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9/19/2011 c5 13SunnyDee13
Nice descriptive fight scene. :)

I like sparx's little pun "Grumblins" That was punny!

I'd like to see where this goes, It's interesting to think about what might happen next.

If I may say something: Your grammar, and spelling are very... what's the word... Good I guess (I can't think of another word right now XD) Usually when I read a story I can find at least 1 or 2 grammar or spelling errors, but with yours I have spotted none. So great job with that!
9/19/2011 c1 Legendarywestie
one of the best stories ever
9/10/2011 c3 SunnyDee13
Sorry I didn't review this chapter... Just slipped my mind I guess.

Anyway, I like it. Spyro was being very resourceful with his elemental powers. I would have never though of the static electricity thing. That was a great idea. Oh and also how it cooks the fish in the process was cool.

I liked how cynder said "I see what you did thar" and I love how you reference to past Spyro games. "I have my moments" Being from "Dawn of the Dragon" at the Dam.

All in All, great job!
9/10/2011 c4 SunnyDee13
Your right. I loved it. I like how you ended this chapter. Very cliffhanging, which for this story, is a good thing. I also laughed so hard when Sparx called the human a "Hairless monkey without a tail." That was hilarious.

I Also like how you said Cynder uses her "air powers" to make her fly faster. Spyro was out of breath, but Cynder was just fine!

Sparx's other comment... I laughed. XD Nice one. I love how Sparx is like.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."

Reading this also made me want a cookie... And I actually went and ate one of the one's we got from subway XD

Great job so far. :)

If you haven't noticed... I LOVE USING SMILES! :D
9/8/2011 c2 dangerouslysafe
Great grammar, spelling and word choice. But sir, something very important, SHOW, DON'T TELL. For example- She walked into the room and everyone stared at her beauty- this is telling. It can make a story very bland with nothing for the reader to figure out himself/herself. Rather, write it like this- As she walked into the room, heads turned and mouths gawked at her. I will rewrite one of your sentences from chapter 1. The original-They were getting hungry, and were already getting a little tired. Rewritten to "show" instead of "tell" would look like this- Spyro's belly grumbled, and Cynder's eyelids drooped. Or something like that. "Showing" can also be achieved through dialogue, character expressions, and character body language. I hope you get what I'm trying to say, and hope this helped!

-dangerouslysafe
9/7/2011 c2 SunnyDee13
Awwwh! That was adoreable! It wasn't too sappy. It had the perfect amount of romantic elements in it! And Spyro dunkinghis head in the water was pretty funny! XD Silly little dragon!

I also love your term 'lifemares' considering Cynder's past it was a good word to use for her.

And thank you for menchining me. I'm glad to help out!
9/6/2011 c1 SunnyDee13
That was cute :) I think you should keep going. In my opinion, I love the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I post a new chapter of one of my stories. Stay confident, try your best, and have fun with your writing! When your having fun writing, Readers are most likely, Having an equal amount of fun reading :)
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