for The Long Walk2/11/2015 c1 
11The Ghostly Minion
This story is not bad at all. Don't think I'm damning with faint praise, BTW. I know just how hard this is.
You have a good, introspective Harry pondering his life and what you have him pondering is true to canon, with the exceptions of a couple tweaks in DH that in my mind are true to the spirit of canon, if not JKR's written word.
BTW, saw your other short. Great to have Rosbt still writing her, isn't it? Working on finishing 'Look back', and I love the 'Density' first chapter.
D. Page Robin
11The Ghostly MinionThis story is not bad at all. Don't think I'm damning with faint praise, BTW. I know just how hard this is.
You have a good, introspective Harry pondering his life and what you have him pondering is true to canon, with the exceptions of a couple tweaks in DH that in my mind are true to the spirit of canon, if not JKR's written word.
BTW, saw your other short. Great to have Rosbt still writing her, isn't it? Working on finishing 'Look back', and I love the 'Density' first chapter.
D. Page Robin
10/31/2013 c1 6prion
The ending was a little confusing at first, didn't realize that there was such a huge time skip at first. It may have been better without the last paragraph.
You got the bitterness down, but I think he's a little too aware of some things. We, as the audience, know that there were some really bad things that happened in his life, but as a character who's survived where his parents and others haven't - plus the abuse at home - his self-esteem and sense of self-worth is going to be dramatically reduced. I read somewhere that the actor who played Harry had researched Survivor's Guilt, which can explain how Harry really is broken. You don't come out quite as normal, and you wouldn't have the same expectations in life because of it.
6prionThe ending was a little confusing at first, didn't realize that there was such a huge time skip at first. It may have been better without the last paragraph.
You got the bitterness down, but I think he's a little too aware of some things. We, as the audience, know that there were some really bad things that happened in his life, but as a character who's survived where his parents and others haven't - plus the abuse at home - his self-esteem and sense of self-worth is going to be dramatically reduced. I read somewhere that the actor who played Harry had researched Survivor's Guilt, which can explain how Harry really is broken. You don't come out quite as normal, and you wouldn't have the same expectations in life because of it.
4/24/2012 c1 soccersack
Pretty good I reckon! Sorry, I'm useless at constructive criticism! Found the end a little bit abrupt, but other than that... :)
Pretty good I reckon! Sorry, I'm useless at constructive criticism! Found the end a little bit abrupt, but other than that... :)
1/29/2012 c1 15Witherwings01
First person narrative usually puts me off, but I think it works in this case as there is only one character and his thoughts. I'd like to see more of your writing on a longer project.
15Witherwings01First person narrative usually puts me off, but I think it works in this case as there is only one character and his thoughts. I'd like to see more of your writing on a longer project.
1/15/2012 c1 1Symbologist
This was...Not Bad. It was short, which was strange, but quite nice. It was filled with emotion and had some nice parts. I think you're trying to write a bit to formally and the message comes across a little stiff. Don't use "..." unless there's a character speaking.
Overall, Nice. I'd want you to do a full out story though.
This was good, and i think you should continue writing.
AND i'm the first person to review! :D
1SymbologistThis was...Not Bad. It was short, which was strange, but quite nice. It was filled with emotion and had some nice parts. I think you're trying to write a bit to formally and the message comes across a little stiff. Don't use "..." unless there's a character speaking.
Overall, Nice. I'd want you to do a full out story though.
This was good, and i think you should continue writing.
AND i'm the first person to review! :D