for Teenage Hunter Jayden Style9/16/2011 c1 JellyWinchester
Ur plot line is very intrestin, jayden seems like a strong willed girl which is also partly from john :D i like the way u explain the bits but u could also try n change 1 thing. Its like the way ur sayin the story is like whole world revolves ard jaden. Like every line starts with the "I did this I had that I have to" try 2 mix up others too but u did a great job on ur 1 chapter :D cant wait 2 read the rest :)
Ur plot line is very intrestin, jayden seems like a strong willed girl which is also partly from john :D i like the way u explain the bits but u could also try n change 1 thing. Its like the way ur sayin the story is like whole world revolves ard jaden. Like every line starts with the "I did this I had that I have to" try 2 mix up others too but u did a great job on ur 1 chapter :D cant wait 2 read the rest :)
15/18/2011 c3 caymus
your basic story is good - but it is hard to read because of the grammar issues - you may want to have someone proof read this for you -
your basic story is good - but it is hard to read because of the grammar issues - you may want to have someone proof read this for you -