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9/16/2011 c3 BigFriendlyGun9000
Very good! The last bit seems promising, and the thougt of regular vampirism as a cure is intriguing. Keep it up!
9/12/2011 c2 asdfgh
make owen more powerful they say that if you are bitten by a older vampirer the more powerful you become
9/9/2011 c2 BigFriendlyGun9000
Pretty good! As you said, this was quite a departure from the last chapter, but it was still very good.
9/9/2011 c2 32TorontoBatFan
Cool second chapter.

The world Owen and Abby live in now seems like from the movie "Stake Land".

I loved Abby's thoughts that having Owen back is so good it can allow her to forget that she's sleeping in a sewage pipe.

The parts where Abby was teaching Owen how to adapt to his new abilities was both fun and sad. (Sad when he had to learn the reality of the hunt.)

It was very touching when Owen inadvertently upsets Abby when he muses that being a feral might have been better when it came to feeding since he didn't think about the prey then. It showed just how much Abby needs him and how much Owen hates to do anything to make her feel bad.

As for their future...Maybe they can find a colony and strike a bargain with them. They'll fight off the ferals. In exchange, the colonists bleed into bottles (via needle and a tube and on a rotational system) for them to feed on. It would be a win-win situation for all concerned. The colonists are protected from the ferals, while Owen and Abby get a sustainable food source (with a bonus that they don't have to feel guilty afterwards either).

To be honest though, I thought this chapter might have been more of Owen just trying to wrap his head around what had happened to him and being essentially a mindless zombie for six years. I sort of figured it would take Owen a few days of adjustment before he could really get back into happy banter with Abby. Maybe it's a delayed reaction, or something.

Can't wait for Chapter 3. :-D
9/9/2011 c2 NoOneYouDontKnow
Good to see a little happiness for the vampire couple, but I suspect it's only the calm before the storm. Hope to read more.
9/9/2011 c2 DavidZahir
Congrats! Nicely done! I will admit that upon reading it there was something else I expected for some reason-for Owen to have at least partial amnesia, meaning he had to re-remember who Abby was. As a result, the learning-to-feed thing reads very much like other LMI fanfics where Owen turns. How could it not? Not your fault. And the rest of it-the relationship, the post-apocalyptic world-remains very interesting indeed! Bravo!
8/31/2011 c1 DavidZahir
I am impressed, a direction for Owen and Abby I've not encountered before. I find myself hoping very hard.
8/27/2011 c1 1realbullet
It's looking pretty good. I'm not sure where this is going - are Owen & Abby some sort of demonic super heroes or is the end of the line for humanity? I'm curious to see where it heads up.

If you've read any of my story, you know that I would rather you draw out the details. For instance, instead of having one paragraph explaining the difference between vampires and 'ferals' - show us. Have some scenes that indicate the differences or hint at them. Every so often, maybe Owen & Abby could discuss the ferals to summarize them for the reader.

A few style pointers:

1) Cut back on your use of adverbs. Anywhere you see an "-ly" prefix try to decide if it is helping the description. Usually it isn't - just eliminate it.

2)Watch your tense. Usually it is past tense, but then you wrote "the year is 1990". I find this very difficult to keep consistent - especially when you quote people's thoughts (the tense will tend to change in that case.) Also, check your punctuation ("What the f-?" is a question)

3) Never use the word "utilize" - in the sentence that ends with "before electric power was utilized." - just say "before electric power."

4) The paragraph that begins with "But her joy quickly turned to fear" is too much. Split it into several paragraphs. Also, simplify some of the sentences. When you writing tense action, the sentences need to be shorter and clearer - changing the pace like this amplifies the tension.

I find it tough to change my style in mid-story like that, but that is how "good" becomes "great".
8/26/2011 c1 32TorontoBatFan
Very mesmerizing chapter.

I didn't think this was as bad as you made it out to be.

Yes, it was bleak. However, it still held a note of optimism.

After all, in the end, Abby finds Owen again and is able to turn him. IMO, no matter how bad Abby might think her existence is, she can handle it so long as she and Owen are together.

I thought it most realistic that Abby would never give up looking for him, even if it took a hundred years. Luckily for her, it only took six.

Now, would the two of them try to fight back against the other ferals?

Are you planning another chapter where Owen is recovering and two get to reconnect after so long apart?
8/25/2011 c1 ryan1078
Wow. Really, really good. Kinda reminded me of I Am Legend with all the vampire/zombie things. I would love to see more chapters or stories added to this. The vulgar stuff wasn't as bad as you made it out to be. It's as least not as bad as some other stuff in this section. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Keep up the good work.
8/25/2011 c1 BigFriendlyGun9000
This is, even from chapter one, is going to be like all your stories...IT'LL BE GREAT! How do you do it?
8/25/2011 c1 NoOneYouDontKnow
I thought it was a cool idea. Some parts were vulgar, but not as vile as you made it sound! The state of world reminded me of the post-apocalyptic settlements in Justin Cronin's novel 'The Passage' mixed with the human depravity seen in the film 'The Road', which Kodi Smitt-Mcphee happened to star in.

I'd be interested in reading more. Maybe Abby and Owen go find those scientists and try to explain that the infection in them could over power the Feral's. Maybe the scientists are able to cultivate a serum from them that they use against the Feral's. That could be their 'redemption' or something.

Sorry just throwing ideas out there XD Thanks for sharing the story!
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