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for My soul, his soul

7/6/2011 c1 26songstar13
Hello! Song here, returning the favor (your review to 'Hope is the thing with Feathers').

Hm. I write a bit of poetry myself (not usually for fandoms though), so I'll apologize in advance for my possibly sharper-than-usual commentary.

Now, on to the review!

I really liked the beginning, where she was describing Soul's soul (everything in me rebels against that-soul's soul. So wrong, haha). It flowed really well, and it was artistic and insightful without being wordy and flowery.

We get to Maka's soul, and i didn't quite like it as much. It seemed awkward to me that she was describing her own soul as if she could truly see it from another's POV-she's too detached. That part might have been done better from Soul's POV, but I can understand not wanting to change viewpoints in the middle of a poem. However, this technique (changing viewpoints) /is/ used in poetry a lot, and if implemented correctly, can really be successful and outstanding.

The direct quote from Stein felt really awkward, in my opinion. His words and tone were completely contrary to the feel of the rest of the poem, and I think it might have been better to paraphrase-the audience would still understand the reference you're making even if it isn't word-for-word.

The ending however, was great. I especially liked the line 'till we die cool'. I admit at first, I saw the slang (till) and it put me off a bit, but I read it a few more times and liked the way the character's unique mannerisms came through in the use of slang.

Overall, pretty good. Keep writing!

6/5/2011 c1 6Draco Oblivion
I realy liked this it is so poetic. I also liked the way you describe Maka and Soul's relationship, they aren't always the best pair but they both fight for each other without reservation and always try their hardest to improve. :D
5/28/2011 c1 3The Nut Tree
I just read this three times...

You captured the relationship between Maka and Soul (in my opinion) rather well. Keep it up!


This is the first time I have issued this sort of challenge on fanfiction, but I'm willing to offer it if you are willing to accept it. Here is my challenge: impress me. Keep writing like this, constantly improving, striving for perfection...and you will, indeed, impress me. Will you accept my challenge?

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