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for Two New Heroes

9/20/2014 c3 yami.onna
OOI why this die! I love this story T.T I'll add it to my follow anyways.
6/17/2013 c3 1Poland-chans storyland
I think that this story has some real potential. I hope you continue it!
9/11/2011 c3 4FlyingHigh13
Hm.

Not sure how to feel about this.

For one thing, Jenni and Debora are definitely Mary-Sues in training. And, your story is incredibly bland for a Tiger&Bunny fanfiction. Nothing very interesting seems to have happened yet, or at least your style of writing doesn't portray it that way. Try to use more sensory details, such as taste, smell, touch, etc., and more detailed descriptions of things, with some exciting adjectives or verbs?

Also, the golden rule of writing- Use the 'enter/return' key. It is your very best friend on the keyboard, and every time a new character speaks, hit it before you write their dialogue. It makes the story look less blocky, and much more neat and easy to read. The format now almost hurts my eyes to look at.

Also, your grammar needs revision. Spellcheck usually takes care of that, to the extent of my knowledge. Those wavy green lines are there to help.

And now we come to Debora and Jenni. They're boring, to say the least. There's basically no character development for them, and in a story that's already three chapters long, with chapters this size, that's strange. Give them a little background, a little depth, a little relatability.Right now, I kinda just want to grab them by the shoulders and scream, 'DO SOMETHING HUMAN'.

Also, the comment that Bunny made about Kotetsu's wedding ring seemed kind of offensive to me. He wears that ring because he's still deeply in love with his wife, and you making him so easily dismiss it for some chick he just met, is an insult to his character. As a big fan of his, that hurt.

That's all, I think. Sorry for the lengthiness of this review, I just had a lot to say. Thank you for your time.
8/25/2011 c1 Malatruse
It's commendable that you want to write, but you may want to invest in a beta reader.
8/15/2011 c2 490Yemi Hikari
P.S. I read your reviews and the one person is right, Jenni and Debora are Mary Sues. The only reason they exist in the story is to be paired up with two of the main characters. The story goes nowhere.
8/15/2011 c1 Yemi Hikari
You need to honestly work on your writing. You've got big bulky paragraphs and your characters are two dimentional. Sure, you tell us all this cool stuff about them, but this doesn't change the fact that they have no personality what so ever. Everything is wordy, and you do way too much telling, rather then showing.

Also, this sentence bothers me greatly. "Two young adult girls had just finished getting the rest of their bags from baggage claim at the airport in Sternbild." If they are adults, they would be called women, NOT girls.
7/26/2011 c1 Soldaran
http:/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue
7/26/2011 c3 AnimeFangirl1989
getting very exciting
7/26/2011 c2 AnimeFangirl1989
Very exciting my friend

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