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4/2/2013 c2 Galem
*falls over laughing* Oh Mata Nui! That conversation you had with the Toa was hilarious!
And I understand what you're going through. I'm in the same predicament.
2/24/2012 c3 AllSpark Princess
This story is very interesting. Hope you update it soon.
6/24/2011 c3 InTheLight-Hija
Gaahh, cliffie! Where are they going? Is it to Mata Nui? *keeps rambling and is silenced by Nuju* *scuffles away from Toa of Ice and returns to review* Omgosh, this chapter was intense in some parts! My heart was pounding during the fight with Rakahn, and the way you brought him in again when he found Kira in the snow... scary *shudders* But I do like your two new OCs! They're awesome. Update again soon!
6/18/2011 c2 Takanuva'sProtege
Love this! Please please please write some more and let me know if you would like some extra OC's please.
6/12/2011 c2 12FlightofSilver
First, I would like to inform you that this is the first story I've ever read that has made me want to copy a grammar textbook in a review for it. That's a compliment, because copying textbooks is boring and tedious and not worth the effort for some stories. This one is.

While I will try to keep from giving excessive grammar tips, I must say right now two things:

Number 1: if you're going to have Kira talk to the reader, have it make sense. I understand if your goal is to show how friendly she is, but please don't interrupt the story by having her saying hi to the reader (who, as an unspoken rule, is supposed to be either not physically present at all or, ideally, experiencing the events through the eyes of the characters themselves). This kind of fourth-wall-breaking felt like you were imitating Dora the Explorer.

Number 2: KEEP THE VERB TENSES CONSISTENT. I cannot stress this enough. If you use past tense to tell the story, keep it that way. PLEASE.

As a casual observation, I noticed that Kira does not talk or think consistently like the small child everyone says she is. At first she did, but then she was suddenly had the verbal vocabulary and general mindset of someone quite a bit older. I'd advise you tread with caution, lest Kira become a Mary Sue.

The story itself is intriguing, and I like the idea of having a Bionicle toy come to life. Good luck with your next chapter.

P.S. Maybe I could beta read this story for you?
6/12/2011 c2 4LokaCola
After reading these two chapters, I really think this story is great. Keep it up! :)

Btw, your'e A/N is the funniest hing I've seen in a long time. xD
6/12/2011 c2 InTheLight-Hija
Geez, your A/Ns are so much fun to read... XD And interesting new chapter! As far as I can tell these people taking care of Kira are apparently human, though it wasn't really clarified it seemed. I'm guessing they're not *entirely* human though, are they? They did talk about Helryx after all.

Kira sounds like a sweet little OC! And her name's the same as a crazy serial killer in an anime I've seen before O.O No offense intened... It's just gonna take a little while for me to get used to reading about a cute Kira 'steada evil Kira. XD And the energy hound was a neat twist to throw in. Not many people do stuff with them and they're cool! XD

Keep up the good work!
6/11/2011 c1 Toa Thau-Que
Jaw drop. Wow! That was really good. Give your self credit. Again, wow!
6/9/2011 c1 2Toa Lapaka
How can you say that sucked? it was epic! Just the intro has made me want more, the descriptions, the story, it was amazing! I can't wait to see whats next. The only one typo I noticed was "willing to accept his MATER'S wrath yet dreading the moment as time slowly ticked by." and that just made me think of cars. Keep it up!
6/9/2011 c1 InTheLight-Hija
Yay, new story! :D I'm so happy! It looks so exciting and I like how the first chapter is more about... the, ah, evilish people in the story? (They seem dark and evil-bad so I'm assuming they're the villains in the plot XD correct me if I'm wrong.) And I can clearly see that this is going to be a very creative story, and can't wait for more! :D

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