for Forbidden6/6/2013 c4 
11ResidentEvilChris
Ugh i'm so confused. I don't even know if this is AizenxHinamori anymore. Though i'm ok with that, I love Hinamori with anyone.
11ResidentEvilChrisUgh i'm so confused. I don't even know if this is AizenxHinamori anymore. Though i'm ok with that, I love Hinamori with anyone.
8/29/2012 c4 20Happyfish
Poor momo, she is stuck and she is worried about her friends. I hope that Momo can get out of their some how.
20HappyfishPoor momo, she is stuck and she is worried about her friends. I hope that Momo can get out of their some how.
10/10/2011 c4 1Silver Artifex
You didn't forget this story did you? I hope you didn't. This is really good. I want you to continue because I want to know what happens next.
1Silver ArtifexYou didn't forget this story did you? I hope you didn't. This is really good. I want you to continue because I want to know what happens next.
8/23/2011 c4 85popcorn99
Hi! Liked the story, and the idea of toshiro and kira working together is awesome! but don't you think you should add some more people, like ichigo's friends since they've been to las noches before?
85popcorn99Hi! Liked the story, and the idea of toshiro and kira working together is awesome! but don't you think you should add some more people, like ichigo's friends since they've been to las noches before?
8/15/2011 c3 12RukagiXShinme
mhm~
I like the description of Momo's confusion in this chapter
She was really struggling...until Aizen seduced her XD
I think that Toshiro and Izuru's scene was a bit rushed though D:
could have had more description...cuz it felt like a fast-winding tape...suddenly Toshiro was angry and the next he was rearing to go
Good job in all though, and it's ok, you update way faster than I do XD
12RukagiXShinmemhm~
I like the description of Momo's confusion in this chapter
She was really struggling...until Aizen seduced her XD
I think that Toshiro and Izuru's scene was a bit rushed though D:
could have had more description...cuz it felt like a fast-winding tape...suddenly Toshiro was angry and the next he was rearing to go
Good job in all though, and it's ok, you update way faster than I do XD
8/12/2011 c2 20OedonWrithe
Seriously, your plot is great. The only problem you're having seems to be with OOCness and grammar. Little grammar. Like Homonyms. There, their, and they're, and Its and it's.
Momo would be a little ticked, but remember, even after Aizen left for Hueco Mundo, and NEARLY KILLED HER, she still was under the delusion that her precious "Aizen-taichou" was just being manipulated by Gin. Trust me. Hinamori loves and idolizes Aizen, to the point where it's frustrating to those around her. She'd be the kind of person to start cutting herself after he left.
This is a decent story, don't get me wrong. Fix the characters and use proper grammar and it'll be even better. :D
20OedonWritheSeriously, your plot is great. The only problem you're having seems to be with OOCness and grammar. Little grammar. Like Homonyms. There, their, and they're, and Its and it's.
Momo would be a little ticked, but remember, even after Aizen left for Hueco Mundo, and NEARLY KILLED HER, she still was under the delusion that her precious "Aizen-taichou" was just being manipulated by Gin. Trust me. Hinamori loves and idolizes Aizen, to the point where it's frustrating to those around her. She'd be the kind of person to start cutting herself after he left.
This is a decent story, don't get me wrong. Fix the characters and use proper grammar and it'll be even better. :D
8/12/2011 c1 OedonWrithe
Okay, my favorite part was the birthday. Ichimaru would so throw a kiddy birthday for Aizen JUST to annoy the crap out of him.
The way you've written the speech is incorrect. Each time a new person speaks, you need to start a new paragraph.
Ex. of incorrect way:
"Oh, hi there!" the girl said. "How's it going?" the other person replied.
Ex. of correct way:
"Oh, hi there!" the girl said.
"How's it going?" the other person said.
You've got your Arrancar in character. You're just lacking a bit on Aizen (don't worry. It takes a LOT of practice).
Here, let me give you an example. Here's what you have:
"This such a waste of time looking for a replacement espada. Ugh why did Grimmjow have to be such a retard." He sighed. "If only I could see her...one more time. What the hell am I talking about? I'm going to rule the world pretty soon, I can see who ever I want whenever I want! But that's such a waste of time. Besides love only makes you weak!"
A more in character version of this thought process would be:
"Replacing an Espada takes too much time, and puts quite the wrench in my plans. If only Grimmjow hadn't been so impudent..." He sighed. "Perhaps, if I had /her/ within my grasp once more, things wouldn't be so dull... Hm? Where did that thought come from? Once my goals are reached, I could see anyone I wished. Although, the entire concept seems but a waste. Love is merely an illusion, anyways."
And even that was a bit OOC. Aizen thinks of people as his playthings, people that he molded to his will. He also is very difficult to anger, but when he his angered, he doesn't shout. He glares. And speaks sternly. To help you out, wikipedia "Mastermind (Role Variant)" which is Aizen's personality type. It'll help you write him in character (trust me, knowning that stuff is REALLY useful). If you'd like more specific resources, check out anything by Sariniste, because she writes Aizen very well.
Another thing... Momo doesn't drink... and if she did, it would be very difficult for her to do and it would be in the privacy of her own home.
Okay, my favorite part was the birthday. Ichimaru would so throw a kiddy birthday for Aizen JUST to annoy the crap out of him.
The way you've written the speech is incorrect. Each time a new person speaks, you need to start a new paragraph.
Ex. of incorrect way:
"Oh, hi there!" the girl said. "How's it going?" the other person replied.
Ex. of correct way:
"Oh, hi there!" the girl said.
"How's it going?" the other person said.
You've got your Arrancar in character. You're just lacking a bit on Aizen (don't worry. It takes a LOT of practice).
Here, let me give you an example. Here's what you have:
"This such a waste of time looking for a replacement espada. Ugh why did Grimmjow have to be such a retard." He sighed. "If only I could see her...one more time. What the hell am I talking about? I'm going to rule the world pretty soon, I can see who ever I want whenever I want! But that's such a waste of time. Besides love only makes you weak!"
A more in character version of this thought process would be:
"Replacing an Espada takes too much time, and puts quite the wrench in my plans. If only Grimmjow hadn't been so impudent..." He sighed. "Perhaps, if I had /her/ within my grasp once more, things wouldn't be so dull... Hm? Where did that thought come from? Once my goals are reached, I could see anyone I wished. Although, the entire concept seems but a waste. Love is merely an illusion, anyways."
And even that was a bit OOC. Aizen thinks of people as his playthings, people that he molded to his will. He also is very difficult to anger, but when he his angered, he doesn't shout. He glares. And speaks sternly. To help you out, wikipedia "Mastermind (Role Variant)" which is Aizen's personality type. It'll help you write him in character (trust me, knowning that stuff is REALLY useful). If you'd like more specific resources, check out anything by Sariniste, because she writes Aizen very well.
Another thing... Momo doesn't drink... and if she did, it would be very difficult for her to do and it would be in the privacy of her own home.
8/12/2011 c2 12RukagiXShinme
OH YAY!
You update SO fast LOL
I'm mentioned :D WOOT~!
I'm a her btw...and what are you? ROFL
Yay Toshiro 3
But why is he so evil in this D:?
I love him the best~Haha
Can't wait to see Izuru get his ass kicked :D
Wonder what's gonna happen with Momo too?
But I gotta say, ur first line in this chapter total made me LOL (literally, in real life, in my chair, at 1:45am over here XD)
Great job once again :)
12RukagiXShinmeOH YAY!
You update SO fast LOL
I'm mentioned :D WOOT~!
I'm a her btw...and what are you? ROFL
Yay Toshiro 3
But why is he so evil in this D:?
I love him the best~Haha
Can't wait to see Izuru get his ass kicked :D
Wonder what's gonna happen with Momo too?
But I gotta say, ur first line in this chapter total made me LOL (literally, in real life, in my chair, at 1:45am over here XD)
Great job once again :)
8/11/2011 c1 RukagiXShinme
First of all, I NEVER WANTED AN AIZENXMOMO STORY, BUT YOU HAVE TOTALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF :D
NOW, ya I kinda want more of it XD
Thought it would be boring, but you have proved me wrong...
Didn't even think about correcting you till you mentioned it...but it's "wrapping", not "rapping" ...ya XD
Really like the story so far and hope you continue it soon :)
Thought you'd make Toshiro carry her back, but Izuru caught me off guard too! Good jb :D
First of all, I NEVER WANTED AN AIZENXMOMO STORY, BUT YOU HAVE TOTALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF :D
NOW, ya I kinda want more of it XD
Thought it would be boring, but you have proved me wrong...
Didn't even think about correcting you till you mentioned it...but it's "wrapping", not "rapping" ...ya XD
Really like the story so far and hope you continue it soon :)
Thought you'd make Toshiro carry her back, but Izuru caught me off guard too! Good jb :D