Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Silver Tree

3/25/2012 c1 Upson
Nice! Ever thought about developing this and writing a longer piece centering on Celeborn? Would love to read it :)
11/6/2011 c2 24Galad Estel
I have a hard time thinking of hot tempered Angrod as a soft spoken minstrel. Oredreth is soft spoken, and it is Finrod sings and plays a harp
10/31/2011 c1 Galad Estel
I found this to be quite charming. I have written in Celeborn's POV, but he does tend to be a neglected character, and when people do tend to write about him they tend to make him perfect and crying.

As a whole I liked this story. The elves must have been pretty surprised by the first dawning of the sun. One thing though that I think you should have left out though was:

"Not that he knows them as hemlock. The grey elves have their own names for things."

It sounded really awkward. Even Tolkien called them hemlock, so please just call them hemlock.
10/29/2011 c3 13mistrali
All right, I'm going to give some concrit/suggestions here. :) This is really more of a beta than a review, but I think the description could be pared down a bit, because you have some wonderful phrases in here.

"In a dream of torment... on the night that" - "In a feverish nightmare, when"

"the first Noldor" - Take out 'first', because you've used it again in the same sentence.

"He remembers watching as the flames billowed and rose up, high, higher" - Well done on using "billowing flames" in the context of sails. Great word choice there. I also like how you've used the superlative ("high, higher").

Wow, I sound like an English teacher now. ;)

"He remembers how the white sails caught and flamed like swift torches in the darkness." - This is repetitive. Remove this.

"Celeborn looks at him, and sees in his eyes that same flame." - Ditto.

"King, warrior, loremaster, craftsman, minstrel." - Maybe "king, warrior, craftsman". That shortens this sentence and sort of mirrors the "Traitor..." sentence (which is excellent, by the way).

Just FYI also, "Feanor" should be "Fëanor".

Your description of him is vivid and poetic, and also captures his appearance and state of mind at Losgar. I like the way you've juxtaposed his feelings here: "strength and terror", "lust and despair". It makes him more real. Good characterisation.

The only thing is, they wouldn't have called him Fëanor. I would change this to Fëanáro, which is Quenya and probably would've been used at Losgar. Fëanor came later and was the Sindarin version. It fine to use in narration, but not when he's actually being *addressed*.

http:/tolkiengateway.net/wiki/F%C3%ABanor
10/29/2011 c2 mistrali
The description in this piece is lovely. I like the way you started off with elaborate language, and then pared it down to "He is lost."

But Galadriel was called Artanis, not Altariel, before she met Celeborn. According to the Tolkien Gateway wiki, "Altariel" is just the Quenya for "Galadriel".

http:/tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Alt%C3%A1riel

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service