11/2/2015 c26 2GodricGeoffreyGryffindor
An excellent story.

Quibbles:
Ginny should have been able to cast spells nearly as strong as Ron's, and Ron should have been able to put up a better fight than a single stupefy. Normally when reinforcements come you press your advantage, you don't hold back like Ron supposedly did. Also, in canon Molly puts up a ridiculously good fight against a professional killer, Bellatrix, and wins. Here you've gone to the opposite extreme. It feels like you were deliberately killing off three characters you don't like but decided for some reason not to bash. It's OOC that you don't show them putting up a good fight before biting the dust.

There was more than a bit too much crying on each other's shoulders and making sure that everybody was all right after each and every battle. I'm sure that this is how psychologists would like people to fight in wars, but in real life there's not that much time for finding sympathetic shoulders to cry on and it got a bit repetitive to read after a while.

Harry didn't need his additional animal forms, so you should have resisted giving them to him. If you give someone a special advantage of some kind, it should be because they need to use it later to get out of the predicament you've put them in.

Actual battle scenes were a bit on the light side as far as descriptions go. If this was a video, those parts would be fast forwarded. We should be stopping to smell the blood and guts of the battlefield.

You could have also fast forwarded through the rape scenes and dropped your rating down a notch. It's actually not that interesting from a literary point of view (as opposed to porn).

In the aftermath of the rapes, the Grangers should have suggested non-magical treatment options as well as magical ones. They could, for instance, have suggested a muggle pregnancy test so as to make a more informed choice of potion. They could also have suggested professional counseling.

It seems like you couldn't make up your mind whether you wanted Hermione to be paired with Daphne romantically or just platonically. What you ended up writing was a purely platonic relationship and hinting at more by having Hermione's parents give her "permission" to have whatever relationship she wants/needs, then pairing them off with males as soon as the Weasleys showed up. Definitely confusing to the fans who care about pairings.

I'm glad that Harry and Luna escaped being "paired" into a trio, but unfortunately you did write that storyline in not once, but twice: Neville/Susan/Hannah and Bill/Hermione/Daphne. That's not only non-canonical, it's unrealistic.

The Epilog makes everybody it seems (including Snape) a teacher or a school counselor, which is definitely disappointing. It's particularly OOC that Snape is teaching primary students their 3Rs. Poor guy. Never a break from snot-nosed brats.

These are all minor points in what is otherwise an excellent and original fanfic. It was well-written and engaging and enjoyable (for the most part) to read. I especially liked that Dumbledore got defeated almost as soundly as did Voldemort. He well-deserved it because most of the dysfunction in the magical world could be laid at his feet. He had no excuse because for generations he was in charge of every source of power except the goblins.

I also liked that, while Luna was a seer with enough clarity of sight to take Voldemort down, it really did no more than put her clan on an even footing with the Death Eaters who had spies everywhere, especially at the Ministry. Other abilities were also needed, like having untraceable modes of transport and novel spell controls and muggle firepower, and those weren't concentrated in a super-Luna or a super-Harry.

9/12/2015 c8 3Ashzaroth
How are they doing majic wothout breaking the underage magic decree? None of them are overage

9/10/2015 c1 39Mystic the Kitsune
thanks for the rape warning made it to where I didn't read this story

9/4/2015 c6 Ariadne Venegas
Harry is 4 generations to Phineas Nigelus and Neville is 5, even if Harry is five generations because of the question of Dore is the grandmother or gran grandmother, either way Harry wins because he is in direct descendant root, even more direct than Draco. Neville is from a collateral root because Callidora was daughter of a younger brother Arturus of the head of the house heir of Phineas, Cygnus.

That's other reason why Sirius named Harry his heir, because if not Draco inherited... Remember in book sixth that was an issue. Draco didn't inherited because Harry was the Lord Black, even if Harry didn't cliam the tittle in the books, because he was not of age and later because of the war and in the epilogue we are not privy of it.

9/2/2015 c9 Simianpower
Demerol tapped into her magical core? Are you serious? That's ridiculous.

Also, this Snape is so OOC as to be a different character. "This Potter was taking his responsibilities seriously blahblahblah." Yeah, bullshit. Snape is NOT the sort to think that way. He never has been, and even at his canon death he still hated Potter. This isn't quite as bad as the Severitus stories out there, but it's still a drastic and unsubstantiated/unbelievable change in character.

And what makes you say that the second ritual is impossible? Just because there are no 2-year-old kids of Death Eaters doesn't mean that Voldemort couldn't find parents willing to sell and/or sacrifice a kid. Especially if his people used both the carrot and the stick. There are scumbags all over the place. This would be by far the easiest way for him to get back.

The plot holes are really starting to add up in this story. And Harry is still a complete dishrag. Starting to lose interest here. The story's becoming more ridiculous than interesting.

9/2/2015 c5 Simianpower
Uhh... if they weren't yet Death Eaters, then what's with the soul magic in the left arms? This chapter is really self-contradictory. Did you edit it partway through and forget to change some parts? Even if this is explained in future chapters, it's a plot hole that SHOULD be addressed immediately, and in the place in the story where it occurs.

9/2/2015 c3 Simianpower
There are already so many things wrong with this!

1) Unless Xeno took out ALL of his attackers, they wouldn't have left their casualties lying around. It's bad for their aura of invincibility if one guy took out "several" of them. In fact, they would have burned the house down around him and left the dark mark. "Plot requires otherwise" is not a good validation for this.

2) Luna, a 5th year-to-be, can do human transfiguration? Even on corpses that is WAY too advanced for her.

3) Harry is NOT the trusting sort. There's no way he'd have put all his stuff, explicitly including his wand and probably glasses, into a bag from an unknown party with unknown enchantments on it. No way in hell. Not after he'd just been duped at the DoM.

4) Animagus amulet? Really? Again, too easy, violates canon, and everyone and his cousin would have these.

Interesting story, but these first few chapters are pretty rough with unnecessary flaws. They don't add to the story, and interrupt the suspension of disbelief. I'd suggest removing them if you can.