for Three Worlds, One Girl, and Love6/22/2013 c2 Guest
Hey stop worrying, cause it didn't happend put kagome with awesome story.
Hey stop worrying, cause it didn't happend put kagome with awesome story.
11/29/2011 c1 
43Kawaii-Hime-Ceres
Good start.
I have a hard time following the different forms of 'speech'. You know whose thoughts are what even with the guide at the top. I think that is purely a me thing. I don't do a lot of reading as I prefer to do the writing.
43Kawaii-Hime-CeresGood start.
I have a hard time following the different forms of 'speech'. You know whose thoughts are what even with the guide at the top. I think that is purely a me thing. I don't do a lot of reading as I prefer to do the writing.
11/21/2011 c1 41Kagome Yuki Niwa
Hey boo~
I received your message and am dropping a review! This is all going to he constructive criticism so that you can get better as a writer. First of all - intereting concept but your summary needs a bit of work. I had some trouble understanding it. Second - you should stick to one point of view. Constantly switching and announcing it like "Rayne's POV" tends to annoy readers. Also when it comes to sound effects it looks silly when it is announced like "crash". It's better to say that a loud cash came from upstairs. Another things is original characters. You have to be careful with them when they are the main character. Most original characters fill the typical cliche bad boy/girl. Try.to.break away from the mold. Other then that I can't wait to see how this progresses! Kissus!
41Kagome Yuki NiwaHey boo~
I received your message and am dropping a review! This is all going to he constructive criticism so that you can get better as a writer. First of all - intereting concept but your summary needs a bit of work. I had some trouble understanding it. Second - you should stick to one point of view. Constantly switching and announcing it like "Rayne's POV" tends to annoy readers. Also when it comes to sound effects it looks silly when it is announced like "crash". It's better to say that a loud cash came from upstairs. Another things is original characters. You have to be careful with them when they are the main character. Most original characters fill the typical cliche bad boy/girl. Try.to.break away from the mold. Other then that I can't wait to see how this progresses! Kissus!
10/22/2011 c1 19Darkus Asuka
It isn't bad, I got a little confused in the middle.
But other wise it was all right,
19Darkus AsukaIt isn't bad, I got a little confused in the middle.
But other wise it was all right,
10/9/2011 c1 30Love332
Wow! I am really impressed by your writing! :) I had bit of problems because I don't know from what anime these characters are from! But still I love it! :)
30Love332Wow! I am really impressed by your writing! :) I had bit of problems because I don't know from what anime these characters are from! But still I love it! :)
10/3/2011 c1 4Leonardo T. Jones
Oh my gosh i really really loved it. it leaves a bit of questions, which is great. it helps incaptures a reader's interest.
4Leonardo T. JonesOh my gosh i really really loved it. it leaves a bit of questions, which is great. it helps incaptures a reader's interest.
10/1/2011 c1 6kenshingirlxoxo652
hey, sry this is so late: this is rly good for being ur first story, i rly like it, but its not rly an anime i watch. but im still gona keep reading it cuz its so amazing :D
6kenshingirlxoxo652hey, sry this is so late: this is rly good for being ur first story, i rly like it, but its not rly an anime i watch. but im still gona keep reading it cuz its so amazing :D
9/28/2011 c1 CandyassGoth
Hello! I'm here like you asked! Okay, honestly, i never read stories with ocs as main characters, its an automatic turn off for most readers, and i'm guessing no yaoi since there is only Yami mentioned in the story details and not Yugi? Yeah, i'm not one for these kinda fics...BUT! You supported me so i'll support you. Plus, i do like it so far! It had a happy bubbly tone about it, and the characters were cool. Irani is so cute, i wish i had him! Rayne is awesome too, i'm so happy she also doesn't like skirts, me neither! We've met the Ishtar boys, on their bikes lol. And cool stuff about demons and stuff! That always makes for a good story! I think you have great imagination and for your first fic its good. Hope you slept okay, lol i couldn't sleep when i posted my first one, i was worried people were going to come and flame me and stuff. Well, good luck with working on chapter 2! I'll be waiting.
Hello! I'm here like you asked! Okay, honestly, i never read stories with ocs as main characters, its an automatic turn off for most readers, and i'm guessing no yaoi since there is only Yami mentioned in the story details and not Yugi? Yeah, i'm not one for these kinda fics...BUT! You supported me so i'll support you. Plus, i do like it so far! It had a happy bubbly tone about it, and the characters were cool. Irani is so cute, i wish i had him! Rayne is awesome too, i'm so happy she also doesn't like skirts, me neither! We've met the Ishtar boys, on their bikes lol. And cool stuff about demons and stuff! That always makes for a good story! I think you have great imagination and for your first fic its good. Hope you slept okay, lol i couldn't sleep when i posted my first one, i was worried people were going to come and flame me and stuff. Well, good luck with working on chapter 2! I'll be waiting.
9/28/2011 c1 6KuraiMokin
Wow! Really good. I loved it :) can't wait for the next chapter ^^ ... it's not normaly some thing I would read but it's really great... Oh and just to let you know you have some typos dotted about ( not like I have the right to point it out I'm just as bad if not worse XD )
6KuraiMokinWow! Really good. I loved it :) can't wait for the next chapter ^^ ... it's not normaly some thing I would read but it's really great... Oh and just to let you know you have some typos dotted about ( not like I have the right to point it out I'm just as bad if not worse XD )