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for Mahou Senki: Lyrical Days

1/27/2012 c2 Vandenbz
I can't help but grin whenever I see Shirou and Nanoha interact, the fact that Nanoha's mom uses banning him from the kitchen for a punishment is rather humorous. Nice job conveying Shirou's frustration at his level of ability when it comes to helping Nanoha. Now that Fate has shown up things are going to get complicated for Shirou's group.

Minor error in that Kiritsugu was misspelled as 'Kiristugu' throughout the chapter.
1/27/2012 c1 Vandenbz
I like this story already! Makes a certain amount of sense that Kiritsugu would want to move to a different place to get away from the results of the last Grail War. A nice change to have him attend school with Nanoha and her friends. The battle with the Jewel Seed was excellent, both Shirou and Nanoha got the chance to demonstrate their potential. Further info from Yuuno and Raising Heart might help Shirou unlock his magical potential sooner than in canon. Looking forward to the next chapter!
1/23/2012 c5 Chris
Hmm...this is one of the best fanfics I have ever read, there is a lot of potential with this story. Keep up the hard work and keep writing. That being said, the part where you wrote about static was not realistic. Or at least, you did not explain why he was seeing static. No normal person would ever see actual static before their eyes. Only real problem I had with what you wrote. No other real problems stood out.

What I like...how you go about writing in the character's thought processes. You do a good job explaining the why, the how, and the what of a situation. This story is one of those I can not only actually picture in my head, but also gives a detailed description of what the characters are thinking and a reasonable thought process for the character. I cannot tell you how many stories I read where a character does something out of the blue with no warning at all. Normally, this is not a bad thing, but when you see a character's thoughts it should explain reasonably why they are doing something. Finally, your story flows from one scene to the next, unlike some stories I have read where they jump from one scene to the next and explain later. This story gets an A plus! 10 out of 10! I will be looking forward to your next chapter. Oh, and unlike those people who pester you fanfic writers to update constantly, I will tell you to take your time. After all, a rushed chapter will 9 times out of 10 be a bad one. I want quality, not quantity!
1/15/2012 c5 4TheSylentnight
Great work with the chapter. I liked seeing the interactions with Shirou and Fate. Since it's a young Shirou, it would make since for him to say he will save her from whatever is going on with her. Also loved that fight you had between Chrono and Shirou.

By the way, are you having trouble logging into Beast Lair's? I tried to change my IP address on my computer so I could login but I still can't get to the website. Are you having the same problems?
1/14/2012 c5 1teknofan
hey hero, this may be unrelated to the fic but i wanted to ask if your having any trouble accessing Beast's Lair. Did it get shut down or something. That would suck. Half the fun of your story is reading the forum thread along with it. Please let me know. Oh and awesome story by the way I am a big fan of nanoha and F/S N . Keep up the good work.
1/14/2012 c5 Teucrian
Awesome story. I hope to see a lot more!
1/10/2012 c5 watcherinthevoid
Great story am very interested in see the next chapter.

With the magic system in my personal opinion ( aka you can just skip reading the rest of this review )

When it comes to the magic systems i find that the common magic system that MLGN uses is a rather sheltered system when it comes to combat due to the Barrier jackets despite the fact they excel in highly destructive attacks. It also seems very science based ( or works using a very science idea as a base) i think i haven't really watched a full season of it..

While the Nasuverse magic a more of a scalpel due to it being rather concept ( aka punching reality in the face and replacing it with your own in Shirou's case) based which high level destruction is much harder to reach but still possible, But the word imposable is not really something to say due to it being based around making the impossible happen at your command.
1/8/2012 c5 Belthasar
Thanks a lot for updating.
1/7/2012 c5 Noaccountforme
Wow. I really, REALLY like where this story's headed. Please keep this going, there are so few good crossovers that have a good sense of where the plot is headed and the ability to make that trip interesting. The interaction between all of the MGLN and F/SN characters is excellent, and I very much look forward to Shirou developing his... unique... skills right alongside Nanoha (and Fate!). I've got to admit, I'm especially amused that Shirou was cowed into friendship with the mere *hint* of Befriending from Nanoha.

Lastly, I think you mentioned in an Author's Note somewhere that Shirou has his own life, and that he wouldn't be doing the same things necessarily that Nanoha is, and I applaud you for both being willing to make new stuff for him to do, and for not dragging us readers on a rehash of minor scenes with one additional character. However, I hope that you keep tying their adventures more and more closely together over time - there are a whole number of things in MGLN that I want to see Shirou's (and Kiritsugu's, if possible) reaction to.

Keep up the great work, and please, please, PLEASE keep writing this to completion - I really want to see how it all comes out!
1/4/2012 c5 11Unlimited Blade Works
and so the hunt begins with the added awesome of Shirou Emiya. This is definitely your best chapter yet and it was a really good set up for future chapters. Other than that I've only really got one question as a Type-Lunatic, i am naturally reading this as a fate stay night fan i hadn't even heard of Nanoha before this fan fic. But i digress with my limited knowledge of the Nanoha universe i must ask could a barrier jacket stop a low ranked Nobel Phantasm ie. Kanshou and Bakuya.
1/1/2012 c5 The One in the Mask
this is the best chapter that you made. and i think you do a good job

will waiting for a new chapter from you

i hope they will be more interaction between shiro and fate ,they will became a good pair and if you don't mind add a little love and jealous between nanoha and fate.

And i got a good idea,how about you skip the current chapter and go for the time when they grow up . For example after the this story arc end shiro leave nanoha and follow his father to fuyuki city and meet again in the future as archer and at first they will become enemy because of they point of view but after that they will joint hand and fight each other and i prefer the story after strike s series

and good job
12/31/2011 c5 ShineX
Interesting, I look forward to more :)
12/31/2011 c5 taichidecade
now shirou enters the hunt. Can't wait for the next chapter
12/28/2011 c5 4ColinatorGX
Loved the chapter! The character interactions were VERY interesting this time around. And laughing out loud at Lindy finding Kiritsugu infuriating.

Also of note, Shirou's antics at Fate's apartment. So very much like him. It felt like you portrayed the intensity of the feelings Shirou had when he said he wanted to save Fate very well!

Looking forward to more, and a Happy New Year!
12/27/2011 c5 Redmoon2
Looks like kiritsugu have no choice but to get involved, lol. it also looks like Shiro just got himself a pair of badass swords (Kanshou and Byakuya). Hope he'd get some more awesome swords.And i like the fight at the end which allows me to gauge Shiro's ability against a advanced Mid-Childa mage. Still i hope Shiro get stronger because as of he is now, he can't fulfill his promise to Fate.
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