for A Warrior's Spirit10/15/2020 c1 
5Spartastic 4
Aight so the two biggest things are the lack of details and the transitions.
Transition wise; The use of Line Breaks was well done but it seems to be a scene by scene thing when you covered the first episode in for which it just, seemingly, randomly jumped from one location to another. For example, when Iruka found Naruto, you jumped from being outside, to inside the academy, to the cleaning of the faces in the span of a few lines. This was not helped by the lack of details.
Had you added in details to at least describe the passage of time or Iruka grabbing Naruto to take him somewhere, it would have made a good point for a line break to appear. Another thing with the lack of details is that it does not give good imagery to what is actually happening and is relying on the fact that the readers should know what is going on based on watching Naruto or playing Smash Bros.
This is an interesting concept and I do wish to read more but please take these two points into consideration as you continue forward.
5Spartastic 4Aight so the two biggest things are the lack of details and the transitions.
Transition wise; The use of Line Breaks was well done but it seems to be a scene by scene thing when you covered the first episode in for which it just, seemingly, randomly jumped from one location to another. For example, when Iruka found Naruto, you jumped from being outside, to inside the academy, to the cleaning of the faces in the span of a few lines. This was not helped by the lack of details.
Had you added in details to at least describe the passage of time or Iruka grabbing Naruto to take him somewhere, it would have made a good point for a line break to appear. Another thing with the lack of details is that it does not give good imagery to what is actually happening and is relying on the fact that the readers should know what is going on based on watching Naruto or playing Smash Bros.
This is an interesting concept and I do wish to read more but please take these two points into consideration as you continue forward.
4/4/2013 c1 ShadowBloodedge9396
This is the first SSB and Naruto crossover that looks promising. Can't wait to see where you'll go with this.
That's all for now. Ja ne!
This is the first SSB and Naruto crossover that looks promising. Can't wait to see where you'll go with this.
That's all for now. Ja ne!
11/16/2012 c1 4SparkLuxLucios
Very original ideas here, and no largely noticeable errors to boot! I'm liking this already, so please continue this story, I hate it when stories with so much good potential are abandoned.
-Spark
4SparkLuxLuciosVery original ideas here, and no largely noticeable errors to boot! I'm liking this already, so please continue this story, I hate it when stories with so much good potential are abandoned.
-Spark
12/31/2011 c1 12adrogoz
Very good, I see what you've done here. Not only do you show that Minato's Flying Thunder God and Rasengan were based off Pikachu's Quick Attack and Lucario's Aura Sphere, but it follows that Naruto could similarly create moves based off the attacks of the Super Smash Brothers. So what can we expect to see from Naruto? A spinning sword technique based off Meta Knight's Mach Tornado? Fiery Taijutsu based off Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch and Falcon Kick? Only time will tell...
12adrogozVery good, I see what you've done here. Not only do you show that Minato's Flying Thunder God and Rasengan were based off Pikachu's Quick Attack and Lucario's Aura Sphere, but it follows that Naruto could similarly create moves based off the attacks of the Super Smash Brothers. So what can we expect to see from Naruto? A spinning sword technique based off Meta Knight's Mach Tornado? Fiery Taijutsu based off Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch and Falcon Kick? Only time will tell...