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for My Heart's Path

3/18/2012 c1 16Kaze and Kiba
Hello, PT.

I read the beginning of your story and I'm having a hard time figuring out who the pov is from. You should give more hints, earlier. like pink hair or onyx eyes or better yet, write it in third person. It helps you be more descriptive and it's easier to read and get into the story.

It would also help if you spaced things out more. Change paragraphs when ideas change and definately when different people speak, they should get their own lines-it adds punch. And run everything through spell check and/or get a beta to help with checking and prereading, they help make the story run smoother.

I would give just a little more of the story in the intro to pull in the reader and make them want more. Don't rush it, include descriptions and feelings, use your own personal experiences and it will seem more real.

And when you do flashbacks you don't have to write 'flashback', just make the whole flashback in italics.

I hope I helped and didn't discourage you, good luck with your story. Gambatte, ne!

11/7/2011 c1 sophomore girl
i like your 1st chapter..i think you should make it longer keep it up! i`ll wait the next chapter/s!

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