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for A Little Gift From ENCOM

8/25/2013 c7 5EmpireX
Aw! A boy with no food in his fridge is undeniably adorkable. ;-)
8/25/2013 c6 EmpireX
Woo! That was steamy! :-D
8/25/2013 c4 EmpireX
Gah! The dude is a robot! I just want to shake him! Shake him like an Etch-a-Sketch and shout WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
8/25/2013 c2 EmpireX
You've got an interesting plot here, a likable OC, and DillingerJr. is in character. My only complaint is that you definitely need a beta reader to review before you post. Someone who will catch the grammatical errors, point out phrases that just don't translate, and edit out superfluous words. For example:

He just slowed down his pace a little, but didn't stop, letting a dry, strained, put-on smile glide over his lips and said while passing her: "No, thanks."

This could be made more succinct by the following change:

He slowed his pace only a little as he passed her, a dry, strained, put-on smile gliding over his lips. "No, thanks."

The point is, readers are lazy. Myself included. One or two misspelled words in a chapter is forgivable, but having to stop and reread to try to figure out what the writer is trying to say is a hassle. It pulls the reader out of the world you've created and might cause them to just give up and move on to another story.

Just something to think about. All in all, I'm incredibly impressed by anyone who would attempt to write fiction in a language not their own. You've done well here, but with a little help from a friend, I think it could be fantastic.
12/7/2011 c9 45IluthraDanar
Delightful ending, the nightmares, the Grid fun, and the relationship fully formed. Good job!
12/7/2011 c9 1CaptainArdee
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ^_^

This was a very deep and meaningful way to end this story. I am sooo glad you wrote this chapter. It's really your best so far, showing the after-effects and how they're learning to deal with them. One of the best things about this story is how real you keep all of the characters in it - even Darek, surprisingly, lol, but still you do.

Also, how damn SEXY it is. ♥ Amazing work!
12/7/2011 c9 3randomwriter90
Great story, I love your writing and I can't wait for the sequel.
11/18/2011 c8 Anon11
WOW! How exciting~Darek becoming a Virus! Loved it! :)

Ed to the rescue-so cute!
11/16/2011 c8 1CaptainArdee
BWAHAHA. I WIN. 8D

Can't tell you how excited I was when I read that there was a mysterious virus and I was like DAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

Gah, that was exciting! I'm toootally shaking right now! Exceptional chapter!

I like how you placed it in there subtly and it grew. That's what strength of this piece - besides how SEXY it is! Back when Darek learned about Ed and said "You deserve better" I could see that there had been an accidental inception preformed there! Bwaha, you're such a genius.

Can't waaait for the epilogue. :DDD
11/16/2011 c8 3randomwriter90
Oh, snapsies! That was a good chappie. Darek was alive and infected with a virus. Wow, I didn't see that coming, but I'm glad you wrote it. Anyways good story. Surprise me on the ending.
11/11/2011 c7 1CaptainArdee
Just read this when I should've been doing my homework. Oh well, it was worth it! :D Forgot my old sign-in on here so I got a new one just to subscribe/favorite this story. xD It's more-than-music from deviantART, your biggest fan! :D (not sure about how factual that is, but I DO love your work, lol)

You make Ed Dillinger Jr SO sexy. D": In everything you do. I must inform you of this. I love how everything moves so steadily in this story, slowly building. It makes me all shivery! x')

Can't wait to see the next part! Will chapter eight be the last one? You mentioned two more chapters at one point... D: Does it really ever have to end?
11/9/2011 c7 Anon11
I loved the shower scene-felt so much more real and intimate (i would have been freaking out, morning breath~ all your makeup gone! ahh)

But it was super cute!

And Darek is out of the picture? For certain? hmm...

Great stuff! :)
11/8/2011 c7 3randomwriter90
Dareks gone. I don't know whether to be happy or cry for him. Let's hope that Dillinger doesn't screw this up.
11/7/2011 c6 19hoppnhorn
I LOVE this story! It's so sweet and still extremely steamy at the same time! You have done an incredible job. =) Can't wait to read more.
11/7/2011 c1 hoppnhorn
WOW. this was awesome. you wrote that sex scene in a way that was incredibly beautiful but hot at the same time, and that's a very tricky balance. I love this story so far and I'm definitely going to keep reading!
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