FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for A Series of Stories on a Hundred Different Topics

11/24/2016 c1 2thisissooldoldlikerocks
I cryied idk why but I Did
I love the fic
12/14/2014 c1 59Ghanaperu
Awwww. See, we all knew Halt has a heart of gold! He just hides it. This was a cute story. Thanks for sharing!
12/27/2013 c1 7whentheresawill
awwwwwwwww
i loved it
8/8/2013 c1 20TundrainAfrica
You plan on continuing the themes?
2/19/2013 c1 68Sauron Gorthaur
Very sweet, radha. Once again you do a lovely job with the mentor/apprentice relationship between two characters, and you do nice work portraying the characters of Halt and Will.

I can easily imagine something like this taking place sometime in the early years of Will’s apprenticeship, maybe between books one and two, since Will still seems pretty young in this particular one-shot. But I do see how it would be important to a young orphan boy like Will to know that Halt loves him, especially since Halt can be so gruff and careful about keeping such emotions hidden.

You did a good job portraying Halt, as usual. His “you already did” answer to Will’s initial question was, of course, right in character, as was his surprised and gruff reaction to Will’s query about if he loved him. And Halt would put such a question off with the excuse that he has reports to fill it…seems like he always has reports to fill out. But despite his losing of his temper, which also was in character, it was appropriate for him to feel sorry that he got angry with Will and that he would want to apologize, albeit in his own gruff way. And the way he finally admits that he loves Will was completely in character, too; he manages to say it in his own, distinct, caustic way, but it doesn’t make it any less endearing.

For constructive criticism, I’ll say that it felt just a tad rushed. It’s a sweet scene, and I think you could have fleshed it out just a little more. Mostly, what I felt was lacking in this area was just a tad bit more description. Almost the entire story is dialogue, which I know you like, but in this story (rather than script) format, I think a little more description would really help the story seem more real and vivid for the reader, especially in relation to the characters. Other than a few facial expressions, you don’t really give us any information to picture the characters, where they are, how they are positioned in relation to one another, and how they are moving, gesturing, etc. I myself struggle with this often – I’ve been told a few times that my characters are just talking heads, that I focus on facial expressions and dialogue, but don’t give readers descriptions of movements, hand gestures, etc. I think that is your problem here. I think you could think about giving the reader a little more in terms of what the characters are doing so that we can picture them as we are reading.

As always, good work. You always do a good job with these sweet, fluffy type one-shots. Keep on writing!

-Sauron Gorthaur
10/26/2012 c1 Ranger Girl 81
Awwww! Can totally see Will asking that!
6/3/2011 c1 SoulMistress12
Awww... So cute! Leave it to Will to ask such a question! ^.^ Please continue, I love it!
6/3/2011 c1 39xxDodo
Wow, someone else took the challenge! :D

Lol, that was a good start, can't wait to see what else you write!

-Dodo
6/3/2011 c1 Luvergirlof books
that's not exactly what i would have thought Halt's reaction to that question would have been, and Will's last line was a bit corny, but i think you've really started this off well. Keep going! i can't wait to see what else you think up!
6/3/2011 c1 4Raider1472
Haha! A ton of fun! Great use of dialogue!

~Raider

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service