for The Short Fictets of Doom4/11/2012 c4 Lyneel
great job, truly!
first chapter was... unpredictable. Just as Luffy high on coffeine, I guess. How comes the ship was left in one piece, it's a mystery, one of the biggest on that surprising ocean ;) and oh, I wish I could have seen Zoro's face - must have been scary and, mostly, hilarious! ;)
second chapter made me worried! poor captain... I appreciate that you wrote about StrawHats' concern about his well-being in a realistic way, filling the reader with the feelings of compassion and fellowship. Though I think that the end of the case came a bit suddenly. I believe it's a rather serious illness, but again - it's Luffy. He is just the type to bounce back quickly :)
third chapter also prepared a surprise: it's nice that you decided to speculate on the topic of rumble balls, as they hold an intresting potential and may produce some scary/wonderful results. I really liked that the captain "saved the day" ;) Fits him well. Warm chapter about the pirate-family
Finally, I think that the best part was the last chapter, just like a cherry on a pie. Though it was a bittersweet pie, this time... It's really painful to see one's suffering, but I also felt this warmth, lovely and comforting, the warmth that grants strenght and assures the receiver that it's okay to show "weakness", sometimes. As in a loving family, no member will look down on them. And so the Straw Hats would rather be confronted with their nakama grief and share it, becoming the pillar of strenght so that everyone will keep moving forward, even limping, but never alone. You showed this well and did great on the story.
So once again: Truly, good job! :)
great job, truly!
first chapter was... unpredictable. Just as Luffy high on coffeine, I guess. How comes the ship was left in one piece, it's a mystery, one of the biggest on that surprising ocean ;) and oh, I wish I could have seen Zoro's face - must have been scary and, mostly, hilarious! ;)
second chapter made me worried! poor captain... I appreciate that you wrote about StrawHats' concern about his well-being in a realistic way, filling the reader with the feelings of compassion and fellowship. Though I think that the end of the case came a bit suddenly. I believe it's a rather serious illness, but again - it's Luffy. He is just the type to bounce back quickly :)
third chapter also prepared a surprise: it's nice that you decided to speculate on the topic of rumble balls, as they hold an intresting potential and may produce some scary/wonderful results. I really liked that the captain "saved the day" ;) Fits him well. Warm chapter about the pirate-family
Finally, I think that the best part was the last chapter, just like a cherry on a pie. Though it was a bittersweet pie, this time... It's really painful to see one's suffering, but I also felt this warmth, lovely and comforting, the warmth that grants strenght and assures the receiver that it's okay to show "weakness", sometimes. As in a loving family, no member will look down on them. And so the Straw Hats would rather be confronted with their nakama grief and share it, becoming the pillar of strenght so that everyone will keep moving forward, even limping, but never alone. You showed this well and did great on the story.
So once again: Truly, good job! :)
8/30/2011 c2 
191XFangHeartX
Poor Luffy.
Love the implied LuNa in this. I'll be looking forward to seeing more.
191XFangHeartXPoor Luffy.
Love the implied LuNa in this. I'll be looking forward to seeing more.