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for Famiglia

10/10/2011 c3 13Dysgrammatophobia
This fic is interesting and I definitely want to read more, but it's hindered by the poor grammar. You make a lot of basic mistakes, which can be easily caught by a beta, but also some wording errors. A beta would make your fic a lot easier to read. You have all the creativity and ideas and with a little mechanical help you could have a fantastic fic on your hands. Here are just a couple of errors I've seen throughout your fic: you mix up your "there"s. "They're" is an abbreviation of "they are", "their" is the possessive, and "there" is used at any other time. "You're" is an abbreviation of "you are" and "your" is the possessive. These are just some of them, but fixing these goes a long way to improving readability. Your fic has a lot of potential. Thanks for sharing.
10/9/2011 c3 Heretogetthestory
I'll Beta for you! I love this story
10/8/2011 c3 chococandyz
I thought of something dirty when Hana said, "STRIP. NOW." Haha!

Love this story!^^
10/6/2011 c3 1zelix321
Update soon! I really love this story! I hope Tsuna can change to his hyper mode :)
10/6/2011 c3 7My Solitude
This is pretty interesting. XD
10/3/2011 c3 86WizardsGirl
Great update, please do so again!

Hugs & Kittens,

10/2/2011 c3 5-Ofanatic
this is a great story! with regards to harry's weapon, i think it should allow him to do some untraceable magic or you should have him learn wandless magic as the story goes on. i think if you take harry's magic away he wont be as unique of a member of the family as he could be. update soon!
10/2/2011 c3 16Megi Keishii
Can't wait for the next chapter! If needed I can be your beta if you still need one.
10/2/2011 c3 tsumdere
I rlly love Harry joins vongola stories... And this one seems pretty epic ;)
10/1/2011 c3 CrystalBlues
only harry can get into situations like this... sigh

wonder when harry realises what reborn means by family...

would harry be able to help reborn? or is harry not up to par with breaking curses?

i loved the mother component of bianchi.

looking forward to updates.
10/1/2011 c3 7Insanity-Red
I really like this story. It's very interesting. I can't wait to see how Harry's presence will alter the story - and perhaps the Vongola Famiglia smacking down any Wizarding attempts to push their problems on Harry.

I really hope that Xanxus wins the poll - I really want to see how you'd finagle that into the story. Yamamoto is cool too, but I'd rather see Harry interacting with the scarred-up, angry boss of an assassination squad. Plus, it'd be fun to see Xanxus attracted to him, and how the man would deal with it.

Keep up the good work and please update soon!
10/1/2011 c3 176Firehedgehog
very nice
10/1/2011 c3 2RaspberryTroll
I really like this story and I honestly think it was great potential.

Anyway, concerning the paring poll, is it limited to only those two because you don’t want to pair Harry up with someone else? To be honest, I sort of like the thought of Takeshi and Harry together. With Takeshi’s kind and easy- going nature plus his willingness to protect people, I think Harry will really fall for him. Added to the fact that Takeshi is a person who shows his affection very openly, he can help Harry with his poor social skills and get him used to hugging and stuff. I also think that it would be very cute with all the teasing on Takeshi’s part. Besides, Takeshi seems to be Harry’s type. What I mean with this is that all the people Harry fall in love with in the books are athletic. Ginny and Cho are on the house teams, and I honestly think that Harry was attracted to Cedric, though not in the way that would eventually lead to a relationship, more like on of those light crushes.

Concerning the paring with Xanxus… I don’t really see it happening. In the Varia Arc, he appears like a very big arsehole of a villain, with a BAD personality. Arrogant, constantly treating his guardians like trash, ready to kill his own FATHER in order to reach his goal and attacking Tsuna & Co, I don’t see Harry falling for someone like that. Well, I am fond of him, ‘cause he really is an awesome badass and all, but since I keep seeing him like an overactive volcano that erupts at the smallest twitch, I can’t help but think that Harry will end up challenging him all the time and end up dead at Xanxus’ hand. Sure, he seems to have mellowed out in the Future Arc (sort of), but unless he has a trait that really makes up for all the bad ones, I don’t think that they will end up with each other. Xanxus also strikes me as possessive and controlling over things he likes, and Harry isn’t someone who will be in a relationship where he is not equal with his partner. And even if he DID end up with Xanxus, I can’t help but think it will revolve around sex and passion, not love.

On another note that you can ignore if you want to, PLEASE DON’T PAIR UP ANY OF TSUNA’S GUARDIANS WITH EACH OTHER! OR WITH TSUNA HIMSELF!

I really think that it will destroy the dynamic they already have. The relationship they seem to have with each other is like brothers. Kyoya is the oldest brother, obviously adopted and absolutely can’t stand his snivelling little brothers who always insist on grouping together. Ryohei is the one that wakes up 4 o’clock in the morning and storms out with all the intention of training till 6 o’clock when he finally arrives home and wakes up everyone, even though they don’t want it. He is also the only one who more or less can survive Kyoya’s brutal and murderess temper as his body can take the abuse. Mukuro is that other adopted weirdo, who can see ghosts, is generally creepy and amuses himself with pissing of Kyoya, who hates him with a burning passion.

Takshi is the other sport’s nut and is pretty much liked by everyone. He is the main peacemaker in the lot and often makes the food. Hayato is the one that hates everyone equally except Tsuna and the most rebellious of them all. Ironically, he is also the one with the best grades. He is also the one that Takeshi teases the most as he is the one with the most amusing reactions. Then there is Chrome, the little innocent that Mukuro picked up somewhere. She goes surprisingly well along with Kyoya despite his hate for anything to do with Mukuro, and no one really knows what to do with her, but she is the only one who can give them information on Mukuro whenever he disappears somewhere. Then there is Lambo, the arrogant little bugger that charmed his way in through the Mother of he household. The only things that can stir him is his stomach, his boredom, Maman and Tsuna, more or less. He is also the only one that doesn’t wake up when Ryohei comes back from his training.

And finally there is Tsuna. The weak willed, bullied and generally useless brother who is the glue for the misfit family. Kyoya thinks he is sort of acceptable, in a stupidly grateful kind of way that makes stronger people instinctively want to protect him despite knowing better. (In other words, he is a cute little animal.) Royhei likes him simply because he sometimes is more “Extreme” then Royhei himself. Mukuro likes him because he takes good care of Chrome. Takeshi likes him because he is his first true friend. Hayato likes him because he kept being kind to him and saved him. Chrome likes him because she can see Mukuro more often and he accepted her into his family. Lambo likes just about everyone that gives him candy, and Tsuna protects him.


On my last note, what kind of weapon will Harry have? Personally, I think that he needs a light weapon, like a chain, a pair of bauga knives, twin swords – very light, a gun, daggers or fans. The weapon I’m leaning towards is a gunblade. As the name implies it is a fusion of a gun and a blade. It comes from the Final Fantasy games and can be used like a gun and a blade. The reason I would like him to use something like this is that way he can use the gunblade like a wand and cast spells through bullets like Reborn. The blade would be useful in close combat as the size of the blade varies. It could be at the size of his elbow and down to his hand, or something. It, coupled with his speed and reflexes, would make him a scary person in close to midrange combat.

I can’t help but feel a little rude and nagging when I take a proper look at my review. It’s already over 1000 words long! I hope you enjoyed my long rant, and if you didn’t, then I apologize. I would be happy to be a wall for you to bounce ideas against if you whish.

I sincerely look forward to the next chapter and I hope you update soon!

With all the love of a bibliophile;

Kiri Razael, Tearful Reunion
10/1/2011 c3 Zakyla
Awwwh lol Hana & Harry sort-of-not-really-bonding time. I liked all Harry & Girls interactions here especially Bianchi surprisingly normally she sort of just gets pushed to the side in the manga or just shown as Reborn-obsessive so I liked this happening.

I also liked how Harry knew that Reborn wasn't actually a baby and that he was cursed instead of reacting like everyone else who just assume he is a very smart baby and somehow the strongest hitman too and tend to ignore the weirdness of that. I was totally thinking - whilst Harry realised that Reborn was cursed - that he [Harry] could find the cure for the Arcobaleno curse - due to being a wizard - or create one eventually - as it probably won't be in any books or whatever - so that could tie in to the current arc when you get to it?

Hibari! I want him to react to someone being abandoned in his Namimori, like wanting to bite the Dursleys to death for littering in his Namimori lol not that I'm saying that harry is trash, but Hibari would probably view in that sort of way lolol.

lol Gokudera stop being so pissy - and lolwhat Yamamoto suddenly being quite good at English and lol at Harry only understanding EXTREME when Ryohei talks. Harry is alot like Tsuna isn't he? Just with a lot more courage and a lot more angst ahaha.

I forgot this chapter was pre-4th Book and when you said Harry couldn't swim I was like but he swam in the 2nd Task? And then I was like oh yeah pre-4th year, I wonder if they all teach him this summer then?

Gamma x Tsuna? That - I like that actually, Harry could replace Tsuna in that pairing too. And I thought you had decided on Harry's weapon? Though I sort of want him to be able to use more than one type of weapon since he should have good aim because of his spells, and he's used a sword before so I see him as a sort of Jack of all trades.

Grammar Nazi time:

Not much to say here actually - Yay! Just spelling really and wrong usage of tense for a word or sentence really.
10/1/2011 c3 10Ireadtomuch
While this was a wonderful update it had major problems.

In some places the grammer was so bad I couldn't understand what was going on. In others the words were either misspelled or not real words. You also had wrong word usage meaning that where you ment one word you put an entirely different, but similar looking one in its place.

This story has great potential but its being ruined by the problems I have mentioned. You need to get a beta before your next update.

All these mistakes were enough to make me cringe and wonder if I had put this on my favorite list my mistake. But no, it was the wondreful story I had read a few weeks ago gone horribly wrong.

If you need it I can be your temporary beta until you find a permanant one. I beta my own work before passing it onto my beta for her to catch things I missed to make things easier. I am not the best, but I can be a temporary solution.

even if you do not accept this offer find a beta immediently.

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