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11/27/2013 c13 1Deianeira Gisel
Ah I guess i can't read the story because is too many words .. I guess , it will be kind unique if you made 'Mahou Shoujo Chrome Magica'
11/3/2012 c13 kari
SOOOOOOOOOOO SADDDDDD! It's just like madoka magica episode 12!
7/20/2012 c13 19AKAAkira
As a first multi-chapter story, the plot was very well formed. You did very well keeping the themes of PMMM and the personalities of KHR!. You get additional points for bringing out two of the more obscure female characters in KHR! and doing them justice.

(Though personally I'd have liked to see SOME new stuff. As much as PMMM is a perfect recipe for angst, it is, in the end, still a recipe.)

One thing I thought you can improve on was Kyubey's character. For one thing, his explanation on entropy back in chapter 3 or 4 leaves much to be desired, though that might be excused because it IS overly scientific and from what I hear, the explanation was messed up in the show anyways. I think, more importantly, Kyubey's not one to simply give away an explanation and having to rely on being "saved by the bell", which was what happened back in that school scene with Haru. He knows what effect the truth has on recruitment; he also knows how to walk the line between truth and lie; and ultimately, his sole aim is the betterment of the universe as a whole. By having him unnecessarily truthful, I believe that culmination is the point you failed to adequately illustrate.

Another thing is that your overall narration might need to straighten out. Mostly, it's just the dialogue - I'm pretty sure I caught many times where a "directive" ("he said", "she yelled") are placed at the end of a long dialogue paragraph, which, generally, is by that point not only redundant (really, people can tell who's saying what from the dialogue itself) but also quite awkward-sounding. If you really want it, you can just put "directives" before the dialogue ("Haru said, 'Hi Tsuna. How are you doing?'") or in the middle of it ("'Hi Tsuna,' Haru said. 'How are you doing?'").

On the same narration topic, I had issues with Chapter 13 as a whole - not that it detracted from it being prettily saddening, of course. But one minor thing I noticed is that, if I remember right, Tsuna spared a thought or two about how M.M. was a good person at heart. That was characteristic of him, but at the same time, threw the thread of thought completely away from the urgency of Haru's situation, which is NOT what you want when leading up to the climax. Also, about giving Haru a voice...well, a pet peeve of mine is that I dislike sudden perspective shifts, BUT find them excusable in certain situations (like a character being no longer usable). So I entered the final chapter accepting Tsuna's POV, and yet suddenly found that Haru COULD talk, so what was the point of the POV shift in the first place? In more helpful terms, if Haru CAN talk, I'd suggest sticking with Haru's POV.

Though, in contrast, my personal opinion is that the voice was unnecessary in the first place. It's entirely possible to write the scene without dialogue, have Tsuna and Haru imagine the other's thoughts, no matter which perspective you write from...and, if you pull it of successfully, it'd be all the more bittersweet for it. (Besides which, on a character level, if Haru could talk it'd be even LESS likely for Tsuna to kill her, because it hints her humanity remains.)

(Also if I remember right, and at the risk of sounding rude, you might want to tell your beta to shape up. The number of errors here is, from my experience, understandable if it was just you working on this, but surprising when considering that it slipped through two sets of eyes.)

Er, looking back at the review, I did have a rather abundant criticism. Please don't mistake that for derision, though; criticism always take up more space, since unlike praise I have to actually, completely type out WHY things don't work for the advice to be half as useful, a fact that I bet annoys me more than it does to you, heh.

But all in all, I do think of this tale as a significant pioneer of the KHR! x PMMM crossover section, and one that sets the bar at a respectable height.
7/15/2012 c13 1murka
Dafuq,This is the most awesome fanfict that I've ever read. Now I want to make the doujinshi for this,if you let me. But I can't promise if the project puella magi haru magica will really be proper doujinshi,it will,just be like doodles maybe? Fu,anyway really this fict is great. Beyond great,I cried. And seriously the best fict ever. I hope you'll make a sequel for this
11/27/2011 c13 12Solera
This story captured the essence of Puella Magi too well. Great job with the story, even though Haru died in the end. Although... that's how every Magical Girl ends up anyway.
11/3/2011 c13 7Taeniaea
cool story
10/12/2011 c13 88AngelicTrinity
So Tsuna was left the grim task of destroying poor Haru, huh? Ah, the final chapter. But I noticed that you forgot to change the story status to 'complete'. Does that mean there's going to be an epilogue?

Anyways, I suspected that this story was not going to have a happy ending with it being Puella Magi and all. But man, that was a bitter sweet ending. A very bitter sweet ending.

All I want to say is thank you for writing this story. Haru may not be my favorite character and I find her extremely annoying, but it is hard not to sympathize with Haru in this.

Once again, this was a very enjoyable read.
10/9/2011 c12 AngelicTrinity
The next chapter would be the epilogue then, huh? I can't wait to read it. As depressing as this chapter is, I also quite enjoyed it. Even though Haru isn't my favorite character, it's hard not to feel her despair in this chapter.

I hope you update soon, because I wanna see how the story ends!
10/2/2011 c9 14Toxic-Hibari
I liked the chapter, although it wasn't the best it could be.

There was a word I spotted and I'm not too sure if it's right since I don't think the word exists, but I think the word 'detrimnation' was meant to be 'determination'? Hope that was any help.

Keep up the good work ^^

~Shannon~
9/30/2011 c8 Toxic-Hibari
Sorry I haven't reviewed until now, my story alert was acting a little strange.

Anyway, I like all the work you've done up till now, it's really amazing!

I like the scenes with Bluebell, and I think the way her personality is really suits the story.

With Dino... Well, I never expected the huge outburst from Haru, but it fits the story as well, considering she loves Tsuna and not Dino.

Huge improvement in your writing from what I can see, keep up the good work!

P.S No typo's spotted.
9/17/2011 c5 Toxic-Hibari
I really enjoyed this chapter!

I noticed one mistake in it though, but then I forgot it, and when I read it again I couldn't find it! Aghhh!

It was something Minor... I know that... But... I think it was just a word that sould have been there, like 'was'

It was near a bit the said 'Chrome's question' or something like that.

Keep up the good work ^^
9/16/2011 c4 Toxic-Hibari
Great chapter! No typo's spotted.

Update soon *hugs*
9/15/2011 c3 2Supersweetcutebunny
OH my, how aniticipating; you're now making me shiver in my shoes! ;3 *o*. So like please continue, please.
9/10/2011 c3 5eviclair
Gah, when I saw this story in the crossover section I had to take a minute and just squeal. Madoka and Reborn are my top two animes and combining them is like putting the icing on the magical mafia cake.

You write Haru well. Like, really well. Most people peg her as either an airhead or a spaz, but you've found the balance. Awesome job ;)

That being said, when I read this chapter I died a bit inside. Haru WOULD just jump in it like that, wouldn't she? And her wish was so vague, too! I'm not sure what type of author you are just yet, so I dunno if I should be expecting her to marry MafiaBoss!Tsuna or someone like Byakuran XD Guess we'll see...

This is really, really good. Keep going!
9/10/2011 c3 14Toxic-Hibari
Me again! Just skim-reading but I saw no errors in this chapter!

The part where Haru comes into contact with the Kyuby, you managed to picture the moment of her excitedness, her slight selfishness and her lack of thought when she accepted the contract.

You also made her wishes seem very 'Haru'-ish, especially with the cake one and never gaining weight (yeah, if only that were true...) but the main one, the wish for becoming a mafia boss' wife... She made a big mistake there, her wish was to become 'a' mafia boss' wife, but no one in particular? That was a big mistake on her hand.

Anyway, from reading you A/N, Haru's first witch is going to appear in the next chapter, so it's going to be really exciting!

Keep up the good work.
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