3/23/2012 c1 1GiggleHeMan
I checked this out after I read your other story, Double Trouble, I'm liking it so far. Looking forward to seeing where you take this story. ^_^

3/10/2012 c13 4SuperiorShortness
Hmmm I hope people stop coming, I kinda like the idea of the random first wave people alone in the pokemon world :P.

3/6/2012 c7 EVA-Saiyajin
Good story so far, well written and detailed. I like the idea of a bunch of dead Shinobi working together to create a new life in a new land. Keep up the great work!

10/11/2011 c12 23Reaper Nanashi
Well, like I said, I can't offer any insight on the Pokéworld part of it, so I won't even try (I had to look up a lot of the pokémon you mentioned). Although I did like how Minato doesn't think much of the Magikarp—wait until she evolves!

The only thing that really jumps out at me is that you have plenty of dialogue, but not a lot of narrative; this makes the surroundings and especially the characters a little lackluster much of the time. You needn't describe every tiny piece of what's around, but it helps. For example, if they're in a forest, is the ground clean or littered with debris? Are the trees tall? Old? Knarled? Does it seem dark? Is the canopy thick or can sunlight get through to the forest floor? How does that affect the growth on the ground? How does it smell? What are they hearing? There's no reason or need to answer all of those questions all at once; sprinkling the answers throughout the narrative gives the readers time to experience each bit of the setting and then add it to an overall mental picture.

Examples of better narrative are so far limited to chapter twelve (regarding the golduck in particular) and parts of the introductions chapters; through those you explored the characters' thoughts, feelings, and personalities, and ideally you should be doing that everywhere in the narrative. Pick one or two characters for the entire story or on a per-chapter basis (too many at once can be confusing) and follow just them so the readers can get to know them better. This gives them that extra dimension which helps readers sympathize and empathize with the characters and really drag them into the story. Further, expanding on the narrative will reduce the number of line breaks you need per chapter, which can be disorienting sometimes, as it's indicating that focus and knowledge has to shift suddenly, and the readers don't necessarily know who to move on to if you're trying to cover multiple people in multiple groups each chapter.

So I'd advise picking one group for each chapter, and then—as long as there aren't too many in the group—checking in with each character so the readers can get to know them. Readers will understand right off that the chapters are happening more or less simultaneously, and to keep things organized you can bring the groups' timelines back together in a non-intrusive way by having them hear about each other's competitions on a radio or see them on a television or meet up at a specific place.

Other than that, it looks nice. Your grammar and spelling are good, the dialogue isn't awkward, and things are moving along. I'm eager to see the married couples meet up, mainly because I'm a huge sap. But I'm sure it'll be very sweet, regardless of whatever violence is wrought first.

~RN (LS)

9/29/2011 c11 IllusoryMoon
Hello~

Well first things first, I'd like to admit that I decided to read your story on a whim due to the lack of Pokemon x Naruto stories that interest me, despite my liking to the category. However, I must say that I have very much enjoyed what I've read. Your writing/English is quite good since I have yet to spot grammar and major spelling errors.

Can't wait for the shinobies' reactions when the "too dumb to live" Magikarp evolves into a Gyarados. I'm hoping for a laugh~ :D

Also are you gonna add Fifth Gen Pokemon and mechanics into the story? I think it would be okay... well the mechanics anyways, like new attacks and abilities. I have played DPPl. in a while so I don't know if your actually following the Pokemon habitat/nativity exactly or not, which is why I'm curious to know if your gonna add 5th gen Pokemon to the mix (in the wild that is). It would also be interesting for one of them to capture a 5th gen Pokemon, seeing as there is the Pokedex sub-plot and that Unova Pokemon, if your going for canon nativity, would a rare find in Sinnoh.

Also on a side note (since I forgot what else I was gonna say, but this just popped into my head after some reflecting on what I've read), I'm gonna assume that the summoning jutsu doesn't work, since it would create some problems and possibly plot holes due to Minato, Jiraiya, and Naruto both have contracts with the toads.

Well since I can't recall what else I was gonna say at this point, I'm gonna end it here. I hope to read more, so keep up with the good work~

9/18/2011 c12 wrencrank
Well, this is the first Pokemom multichapter story I've actually enjoyed. Is it up to canon with Shisui though?

Love the idea. And I can't wait too see more character development. Good job!

9/7/2011 c10 Eirdaru
I think that Kurara(Gaara's mom) she protects her son in his sand (her love). I think she deserves to be happy and actually have time with people she loves without dieting as a sacrifice to make a shoddy seal. Yashamaru( Kurara's younger brother) might work but he followed his orders to mess with Gaaras head, so he's not very likable aftr his past deeds. I like your fic and look forward to some updates soon, see u later!