Just In
for Not Forgotten

5/26/2014 c1 JUSTIN HUSTON
5/26/2014 c1 JUSTIN HUSTON
12/1/2011 c1 10druglordhoney
Can I request you to make a story explaining why Abby bleeds when she enters a house uninvited? Why Thomas or Owen has to say "you can come in?" would love some explanation!

great Let Me In fic!
11/11/2011 c1 1DangerousBeauty93
I'm so glad someone decided to write a story about the relationship between Thomas and Abby. I've always wanted to get an insight into it. They had a beautiful relationship. You're story was so well written, it made me almost cry at the end. And I'm so glad that bad guys got what they deserved. But it's sad that Thomas's parents were killed.

I really loved how you added the photo booth scene. It was PERFECT. And at the end when Abby is looking at the picture it's just heartbreaking.
9/30/2011 c1 1ColBlair
Great story M74! Brillant!
9/21/2011 c1 1realbullet
It's a good story. I really like the transition in the end to 1983. It's an interesting take on Abby/Thomas' start.

I'm guessing the Christmas Story Xover - but I think the timing is off. Christmas Story takes place in the 50's (right?). The beginning sounds a little like Hugo, though (of course that is France - so it can't be).

A couple of suggestions for your stories. Watch your scene transitions - make sure you set the scene with a description or feeling of the new location. You do this well toward the end of the story, but in the middle you limit yourself to a few words (like 'elsewhere'). For instance, don't just tell us that you are in a steel mill - help us smell the grime and sweat. When you read, notice how other writers accomplish the scene setting. Every writer is different, and they will change how they accomplish the scene setting within a story.

Another suggestion for you is to watch the staccato dialogue. Sometimes this works well - like the argument or when Thomas is asking Abby what she is. Other times you should break up the dialogue more with thoughts or actions on the part of the players. Unlike a movie script, there are no actors to interpret your dialogue for us, so you need to include the action. Write the dialog the way you normally do, but then include some thoughts and actions in between the quotes. There are a lot of good resources out there (here's one - http:/fictionwriting.about.com/od/crafttechnique/qt/breakupdialogue.htm; here's another http:/www.sfwriter.com/ow08.htm). I find dialog extremely difficult to write. Sometimes I would just rather avoid it - but that is no good either.
9/4/2011 c1 BigFriendlyGun9000
Wow...just...wow. You write the best stories. Keep up the great work!
9/4/2011 c1 VivianVolkoff
That was so good! Your depiction of the characters and how they met worked so well.

I didn't get the film reference because I've never seen it (if TBF's answer is correct).
9/3/2011 c1 32TorontoBatFan
Very nice oneshot.

First, I need to ask about something.

Reggie has a cut foot from not wearing shoes, presumably outdoors. However, it's supposed to be December in Indiana when he likely wouldn't be able to stand the cold without his shoes on. When you mentioned weeks had passed, I thought it had become spring, but then it's coming up on Christmas.

Now...props for your referencing the Classic Universal Monsters. I thought I was the only knowledgeable fan here. LOL IMO, "The Mummy's Hand" was the only decent film following the 1932 film with Karloff.

And AWESOME shout-out to "A Christmas Story". Hershot, Indiana...Flick (who fell victim to the triple-dog-dare)..Schwartz...Ralphie and his desire for the Red Ryder BB gun. LOL (Mind you, I thought ACS took place in the late 1940's, after the war was over.) Shame we couldn't meet up with The Old Man.

One point, there really weren't "malls" back then. You'd just go to a single department store. Malls, I believe, came about in the postwar era with the growth of the suburbs and the automobile boom. Also, Thomas saying "I am soooo dead", really wasn't a phrase of the time.

As for the relationship btween Thomas and Abby...sweet yet tragic. Tragic in what happened to Thomas' family and his own eventual demise. I did notice, however, that there wasa noticeably different dynamic than what Abby had with Owen decades later. With Thomas it seemed more innocent...more childlike. With Owen, there seemed to be an undertoning of seriousness, as if the emotions under the surface are far deeper than with Thomas. IMO, it was because while Abby did love Thomas she was never IN love with him the way she would be with Owen.

Awesome story, overall.
9/3/2011 c1 NoOneYouDontKnow
You did it again, M74! Great story.

Really enjoyed your take on Thomas' life. He was quite the tough guy, but with a cheerful essence to him; a refreshing change from how I normally view him as.

There was a good balance of sweet, exciting, and tragic moments. Wasn't bored even for a moment. Looking forward to any other stories you come up with!

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