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8/16/2011 c1 ABVR
Wow . . . just *wow*!

You absolutely *nailed* Maddie's voice all the way through, and got Michael's nearly as well. The interaction between them feels absolutely in character, and the dialogue just *crackles* with things that they're both thinking and not saying.

I think this conversation may be the best dialogue I've ever seen you write, and it's made a lot stronger by the fact that you let us inside the character's heads *very* sparingly. Mostly you just tell us what they're saying and a little about their expression or their body language . . . and that keeps the focus on their words. I don't know if you did it deliberately, but it's what gives the scene its emotional tension and the dialogue its crackle.

Your use of the Michael voice-over at the end is inspired: Especially because he can't express how he's feeling about the people he loves without *somehow* relating it to tradecraft. Again, I don't know if it was deliberate, but it feels absolutely right for the character: Our boy is great with people, but terrible with intimacy.

One *very* minor quibble: The sentiments in the voice-over work fine, but the sentence structure doesn't quite sound like Michael. My ear says that he tends to use short, declarative sentences or (at most) something like . . . This is a statement: This is an amplification of it. The long, rolling, fluid sentences you use here "sound" to me a bit more like Mary Shannon from In Plain Sight than like Michael.

That's a small point, though, and I may not even be right about it. Regardless, this is a *superb* story. Bravo!
7/17/2011 c1 VB923
Great job! With the exception of just a couple of small things, I could totally envision Michael and Maddie having this conversation.
7/16/2011 c1 11i luv ewansmile
Nice story. Well done. Madeline needed to talk a little sense into Michael.
7/16/2011 c1 coolaquariun
Thumbs up for this piece of fiction except for one thing: Michael has always known that fi never wanted him to go back to his old job.

Coming to good parts: i love Michael and madeline conversations specially when maddie is stern and Michael is too stubborn to understand. You captured its essence very well. Maddie counting Barry among Michael's friends and Michael's reply had me laughing .

Madeline admitting that Michael's life in Miami way back as a teenager was not quite a bed of roses and that she too had a part in it, was consistent with her character growth in the show.

Loved that fiona's name got Michael attention in the first place and he was not able to counter when madeline said that he has fiona to come back to this time.

Enough of ramblings and sorry if my review put you to sleep
7/15/2011 c1 BurnedmichaelY
loooove it :) wish there was another chapt.
7/15/2011 c1 85Amanda Hawthorn
This is such a great story. It screams for a 2nd part with Fiona, no pressure though ;)

One of my favourite reads of the day. Well done
7/15/2011 c1 iloveburnnotice
omg i absolutely loved this great job!

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