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4/26 c1 18carlotta1924
It's fics like this that get me more and more interested in a TV show if I haven't watched them yet. Nicely done!
7/18/2011 c1 ABVR
Congratulations on your 100th story!

This one started kind of slowly for me - I found myself wishing for details from her "Emily from Tulsa" life that would illustrate her frustration and her sense of being trapped (turning her cell phone off when she got home, say, because there was absolutely no chance of an emergency call from work at 11 PM, needing her to resolve some problem). Showing the reader what the character is feeling is, frequently, more effective than just telling them . . . because the details add texture and dimension.

*But* . . . the sense of Alex's growing frustration and despair as she takes stock of her new life is really nicely handled: It keeps building and building and building throughout the entire story until Tulsa feels like the waiting room for Purgatory. And that last line . . . oh, my, that last line. Wham! :-)

The single-line "Wham!" ending usually works by twisting the plot in some entirely unexpected, "Oh, *crap*!" direction . . . Ambrose Bierce's "Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," for example, or Kurt Vonnegut's "Report on the Barnhouse Effect," or Arthur C. Clarke's SF story "The Star," or about a dozen different Stephen King short stories I can think of. I'm not sure I've ever read a story where the "Wham!" line is a piece of characterization. Now I have.

2+ years . . . 100 stories. Best. Last. Line. Ever.

Keep experimenting!

PS: Nice companion piece to "Never Again," one of my early favorites of your stories. :-)

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