for Dare:Love4/10/2012 c1 
4Enchanted Notes
-grins-
That was fun. It's interesting.
Here are some of my 'suggestions':
How to properly construct a dialog.
"That leaves you, Mikan," Anna says as she raises her glasses tipsily.
(The "says" in there indicated that she was the one who said the dialog, thus, the comma is needed.
"Fine. Go ahead and dare me," I challenged before I gulped a shot of tequila.
(Sort of that way, too. It's because of the word challenge.)
Another type is this one. I'll just use one of your dialogs, but it doesn't mean that it's wrong.
"Okay then. Wish me luck." I gulp as I stood up.
(The period is needed because it didn't indicate that the dialog was part of the sentence.)
All in all, if the dialog indicates that it's a part of the next sentence, there should be a comma, and the corresponding sentence should have a lower case. What I mean is this way:
"That leaves you, Mikan," she says as she raises her glasses tipsily.
Another one is I suggest you change this one:
Besides, it's not the time for your shyness
to
Besides, it's not a time to be shy
I will be waiting for your update. The way you left it, and how short it is made the readers crave for more.
Good job! Thank you for reviewing mine, and yes, you mentioned it right.
4Enchanted Notes-grins-
That was fun. It's interesting.
Here are some of my 'suggestions':
How to properly construct a dialog.
"That leaves you, Mikan," Anna says as she raises her glasses tipsily.
(The "says" in there indicated that she was the one who said the dialog, thus, the comma is needed.
"Fine. Go ahead and dare me," I challenged before I gulped a shot of tequila.
(Sort of that way, too. It's because of the word challenge.)
Another type is this one. I'll just use one of your dialogs, but it doesn't mean that it's wrong.
"Okay then. Wish me luck." I gulp as I stood up.
(The period is needed because it didn't indicate that the dialog was part of the sentence.)
All in all, if the dialog indicates that it's a part of the next sentence, there should be a comma, and the corresponding sentence should have a lower case. What I mean is this way:
"That leaves you, Mikan," she says as she raises her glasses tipsily.
Another one is I suggest you change this one:
Besides, it's not the time for your shyness
to
Besides, it's not a time to be shy
I will be waiting for your update. The way you left it, and how short it is made the readers crave for more.
Good job! Thank you for reviewing mine, and yes, you mentioned it right.
11/4/2011 c1 9miramisa90212
Lol I like this fresh start! :))) update soon, 'kay? :D I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! :DDDDDDDDDD
9miramisa90212Lol I like this fresh start! :))) update soon, 'kay? :D I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! :DDDDDDDDDD
10/21/2011 c1 10Mishie Eru
You have a very good start. I think I'm going to like where this is going. It's interesting and curiosity is eating me up. You have a way with descriptions and it's also good that you've written the introductions for the characters because some authors assume that we already know how they're going to act. Well technically, yeah, but sometimes they do a lot of tweaking and make the characters character a whole lot different.
Nicely done, though I agree that it's short but you can do it. Find the inspiration and let the ideas flow.
Great job. :))
Much love,
Mishie Eru
10Mishie EruYou have a very good start. I think I'm going to like where this is going. It's interesting and curiosity is eating me up. You have a way with descriptions and it's also good that you've written the introductions for the characters because some authors assume that we already know how they're going to act. Well technically, yeah, but sometimes they do a lot of tweaking and make the characters character a whole lot different.
Nicely done, though I agree that it's short but you can do it. Find the inspiration and let the ideas flow.
Great job. :))
Much love,
Mishie Eru
10/21/2011 c1 24Sadz0012
HOLY HELL, THIS SOUNDS REALLY INTERESTING
I wanna c da dramatic scene between MIkan n *cough*obviously*cough* Natsume! Please write the next chapter soon, i can't wait!
and i really like how u make both Anna and Nonoko contradicting each odr. :)
24Sadz0012HOLY HELL, THIS SOUNDS REALLY INTERESTING
I wanna c da dramatic scene between MIkan n *cough*obviously*cough* Natsume! Please write the next chapter soon, i can't wait!
and i really like how u make both Anna and Nonoko contradicting each odr. :)
10/21/2011 c1 July Passion
Good so far=D! Please come check out my stories two=D ! Anyway i like it =D
Good so far=D! Please come check out my stories two=D ! Anyway i like it =D
10/21/2011 c1 5Crimson-Midnight-Moon
haha, I know this story barely started but im already laughing :D update soon pleas :)
5Crimson-Midnight-Moonhaha, I know this story barely started but im already laughing :D update soon pleas :)