
2/23/2012 c1 Your friend From WT
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY :3 DFNS xoxo ;)
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY :3 DFNS xoxo ;)
9/22/2011 c1 Clever xXx Pseudonym
So... i guess i'll do this cronologically...
1) Harry, Hermione and Ron NEVER WENT THROUGH 7TH YEAR! Hermione went back to take her N.E.W.T.s after the war but beforehand none of them even went to Hogwarts during the 1997-1998 term.
2) This is a bracket ] ... () those are called parentheses.
3) Led up to the plot a little, detailed imagery really sets up the story and makes it more realistic to the reader. Don't start off with the conflict in the first paragraph.
4)Ginny wouldn't fancy Dean because at this point in the time line of JK Rowling she is in love with Harry.
5) Hogwarts students aren't allowed to leave the grounds.
6) Hermione probably WOULDN'T randomly kiss a person back that she believe to be another girl. "he jumped forward and kissed Hermione strongly on the lips for one second she kissed him back"... I mean seriously...
I understand that some of these issues may have been intentional (being able to leave the grounds for instance) but there is no excuse so sloppy grammar and incorrect facts. I hope that you don't hate me for this because I do tend to be a bit harsh but I hope that you can learn from my review and make any future stories better :)
~Kate
So... i guess i'll do this cronologically...
1) Harry, Hermione and Ron NEVER WENT THROUGH 7TH YEAR! Hermione went back to take her N.E.W.T.s after the war but beforehand none of them even went to Hogwarts during the 1997-1998 term.
2) This is a bracket ] ... () those are called parentheses.
3) Led up to the plot a little, detailed imagery really sets up the story and makes it more realistic to the reader. Don't start off with the conflict in the first paragraph.
4)Ginny wouldn't fancy Dean because at this point in the time line of JK Rowling she is in love with Harry.
5) Hogwarts students aren't allowed to leave the grounds.
6) Hermione probably WOULDN'T randomly kiss a person back that she believe to be another girl. "he jumped forward and kissed Hermione strongly on the lips for one second she kissed him back"... I mean seriously...
I understand that some of these issues may have been intentional (being able to leave the grounds for instance) but there is no excuse so sloppy grammar and incorrect facts. I hope that you don't hate me for this because I do tend to be a bit harsh but I hope that you can learn from my review and make any future stories better :)
~Kate