex-ascendant
Yes! I just love this fic so much.

But man, I kinda wanted to punch Hikaru when he called Kyoko's issues with Sho a "petty relationship grudge". The man took advantage of an emotionally ruined girl who's only solace in life was him, and then gloated about it!

Anyway, keep up the amazing work. I eagerly await more.
5/3/2011 c2 27Jhiz
WOW... that was a lot of story for one chapter...

I liked how you gave Lory a personal reason for helping Kuon.

I liked the interaction between Moko and Kyoko as well as between Yashiro and Ren. Maybe they should just go with what seems to be working *evil laugh*

I will look forward to the next chapter... I hope it does not take TOOOOO long. Thanks!
5/3/2011 c2 12Miaka Mouse
wow this is an amazing fic! i love how much detail you've put into developing the plot and the characters' motivations. I'm feeling really bad for Ren right now though :( also,it can't be a coincidence that ren and hikaru are going to be in LA at the same time... dare I hope Kyoko will end up out there too?
5/3/2011 c2 Guest
Your story has a lot of out of charecter moments, a lot of discrepancey from the manga, I really dont get how you plan to get hikau and kyoko together as a couple.please go back and re read the manga so you dont have obvious mistakes.
5/3/2011 c1 32Hasty
Good work.I feel sorry for Ren, but he should have acted sooner. Carpe diem- or in this case carpe Kyoko. I love your version of Lory. True to character, and larger than life. What does a Flaming Lamborghini consist of? I want one.
5/3/2011 c1 1ibex-ascendant

How is it that you're able to write so well? It isn't fair, I tell ya!
5/1/2011 c1 13lescribble
This was nicely written! :)
5/1/2011 c1 27Jhiz
Hmm... I think I remember a conversation vaguely reminiscent of the fuzzy navel (quick fix - peach snapps and OJ) and man card *evil grin* You made me laugh so hard my husband came in to ask be what was going on...

I have to give you kudos for using my all time favorite word - onomatopoeia. It is truly the greatest word in the English language even if very few people realize what it means, BUZZ!

Anyway, I loved the interactions with your characters and the super long chapter... hehe, I am not the only one who resorted to rediculously long chapters to succeed on this challenge.

I like the twist of Hikaru having a girlfriend recently. I loved Ren considering Yashiro his rebound. The Setsu and Cain interactions were fun but I am surprised that Kyoko did not recognize Shotaro.

I will desperately await chapter two. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this challenge response. It is epic and awesome!
5/1/2011 c1 1Interficere
You make me laugh. Really hard.

I had many 'favourite moments' but I think I like this line best: And unlike the rest of Japan, Kyoko did not want to be boned by Tsuruga Ren.

But seriously - Shoko and Sho's phone conversation, Lory's entrance and subsequent emasculation of Ren...so funny. I trust that Hikaru will somehow end up with Kyoko in the following chapters, but I'm slightly hopeful that you might slip in some Yashiro/Ren yaoi there too. Okay, maybe not. Actually, please don't. :D Either way, great start, I'm looking forward to reading more.
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