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6/20/2011 c1 13Kaye Nightshade
Ah, well, hi there! ;D

OOH! A veryveryvery interesting idea for a fic, my friend. :)

Anyways, to the CC. ^^

Hmm, if these were Luke's thoughts about his childhood and such shouldn't it be in... *cough* past tense? :/ Lookie here:

'He is only four when...' See, he was /four/ years old then. Don't you think it was; 'He was only four when...' But I think you were just trying a different writing style, I presume? If so, alright then. :)

Other minor mistakes:

'But for now, he is confused at the very moment.' Hmm, replace the 'the' before very to 'this'.

'And instantly, He felt his anger...' Er, lower case the 'h' in 'he'. :)

'And he made a realization that this is the beginning of his hatred towards his careless father.' Er, the sentence /kinda/ sounded a bit awkward, you know? Advice: Whenever you write down the last line, don't start it with a conjunction like, 'and', 'but', 'or'.

How about if you used; 'Now, he made a realization that this is the beginning of his hatred towards his careless father.'

There! :)

See, overall it was pretty good, actually. ;) However, it is as if it were taken in the book or something. o.o The repetitiveness of his hatred to his father. Eh, this doesn't really grab me or anything.

Oh, I don't accuse me on anything but it's as if I read it already. Sorry for the alarm or anything. xP

Eh, anyways, good job! ;D

*Kaye
5/31/2011 c3 LOL
how old is he here?
5/31/2011 c1 bla
KEEP UP THE HATE GIRL! HAHAHAHA
5/29/2011 c1 4mrsspecialk
poor luke :(

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