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11/23/2011 c1 22truthlieslovestars
i really like this story. aside from a few punctuation errors, and one or two spelling errors, i think it's great.

see you later.
11/17/2011 c1 Obsidian Rush
I'm a little concerned about Namine, but I'm sure Demyx will be thrilled.

It was a good story. I laughed a lot, and it was pretty well-written.

Five errors, though: *thinking; *front; *status, not tatus; *perhaps you mean significant difference in their heights?; *Riku shook his head

But other than that, great job. I like how you interpreted Midnight's prompts :) Your story seemed like it actually took place; good descriptions!

But one question: why was Namine outside in the first place, that early?
11/11/2011 c1 87MidnightSchemer13
Alright, before I get all Riku on you, I'm just wondering:

does this family's house have a lock on their door? Lol, their friends are just walkin' right in! xD

I counted 6 times I burst out laughing. The other times were just [Cheshire] grins, smirks, or smiles.

First off! I actually meant 3 stories, one for each prompt. But I like this better, so don't worry. Secondly, het = heterosexual = straight boyxgirl, but I think siblings were cuter! Thirdly, /now/ is where I go all Riku on you.

Critique/Review:

You missed a word: most preferably, it should be "lying flat on HER back" in the top few paragraphs; but the beginning was awesome and immediately drew me in. Good job.

Demyx can't have Zexion! He's mine! But this type of ZekuNami, I've never seen before. It was refreshing; thank you!

...I hadn't meant the banana to be used quite like that, but all the same, it was funny! (But unforgivable! Shame, shame, shame! lol)

Alright, here we get a kink. Though I loved the story, Axel's and Riku's entrances were very similar, abrupt and sudden. Though it moved the story along, you might want to work on that for future stories (don't change this one! except the typo. But I like this one!)

Haha. Roxas IS puny, though. Compared to that pyromaniac, conniving bastard.

Piles of CDs *lineD the wall, but I love the idea of Roxas's room being simple and clean, black and white. AkuRoku's banter was quite hilarious!

And how old is Firecrotch? Over his twenties, aye? But that was absolutely beautiful, how Roxas shattered the moment.

It just struck me... How did my beautiful, enigmatic Zexion break up with Namine? Surely, he wasn't so heartless as to call her over the phone and do so? Then again... xD

Is "Aoi" an OC? I know it means blue in my language. Does it refer to 99% of KH's characters' eye colour? :)

Lol, I loved the ending.

Analysis/Score:

I think I'll give you an 8.9/10, because it cheered me right up, made me laugh, and was very nicely written. Nice job. I took points off for the two typos, the abrupt entrances, and the LATENESS. OVERDUE, sweetheart! Hahaha, oh, and I took off .1 for OOC. It added to the story, kept it funny, and they actually did seem closer in character than you'd admit, so no worries.

I think the funniest part was the kiss/mouthwashing, and the paopu juice was a nice touch.

I look forward to more KH stories from you, and I'd love to give you more prompts, if they bestow upon me this much mirth :) It was great, and you're very, very welcome!

Great writing, great story, great humour ;) Instant Fave!

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