Just In
for Will's Day Off

2/25/2012 c1 12JustaBunchaHOOPLA
lol, that was so funny, I love how...I basically loved everything!
12/27/2011 c1 117Alyss Mainwaring
That was cool.

I know it wazs jsut random but it was good to see one of them. Everyone in the RA section is so fixed on killing him or you know...

It is odd because in other sections on this people don't generally do that sort of thing...

We are just odd I guess.

Happy New Year

Alyss Mainwaring
10/16/2011 c1 25Kangarooney
Mm, very interesting. I like how you made Will extremely wary of everything. :) And how you gave me credit like that. :)

I suggest though, that a lot of people won't read your story because of the opening, er, whatever it is called (I forget). What you need is a little bit more spice.

Now that you've given Will his day off, I suggest you add another chapter, humor. Have the girl, yourself, appear in Will's world again. Make his day start off good, just like the last time you had been in his world. Say, how about you make yourself appear a week or so after you had appeared the first time. Now make the girl character (I'm gonna call her Pearl, after you), stay with him for a while, giving him wonderful days. Then, he'll get bored, there's no way around. Eventually he'll talk to Pearl. Pearl gets offended and poofs away. He becomes wary afterwards, after all, he did just annoy one of the people who controls his life.

For a while, month, nothing happens, he relaxes and lets his guard down (something a Ranger should NEVER do). Pearl attacks. Will is bombarded by jokes and pranks, all about him. Nothing bad BAD happens to him, just enough to injure his pride and social life for a while.

End whenever you feel fit.

And there you go. You can put that the second chapter has spice in your summary(Yay, I remembered what it's called), or will have spice when you add it.

Keep writing! Hope you take my suggestions in and thing about them!


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