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for The Change of Serenity

6/8/2012 c6 8psychicshipping
It would seem just about every user on this site is petitioning to stop the deletion of fics. One such petition has, at my last count at 12:35 PM of June 8th, 22,548 signatures. Power to the writers!
6/6/2012 c6 2ringlhach
Considering that the "no lemons" thing has been a part of the site's Terms of Service for easily six years, I find it slightly amusing that you're getting offended that they're enforcing them. Finally. What's more, there are very few stories where the lemon is an integral part of the plot, and any information passed through those scenes can almost always be passed in some other manner.

That's not to say that all lemons are bad; it's just that the vast majority of the time, they're pointless porn.

The situation is the same when it comes to violence, although I'm going to have to see what they call "excessive." Some stories are just that dark- but that's what the rating system is for, and details about the taste and texture of someone's innards aren't really necessary.
12/8/2011 c1 Ranmaleopard
This is awesome I can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue!
12/6/2011 c3 Ranmaleopard
interesting please continue!
9/28/2011 c5 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
9/20/2011 c1 Final-Fan
This is going to be a negative review. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't write, but alternatively may choose to not read this.

The prose is terrible. I know "show, don't tell" is cliche advice, but really, the dialogue is such an overwhelming majority of the text I wonder if you just translated this out of a script format or something. If you actually followed the "separate paragraphs for separate speakers" rule I think you'd see my point.

Even more aggravating is the content of that dialogue. I don't know if you're attempting to make them sound "smart" or what, but your characters have a serious problem with ridiculously flowery speech or "big-word-itis".

An example: "You austerely misinterpreted what I had merely uttered; I did not bequeath unto thee a title of royalty, a title of which you were proudly born into."

That is just STUPID to read. It doesn't even make that much sense, if I recall the meaning of "austere". And the whole thing about banning all mention of royalty, even as a pet name "princess", that sends kids into hysterics and is punishable by Barney marathon, is too silly for my taste, but at least THAT objection is subjective instead of being just totally wrong.
9/9/2011 c5 1Raynze76
a interesting story so far i look forward to future chapters
8/23/2011 c4 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
8/23/2011 c4 3USAVet
Not bad but there is a consistent error that you are making. When someone new is speaking you need to start a new paragraph. Any good teacher or professor would kick this back for editing or with a bad grade. Please fix as it will make things easier to follow.
8/23/2011 c4 1Vld
So, Skuld is at fault for Akane's unconscious choice of weaponry, huh? One question, though... how old are the other sEnshis right now? I mean, either Ami will have to fake her identity again and again, to make it where people will think she's 13 when Usagi and the others awaken, or they're already as old as she is ad just need to recover their statuses and/or memories.

Second... does Ami know about what caused Beryl to seek Metalia's power?

And the blonde ditz that's gonna wake Washu... i'm guessing Mihoshi, but i don't remember her disturbing Washu's slumber in what i saw in the anime so... is it another, meatball headed blonde ditz who did?

and man, talk about age difference... Ranma is Akane's age... guess Ami is robbing the cradle, huh?
8/21/2011 c3 Vld
Nice! This adds a lot of questions, though. Like... will Usagi meet Mizuno Ami? Or will there actually be a Sailor Mercury before the "real one" wakes up from her slumber?

Will sEtsuna try to pursue Mamoru once he wakes up? I already mentioned Usagi in a former review, so nothing there.

What about the Shitennou? Serenitu as good as desintegrated them so... will they be reborn in the Dark Kingdom? Or does another fate wait them?

Will Chibi-Usa make an appearance, or will she exist at all in any timeline?

And what is Ranma's role in all of this? Since so far, aside from him being Ami's husband and father of her daughter... we know nothing of him?

And Hotaru is actually the heir to the Silver Millenium's Saturn? That's pretty cool!
8/19/2011 c3 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
8/18/2011 c2 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
8/16/2011 c2 3USAVet
Well it seems that there are a couple of structural errors, the most flagrant is the rule when a new person is speaking you need to start a new paragraph. Also you are using vary when you should be using very. Also don't use the knock knock bit, instead write about the knocking on the door. It adds a bit more depth and detail to the story.
8/16/2011 c2 1Vld
Man, if Usagi ever learned about that fact from her former life, Mamoru and Setsuna would have been doomed...

does it relate to WHY Ami is the new Serenity? And what about the other Senshis? (Yes, even Setsuna. On another hand, i don't give a flying f... what the hell happened to the Penguin)
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