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11/11/2019 c15 7Recursive Sweatpants
Wow, I can't believe that after nine years this story is being picked right back up, right where it left off. Honestly, I am dying to know what prompted it! I have seen all sorts of stories, comics, and other forms of serialized content on the internet just stop updating one day and never return again, so it was surreal to have gotten an email saying an old Ed, Edd, n' Eddy fanfic that I had last read when I was in high school just added a new chapter, nearly a decade later. Whatever the reason you decided to start working on it again, know that it made my day to read through this story all over again and for a moment go back to those days where reading and writing Ed, Edd, n' Eddy fanfiction was my treasured hobby.

What didn't make my day though was reading through my old reviews good GOD I can't believe I was so pretentious back then! I apologize for presenting opinions in such a matter-of-fact way, and for being condescending with some of my grammar advice and suggestions. I don't do much storywriting or critiquing anymore these days but I've learned how to be less obnoxious about it at least.

Onto my thoughts about the chapter itself, I reread the whole story before getting to it and it doesn't skip a beat. While the boys were off testing their powers in the gym, this shows what the girls (and Jimmy) were doing, answering the question I asked years ago! I liked seeing the Kankers interact with Nazz a little, as well as more unknowing demonstrations of her power. Seeing the results of the previous chapter's offhand mention of Eddy pantsing Jimmy is even more hilarious knowing the time gap between chapters. The dedication to building upon such a small joke after so long is inspiring and it definitely paid off.

I see you've followed up on the idea you brought up last chapter and referenced The Incredibles with Jimmy's magazine. While mentioning Edna could work as a fun nod or easter egg, I'm worried that having Sarah and Jimmy explicitly state that she designs costumes for superheroes has some strong implications for the world the story takes place in. I feel that putting it in a universe where superheros are real would delegitimize some aspects of the story, like Edd's characterization. He spent much of the early chapters denying the idea of "superpowers" until the evidence proved to him otherwise, but if he lives in a world where superheros exist outside of fiction then he would have definitely thought to draw on that as a source of logic explaining everyone's powers. I feel it also makes the whole mystery of why the kids have powers and who is watching them a little less weighty, since they would just be a new group of supers in a world that already has a bunch of them. But that's just my take on it, if you can work it into the overall story that keeps up the tension in a satisfying way then go for it.

If you're going to keep updating the story then I will be looking forward to it! It was fun to read through this again. If not, then hopefully you'll decide to post the next chapter in another nine years from now, and I'll read through it all once more!
11/5/2019 c15 6SparkyTSZ11
I can't believe the story has finally been updated after all these years! Hopefully, you are able to continue because every chapter is a treasure to read.
11/22/2016 c14 Guest
Hey! I reviewed on Nov. 19, I was just wondering if you could say that their like 12-15 years old( the cul-de-sac kids and kanker sisters) you know cause this is an Au after the BIG PICTURE SHOW right? Any way, the reason I gave you the disguise chose is because like DD needs to open up a bit if he wants to avoid being recognized by the other people that don't even know that they have "powers" , cause like his shy personality is a dead giveaway...
How about him having a whip on his belt as a weapon used for only simply capturing petty criminals but he modified it to extreme that u get to choose to surprise the readers , plus can't he like make that sorta stuff with simple stuff and the cloak he can make out of light weight blankets of different colors he can also by the clothing he'll wear as a disguise.
Oh and make him go a bit R!Edd on them when he's in his disguise and everyone else's personalities change slightly to avoid recognition.
And have him have long hair that ads to his feminine frame.
11/19/2016 c14 Guest
I don't know why but I can imagine Double D waering a black and white cloak, you know his hats color theme but the white being on the edges of the cloak while underneath he wears the girlish black shorts with a white shirt that shows his curves ( I see him as an androgynies type of kid that if he masks his face and heightens his pitch he might sound more like a girl then a boy, because seriously I now a girl who mistaken Edd as a girl!), he should also where gray thigh highs and a simple pair of black and white light sneakers... To much black and white right maybe you should also give him a simple gray mouth mask as well .

To much?
1/15/2016 c14 Guest
You should look up final Fantasy 6 because of the bike in there which Kevin should ride.
1/15/2016 c14 Guest
Kevin should have a Leather jacket is green detail on it.
3/11/2012 c14 SparkyTSZ11
This story is very good and interesting. I especially like how you gave Ed Reality bending powers.

In fact, I like what you did with all their powers. I see you mentioned Jonny's Acorn-tree ability, but made no mention to Eddy's Ray of Riches.

anyways, continue.
11/24/2011 c14 Luke
I love this fanfic.

I do not think you should do a crossover with any other series. I think that, charaters or objects from other, unrelated tv series would completely shatter the captivating atmosphere you wonderfully created.

I have no wish to insult your idea, but I think your fanfiction will be better off without crossovers.

I will respect your choice, and keep reading your fanfiction anyway.
11/14/2011 c14 God emperor Leluch
do a crossover of the incredibels, marval, and dc heroes, oh and men in black
11/13/2011 c14 1supaherolena02
I think that Jimmy's outfit can, most likely have to, incorporate his hockey gear, it would look good, be practical and the helmet could do a great mask;

And for Sarah, what if we think of it like a ballet outfit with a hoodie inspired in Raven's, not hers?;

I'm happy that I was of help with Nazz power and outfit, somehow...I get you don't need help with her outfit?;

For Jonny, I too think that would be VERY good looking. Of course you can use it! I don't even write anyway... I think that if Plank was attached to his back it would be like "eyes in the back of his head" you know? He would know if someone was coming, but in the forearm can let him with more... freedom of moves, so maybe it's better. A good mask, I think, would be of a simply cloth-like-thief and military make-up;

I think that a gray hoodie for the time being is good for Kevin - I didn't have thinked about the cost at all! - and the cargo pants with lots of pockets are a better idea, it's great to put whatever Edd may create, and I think that would be good if his "mask" was of his football helmet with a glass - like a motorcycle helmet - , Double D could put a communicator in it, making it easer to talk with Kevin, even a voice modifier;

I liked the long shirt over leggings thing, it's very likely for May;

Three quarter pants and water shoes go great with me, and to hide Marie's hair... what about a dark blue swim cap with something like a swin mask?;

The many pockets ARE to store dirt, what if they and up in a all ice or all metal place?;

I think Rolf's outfit was very well thought, nobody would recognize him;

Edd gas mask can have a cap-like-military-helmet in it (just look on google "gas mask" you will see it) and the lab coat maybe can stay half open with a t-shirt(since he's using a gas mask it can be of a toxic green or... don't know you can choose the color) with the draw of a shield;

Eddy's outfit can be of a t-shirt with fire patterns, simple black pants and something like Zoom's helmet (of the movie "Zoom") - it's basically a motorcycle helmet - I think he would like attetion;

Ed's outfit is simply difficult! But what about a teal blue jacket (I don't think he can live without a jacket), Cosmic Beige t-shirt, dark turquoise pants and Cosmic Turquoise sneakers? I'm trying to use the colors you said you like to use, but you can choose wahtever you want;

My offer is still up, but I have two questions: You want it to be in the serie style or it can be of my own? And they are same age as the serie?

I don't know how to PM sorry ^_^U
11/13/2011 c14 Spindash77
The chapter before this I found okay really I didn't feel like much happened but this chapter seemed a bit more fun with how the characters were testing out their powers and for the record I wouldn't suggest adding the DCAU or The Incredibles into this universe since

1.It could easily make the story more conviluted

2.It wouldn't make much sense since the characters from their respective universes are pretty well known by the citizens of the respective universe wich means them have super powers shouldn't have seemed too unbelivable
11/13/2011 c14 7Recursive Sweatpants
I'm glad I found your story on this site. Not only is it a well-written and extremely interesting read, but it shows me what my own writing lacks and how I can make it better. This is very evident when one compares this story to one I'm currently (procrastinating on) writing; my story being a crossover with Earthbound, it is a big adventure-type one. Many different things happen to the characters at many different points, often times without warning, and the plot largely focuses on their reactions to the events going on around them as they try to survive and make sense of what's going on.

Your story, however, has one large event happen (that being the kids' powers activating) and the bulk of the plot so far is their prolonged reaction to it. I've always loved movies and stories where the character discovers their superpower and experiments with it (often to hilarious ends), but more often then not those parts were disappointingly short as they soon master them in a ridiculously short time, often save for one move or technique that they only figure out when it is needed to finish the main antagonist off. Yours, however, is all about the experimentation, and the characters' thoughts and feelings behind their new abilities and the events and implications surrounding them, and it is starting to get very interesting now that everyone has a grasp of what they can do.

There's not much for me to say on the critique side of this review that I haven't already, and even many of the issues I've pointed out before have begun to fade in these recent chapters. Some parts are still pretty vague about what happens in them exactly, but I've learned to quickly asses what is going on in scenes like them after reading Heart of Darkness in my English class this year (if you can follow what the heck is going on in that book, you can follow a lot of things).

I have one question, though - and please tell me if this is something that was addressed that I might have simply missed or not - but are the kids actually going to class at the school? It seems like they're spending the whole time in the gymnasium - and that's the boys, anyway. I have no idea what happened to Sarah, Nazz or the Kankers really. If there's a part that explains it, I might have missed it (I never said I FINISHED Heart of Darkness...).

Other than that, I haven't much else to say. I'm glad that you're still updating, regardless of how late - if I were to blame you for putting it off, I would probably become the world's biggest hypocrite - and I hope that I can study your writing and use it to help my own skills whenever I get around to working on my story (maybe next week).
10/8/2011 c12 1supaherolena02
well first ofabout your question... I get a little lost in this chapter.

the outfites of the Eds can be like the outfites of NintendoNut-01 (go see the part that say "super Eds" in her gallery on DeviantArt); Jimmy can use something with metal (so he can control it in emergency) and it can be light blue (to be faithful to the character) and he can just use his white pants but with white metal (or gray) in the knees (to be safe) and gray shoes with metal on the bottom; Sarah can use something like the outfit of Raven of Teen Titans, but with a skirt, without the cloak, but with a hood and every thing pink; Nazz can have the outfit of NintendoNut-01 too (remember to ask her if you can use her ideas); Jonny's can be with vines, pants with camouflage pattern in green colors, green T-shirt and a brown jacket, with his slippers; Kevin's can be like the one of "The Terminator", but the jacket will a dark green and he still will use his cap; May can use some white top with a shirt like veil with long sleeves (I don't know how it's called), a mini-skirt (white or gray or light blue) and she can hold her hair with a white ribbon and use white sneakers; Marie can use a dark blue top with jeans shorts and combat boots that reach the knees (black or indigo) and she can carry a canteen with water (to be used in emergency); Lee's can be something heavy, but short, like an army that just cover her chest and shoulders (obviously brown) and pants with camouflage pattern in brown colors with many pockets and beige sneakers; Rolf can have something more viking-like, but with his colors, or maybe like the outfit of Beast Boy of Teen Titans bet blue, or maybe you have an better idea... I don't really have much of inspiration for Rolf's outfit...

Well, but it's just some ideas... If you like, I can draw they and post they in my DA (DeviantArt) account so you (and the reader) can see they...
9/18/2011 c10 7Recursive Sweatpants
Letting me know that my review hasn't completely gone to waste is such a rarity on this site for me that you have won a great deal of my respect from the act alone. And while my stance on disclaimers remains unchanged, I guess that the occasional author's note in a story does let one get into the writer's head, and putting them on the bottom doesn't detract from the story as you can choose not to read them. But when people start using their story as a blog and their notes become almost as long-if not longer, god forbid-than the chapters themselves is when it crosses the line (sadly, I've seen that a few times before).

Anyway, since you're not going to change your earlier chapters, I won't nitpick at every little thing that comes my way unless I see it's a recurring issue. I did read all of the chapters after I wrote that first review, by the way, and at the time of writing this I'm skimming through them again. I'll write down my thoughts as they occur.

I like how each kid doesn't get their powers right away, and those that do have very little control over them. You're really easing into the story, and your character interactions and their reactions to the events around them make up for the relatively slow plot development. The idea that all the kids are self-sufficient and very used to seeing firemen and policemen is oddly unique, despite being something a fan could easily expect given their destructive nature.

The way you have Edd analyze everyone's DNA (and the surprising amount of detail you put into describing how they're all mutated) is another strange and unique quirk to your writing; while it does make it sort of Edd-centered since he knows more about what's going on than everyone else, it makes it sort of Edd-centered BECAUSE he knows more about what's going on than everyone else. Most Edd-fics have him get the coolest superpowers or have him fall into a relationship with the girl with the coolest superpowers (that he inevitably surpasses by the end of it), but while yours focuses on him, it's simply because he's driving the plot forward with exposition rather than action. It's interesting and relatively fresh, but be careful not to make him the soul star of the show while everyone else is simply performing in the background or blindly following his just and absolute lead.

I'll admit it: the "your boyfriend labeled the toilet joke" was unexpected, fitting and absolutely hilarious. I congratulate you for being able to fit that kind of humor into your story, and I hope to see more of it later on (provided the story doesn't get too dark, of course, but even then a little silliness here and there is good to have).

...Wait, can Edd put up shields? Is that what Eddy smacked into when he broke his nose? Aside from a vague and offhanded mention of the word (and nothing said of it later on as if it was some kind of everyday thing), you gave no indication that he ran into a force field conjured by Edd. In a similar fashion, a few chapters back, you had Ed create and subsequently close a portal(?) through the ceiling that was never mentioned again. It becomes really unlikely that the characters don't react to these oddities as much as they did their own powers, and throwing them in without relevance makes the story seem unorganized and ruins the flow of it.

Lastly, for this review, I'll get to Chapter 10. One of the main problems with this one is that there are huge blocks of text for Edd's extremely long and detailed dialogue. You realize that you can actually put dialogue into separate paragraphs without having to end it, right? For example:

"At least, none that are not highly obvious and with a higher potential to only aggravate our already tampered genomes—of which I will now explain.

"What I have discovered by examining our DNA is that there is a pattern of genes identical in each of us..."

Notice how I left out the quotes at the end of the first sentence. I've noticed this in books, where dialogue breaks into separate paragraphs but they leave off the end quotation to show that the same person is still speaking in the next line. You should do that whenever someone gives as long as speech as he did so it's not as daunting or confusing to read.

Another thing that strikes me as odd is how seriously the kids take all of this, not to mention the fact that they can all understand what Edd is saying. Also, while it does fit Edd's character to explain the intricacies of their mutations and how they may have came to be, from a plot-wise standpoint most of his speech is largely irrelevant and can be described instead of directly told. Unless the fact that "a natural virus could have taken place through a viral vector in vivo" and whatnot is very important for the reader to know for later, it shouldn't be elaborated upon save to give a little detail. Having it take up a good portion of the chapter, however, just makes it fluff, and adds to the aforementioned block-of-text dialogue problems mentioned earlier.

Lastly, on a grammatical note, I don't think the anecdote about Kevin's patriotism needs to be in ellipses. Text in ellipses is used for extra information that can be discarded and still leave the sentence correct and meaningful (like this). Having a whole paragraph inside them to explain Sarah's comment, however, does not work as those sentences are needed.

Also, the phrase, "Kevin, who—like any blue-blooded American—had a cousin or five on the front," strikes me as odd. The "Like any blue-blooded American" is quite a large generalization and an opinion in essence, and definitely violates the "do not have a narrator in third-person" rule I mentioned earlier. If you implied that Kevin HIMSELF thought that, however then it would be okay, but as it stands it makes me feel like you're directly telling me that blue-blooded Americans have a cousin or five on the front.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. I'll review your eleventh chapter sometime later, but today is one of the days where it's hard for me to think, and I'm afraid that I didn't go nearly as deep with this review as I could have on another day. Just know that I'll be reading this to the end, and if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them to the best of my ability!
9/18/2011 c11 1supaherolena02
Will they have outfits?

Because I'll simple LOVE it... Maybe Double D saying the thing like that "This will help you guys comtrol your powers (show outfits, and describe they [I'll help if you need ideas])...


The subject will be Lee?

And Edd will do the things they will train with? (phu-leeeeeeease say yes!)

Just one more thing... turn yourself a writer, you will make favor to the world ;D
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