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for Over the Horizon

7/16/2012 c1 21Queen GR
I'm re-reading this, and only just now noticing that Their is spelled Thier.
Consistantly, at least, but still.
There are several little errors, mostly spelling and grammar, but nothing which detracts from the overall quality of the story. I want to read beyond the chapters you've got up, and figured it'd be a decent idea to remind you of this project since it's been abandoned for just over a year.
/hypocrite, you've left your fics lying for longer

I don't think you've abandoned this story, and I understand that sometimes an idea dies for a while, but I would love to see more of this fic. I want to see how it all plays out, and I'm sure that everyone else who reads this fic wants the same.
/huggles
I believe in you.
7/25/2011 c3 Queen GR
Gyaaaah! UPDATE UPDATE UPDAAAAAAATE! So now Al is gonna raise America and Canada? Hurry and update, please! I wanna read more!
7/24/2011 c3 13Super Sister
Yay, an update. :)

Although I don't really like spiritual stuff (personal opinions), I still enjoyed it and look forward to another exciting chappie. :)

So... We're probably even FURTHER back in time than before, huh? Mammoths in America... When did those go extinct again? Update soon!
7/13/2011 c2 FanfictionLover
"He definately wasn't in the base anymore." *definitely*

"Even in the face of the reality ^ he'd made it," ^that^

"grabbing his pack and lossing the scarf around his face" *loosening*? (I think?)

"Something he missed for so long." *Something he'd, (or 'he had') missed for (or 'after') so long.*

"any mentions of civilizations, ors whatnot." *Any mention of civilization, or whatnot.* (You could probably replace the period in front of "any" with a comma.)

"other than the occassional animal." *occasional*

"Alfred watched as a large cloud of dust that seemed to be headed straight for him." *Either remove "as" or change it to "Alfred watched as a large cloud of dust seemed to head straight for him."

"reconzing what was running toward him." *recognizing*

"not wanting to be run over by the agressive animals." *aggressive*

"he spotted a large rock he'd past earlier and hurriedly scramlbed up," *passed* (Although you could type "/verbed/ past" like walked or wandered past.) *scrambled*

"bison thundered past, the wind dragging at his cloths. panting slightly" (I'm pretty sure that "past" is used correctly here.)*clothes* *Panting*

"American bison. they'd gone extinct" *They'd*

"hundred years. so, at least he" *So*

"Days past by and America was" *passed*

"of wandering, with the occassional hunting, skinning and" *occasional* *skinning,*

"spotted a colomn of smoke in the distance" *column*

"night came and the temperature plumetted." (Believe it or not, that's spelled *plummeted* I actually had to quadruple check it because they both looked wrong to me.)

"As he came into view to the encampment" *view of* not "to"

"he'd said. alfred hadn't spoken anything" *Alfred*

"give off an aura of peace, thought tempted to finish" *though*

"the strangers came closer he took in thier clothing" *their*

"what little decoration they had was very primative." *primitive*

"They diffinately looked primative themselves, natives for sure." *definitely* *primitive*

"Muttered one of the warriors as they eyed the shotgun, not reconizing it." *recognizing*

"Alfred's narrowed when one of the men poked him with his spear," *Alfred's eyes* I'm assuming?

"they eyed the stranger who spoke thier language in surprise." *their* (One of those exceptions to the rule, "i before e except after c")

"[Uh, you can call me Al thought.]" *though*

"It looked like nothing they'de ver come across before." *they'd ever*

"His wife placed her hand on his arm, looking back at Alfred before spekaing softly." *speaking*

"they backed off, spears lowered, all looking curious at thier leader." *curiously* *their*

"That night the chief and his tribe warmly welcomed Alfred as thier guest." *their*

"Alfred's heart sank when he saw no reconition when he said America." *recognition*

"They all were fascinated by the strange slick feeling the fabric had," *They were all*

"But, he knew, deep in his gut, it was useless. There wouldn't be no phone." *that it was useless. There wouldn't be any phones.* or *There would be no phones.*

The last sentence is a bit screwy grammatically as well. But I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to say, and thus how to fix it.

*Wipes hands* I think I got most of it. Well, now that that is out of the way. *Gushes* This is so COOL! I never considered going back that far! Does this mean he'll have to wait a century or so before he sees anyone? Oh, but what about the baby American twins? Or maybe they're not born/created yet? Then there's the possibility of a previous personification of North America... *Daydreams* ...Aaaanyway... This might not be such a bad thing for Alfred, it'll give him some time to recuperate a bit mentally and emotionally before he tries to save the world... Now I'm left to wonder if he's going to change history completely or leave it as it is until he gets closer to the present/future years he's more used to... Whatever you do, Don't Abandon This Story. (My curiousity would literally eat me alive...) If you ever get stuck and need any ideas or whatever, don't be afraid to ask! Your style is still hanging in there, keep an eye on your capitalization and punctuation, (those commas are tricky little things...) and you should be fine. I'll be back for the next chapter, no problem!

Happy Writing!
7/13/2011 c2 Super Sister
Alfred should really have noticed that he's probably landed in a time before America was discovered or has just recently been discovered. At least, that's what I think... Poor Al, at least he's not gonna go mad now... Well, not as mad as he would have gone without human contact...

I like this story, update again eventually (I used to say soon, but I don't like pressurising people into updating fast).
7/12/2011 c1 2Animateia
This is good. Really good. I hope you keep on writing more!
7/11/2011 c1 irelevant
Please continue :)
7/11/2011 c1 FanfictionLover
I love where this is going already. *Jumps up and down in glee* I've been looking for this kind of time/dimension/AU travel! I can't wait to see where this dystopianfuture!Alfred is going to end up, not to mention how the other countries are going to react. Is he still wearing the scarf when he goes through the portal? *Imagines America seeing his future self looking like Russia* *...Imagines RUSSIA seeing Future!Alfred looking like him...*

...*Laughs* Misunderstandings... But really, this is going to be interesting no matter where you decide to take it.

Your writing style is great, (I couldn't find any typos or misspellings so you're good there as well.) All in all, the fanfic has an awesome start!

I'll be back when you update the next chapter, no doubt.

Happy Writing!

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