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10/26/2020 c19 BrettVT
A shame you never finished this it’s excellent and well written, really enjoy the characters as well as the mental aspects of a darker world.
11/23/2015 c5 1Silder
Enjoyed it! Looking forward to the Viridian Forest
11/7/2015 c4 Sugarflier
Helloooooo, it's been a while. I would have reviewed sooner but I only realised the other day that this was being rewritten. Despite how long it's been I've still been looking for new chapters every so often, but since I was only looking for new chapters I didn't notice the old ones had been rewritten. But anyway, now that we've established I'm still lurking here in the shadows, moving on.

The story seems more organized. It's as if you're more sure of yourself when writing it. I think it's maybe because you've done it already and you know more where it's going and what you're doing etc - I'm in the process of rewriting a story myself and that's what it feels like for me. Or that's what it seems like anyway, I may be entirely wrong about you.

I think the most notable improvement I've noticed is the narrator and Lydia's interactions and his internal monologue when it comes to her, it's much more believable that he's pretty much smitten with her. Before, it was more like she was there just for the sake of a love interest - which I'm guilty of doing myself because I couldn't write a romance if my life depended on it. But anyway, I like the way he talks about her in his head and I find his feelings very real and convincing, even though it hasn't really been done in depth yet.

I like how you're doing Riru in this. In the old version she was always a bit of a non-entity for me, I never paid any attention to her. But in the rewrite she's noticeably an entitled brat and it makes me hate her and thus pay attention. It isn't even in an exaggerated way, it's in a realistic way and we all know somebody like that in real life and I think that's why I find her so easy to dislike. In a good way though, we all need characters there to hate.

Narrator himself I'm not sure about. His vocabulary and speech patterns are too deliberate I think. I don't find that his speech is believable, it's like it's rehearsed. when I play a scene in which he speaks in my head I can't find it natural no matter what. I get that he's supposed to be sort of cold and calculating but even so everyone has a natural rhythm when they speak and he just seems out of tune.

I did like Adam a lot in the old version but not much has been with him so far in the rewrite so I'll reserve judgement until a later date.

I like the narrator's interactions with Gabe more in this. They're obviously growing very close but he still has to work hard and think in order to train him. It's not like it's an instant unbreakable bond, he has to actually try and I like that.

I know that most of the things I comment on are character centric and I don't comment on much else unless it really stands out to me, but characters are the main thing I read for. I'm more interested in the characters of most works than the actual plot.

Oh one more thing I do like the little present day interludes with whoever the gagged captive is. It makes me wonder just how much the rewrite's going to deviate from the original and I'm looking forward to finding out.

So, happy writing. I still love the story, I'll be waiting for the next update and I hope this doesn't get abandoned because that would be tragic.
10/7/2015 c2 6Y-ko
Oh god, you made your MC even more insufferable with this rewrite. I didn't think it was possible.
9/27/2015 c3 miclimp
I just caught up with the rewritten chapters and I must say that it's very different, but not in a bad way. You haven't lost your writing skills, luckily. Keep it up, I'd say :)
9/26/2015 c3 Guest
Honestly, I liked the first version of the story much better, but I'm just glad you're updating again!
9/25/2015 c3 1Silder
Good update! I have pretty much forgotten what happened in this story the first time I read it so this is like having something new to look forward to on Fridays.
9/18/2015 c2 Silder
Good update! I like the world building
9/18/2015 c2 Gentle Blossom
I'm not logged in because stupid fanfic will not let me review a chapter twice. But whatever.

So this story has changed drastically since a year ago. I'm liking it so far. It's nice that you added protagonist's family in so early. Grant is a social climber huh. Liked what you added about Unova and Kalos. It adds a little extra to to the story. I wonder what else you added and changed...Can't wait for the next update! Till next time Whimsy!
9/11/2015 c1 VXIII
Holy crap this chapter changed so much from what it was a year ago. Glad to see that you didn't give up on this fic :D
9/11/2015 c1 Silder
Cool re-write! I'm looking forward to more. Although, you may find more success posting it from scratch, that way we can add it to our alerts.
9/11/2015 c19 Manser77
8/19/2015 c1 jibasco
Will you continue with this story? I think I speak for several others when I say that I am eagerly awaiting your return
6/11/2014 c11 PistolInTheArea
I have been reading this story from the beginning, and it has only been mildly entertaining for me. This chapter kind of set it off for me and I am looking forward to the rest of the story. (I don't want to elaborate, just in case this story gets boring and I leave.
6/9/2014 c9 PistolInTheArea
Might as well comment to support you even though I have nothing to say.
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