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for The Lone Courier

1/19/2012 c10 1Technocidal Maniac
Well in my opinion this chapter was awesome. It was like a scene from a spy movie. All high stakes and smooth talking turning into gunfights and all.
1/18/2012 c10 14Ayane458
Wow, Benny's a git. I really like what you've done with this chapter -especially the sneaky little roulette formation Benny made. That was impressive. Anyway, this chapter was brilliant, and I love Lone's thoughts on her 'wiles'. Good work.


but, - just -I think adding a , right before a - looks just a little awkward. This is entirely IMO, but thought I'd mention it.

try to shooting him up -either remove the 'to' or the 'ing'

you can't adapt -in context, I think this should be 'can'

you what to make -want
1/18/2012 c10 19Cressida Isolde
YES OMG the characters are really complex when you actually get really involved in writing about them. *_* BENNY.

this is a good action sequence (and I love how it didn't go perfectly. This is great :D
1/18/2012 c10 distant-echoes
I was so thrilled to see your update in my inbox. :D

I absolulely love the partnership between Lone and Carson, they remind me a little of Bonnie and Clyde, but in a good way, LOL. While I'm not familiar with Benny or his mannerisms, I liked the "cloak and dagger" (no pun intended) feel of the conversation between him and Lone.

As always, I hope you update again soon and thanks for the great chapter!

1/16/2012 c9
Can't wait for Benny!

And aw, dear little Yes-Man. I enjoyed the chapter very much. I admit after reading the chapter title Hotel California kept playing in my head. Ahaha. Keep on writing :)
1/4/2012 c9 14Ayane458
...Yes Man is more than a little screwed up. For some reason, I'm either reminded of Caboose-Omega or Doc-Omega. But that's neither here nor there. I like your writing in this chapter, but question: why would Swank trust two random travellers so quickly? Other than that, awesome -can't wait for the next chapter.

last faze of -phase
1/4/2012 c8 Ayane458
Benny's scene is foreboding, to say the least. What a git.

Lone's a good haggler. I suppose being able to beat the living bleep out of your employer helps getting that extra pay. Her decision to reject help from a Wasteland politician seems like a smart one to me (but I may be biased).

But seriously, if the Sercuritron knew she was plotting murder, why wouldn't it stop her? They act as Security, don't they?
1/4/2012 c7 Ayane458
Review window's fixed. Moving on...

I don't know what Legion is, but it sounds dangerous. Corrie's thoughts are definitely interesting, and show a lot of depth to her character. The backstory was pretty cool (though, once again, I have no idea whether it's canon or not).

peace and closer- closure

in you're case -your

I would also suggest you read over your work closely before posting it, as there seem to be small words like 'a' missing here and there, and 'could' where there should be 'couldn't'
1/4/2012 c9 distant-echoes
And so the plot thickens! :)

I liked how you wrote Yes Man, I could practically hear his cheerful, mechanical voice just blabbing away at all their questions. I like the tension you keep in your story and the way you write the characters. Even though I haven't played F:NV, I feel like I have simply from reading your story.

I hope you get to write the next chapter soon, because I look forward to reading more of this awesome story!

1/4/2012 c7 distant-echoes
I like the interaction between Carson and The Courier. The dialogue between them seems very smooth and natural. I also like how The Courier, despite her many achievements, adventures, and accalades is still pretty humble. The mention of her father was nice too. I liked the reflection there.


1/4/2012 c5 distant-echoes
This was one chapter that I'm glad I could read and not experience for myself.

I absolutely hate needles and blood and anything to do with veins. I give Carson countless kudos for treating the Courier so well and so quickly and her countless kudos for not screaming in agony or dying from her wounds.

You are a great writer and I love what you're doing in this story. I can't wait to read the next few chapters! :)

1/4/2012 c2 distant-echoes
Another good chapter. :)

I like Carson, he's honest and a bit of a pick-me-up. I realize it might be a few chapters before we learn the real name of "The Courier", but I look forward to it. Also, I've never played Fallout: New Vegas, so this is nice and fresh to me, LOL.

Great job!

1/4/2012 c1 distant-echoes
Nicely done! I like the flow of this story and I look forward to reading more of it. I like your Lone Wanderer and the why you write action is wonderful. :)

1/4/2012 c5 Ayane458
True, sterilizer stings like a bleep. I like the growing dynamic between Corrie (Courier's too long, Corrie sounds kick@$$) and Carson. Make for great character development. Also; is Carson canon? (I know nothing of Fallout)

...old, auburn colored bottle of whiskey that he had been saving for something a little more pleasant then this. -I really like this line. I don't know exactly why, but I do.

was not doubt -was no doubt, or was not a doubt

loosing a lot -losing

have to loose -lose

Her aggravation easily triggered, presently -I'm not entirely sure what that line means.
1/4/2012 c4 Ayane458
Holy bleep on a bleep with bleep on top! That was an awesome fight scene! I could see it so easily, and her moves didn't border on physically impossible as is the norm in this genre. Question: is Mercy canon?

Good things come to those who let idiots be idiots -best quote ever.

Hei Gui Bye-Bye -best inscription on a gun ever (of all time)

Watch the spacebar (Carsonsaid, Carsonseemed, fireCarsonhad)

inch talons, a piece -no need for comma

drug -dragged... I think.

white, hot pain -generally white-hot pain (unless you meant to do that, in which case ignore me)
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