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for Silver Soldier Ranma

8/20/2011 c4 Bluntag
interesting story plot keep up the good work, can see the beginning of possible future crossover with other sci/fi series try to extend the story a bit longer for each chapter.
8/18/2011 c4 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Looks like Ranma's past is catching up to him.
8/18/2011 c3 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Looking forward when Masaki meet NWC. Nice little warm up battle for Ranma.
8/18/2011 c2 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) That is Genma alright.
8/18/2011 c1 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT START! (*x4) Looks like it going to be a GREAT story.
8/18/2011 c4 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
8/18/2011 c1 1DariusXXI
Bad punctuation, sentences and paragraphs are too long. Can't read. Please revise your story.

The plot could be good, but looks like reading past the first chapter could be painful.
8/17/2011 c4 5Nysk
Overall I think this story has possibility.

One thing though, structure. It is very hard to read the story due to your not separating the bits of conversation from each other. Example: Washu turns to Ryoko, "Great, now I have to start my tests all over" Ryoko replies" Not with my tenchi!" "Whats that Ryoko? Telling your mother no..." Ryoko glares"

Very much a run on there. Try separating it example:

Washu turns to Ryoko, "Great, now I have to start my tests all over"

Ryoko replies" Not with my tenchi!"

"Whats that Ryoko? Telling your mother no..."

Ryoko glares.

- -


May your muse never fail you!
8/16/2011 c3 3Laice
i love it so far^^
8/16/2011 c3 12Uena
Well, hello. I'm a learning writer such as yourself, so let me point this out for you.

Use the comma.

I tried reading your story, but honestly, it's just a wall of text. I finish a line and I accidentally skip a line or return to the one I just read because your story is not spaced out properly. Also almost all your sentences are running, which is bad, because you want it to flow for the readers to understand the story.

I wanted to point out the good points of the story, but it's hard and limiting when I'm faced with a humongous wall of text. I read chapter one (Okay, I see what you tried to do there.) I read chapter two (I see the story, it's good and unique, but please proof read ("A red bean of light" XD.) but when I saw chapter three I was like, "O-M-G!... How do I start reading this?"

Honestly, I don't know Tenchi Muyo, and since there are bound to be other people who don't know about that, it would be best to properly introduce the characters. I mean, I bet there are also Tenchi Muyo fans out there who doesn't know about Ranma, so we know the name, but we don't know face.

A simple description is enough, like Ranma having a black pig-tailed hair and blue-gray eyes or whatever you want, or -Washu, was it?- having a lab coat or whatever.

Now, I'm not the best example for this (Why the heck did I post that story anyway?) so I'm sorry if I can't provide any good examples.

Oh, yeah! Use the past tense. Don't be afraid of it. Your writing style looks like it avoids this like the plague.

Don't take my comment word per word, cause I'm not the best writer, (I'm one heck of a lazy one) and I'm just sharing tips that my mentors shoved down my throat.

Well, the rant of your first critic is over (Whoo~... yeah... Horrah...) I'm just doing this cause nobody bothered to point out your mistakes. *bows and exits*
8/16/2011 c3 04farrellr
good story
8/16/2011 c3 6beast man1500
What was Ranma's role during the silver millenium? I guess you'll reveal it in time.
8/15/2011 c2 5angel61991
interesting please update soon.
8/15/2011 c1 1starravenwolf
This is going to be a great story. Hope too see more soon.
8/15/2011 c2 starravenwolf
i like this story so far man. hope ttoo see more soon.
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